Tuesday, November 08, 2005
SIT! STAY! BUY ME PRESENTS!: BRIDESMAIDS’ OBEDIENCE 101 (PART I)
To keep going with the topic from yesterday, here are some fun bridesmaids stories that you may or may not believe (depending on whether you're a bride-to-be or bridesmaid-to-be reading this).
There’s nothing worse than that sense of entitlement you may get when you’re a bride-to-be… especially when it comes to your bridesmaids. Yes, your friends, sister, and/or closest cousin are there to support you, but there is no justification for taking each individual for granted or completely blindsiding them with unbelievable demands, unforeseen costs, and inappropriate requests. Where can these things happen? Read on…
THE BACHELORETTE PARTY
Here’s the story of the bride-to-be (although I’d like to use her real name, I will simply call her Sharon to protect the guilty party in question) who was very much looking forward to her bachelorette party. Not thinking anything of it, Sharon wrote an email to her girlfriends (who were the bridesmaids in the wedding): “Hey girls! Was hoping Chris and I could stay at the Mercer Hotel the night of my bachelorette party. It would be such a great end-of-the-night present for me and Chris, and we’d SOOOO appreciate it!!! Let me know if that’s cool and would work. Thanks a million girls!!! We’re going to have such a good time!!” Although you probably need no explanation, “Chris” was this bride-to-be’s fiancé. Sharon had her bridesmaids shell out for an extremely expensive hotel room (NOT to mention for the entire bachelorette party itself, including dinner, drinks, and a $20 cover charge to a cheesy 80s club in midtown). To add insult to injury, the egregiousness of this episode could not be complete without an amazing kicker. About two hours into the evening out “with the girls,” Sharon decided that she was going to “crash early” -- and head back to the swanky hotel to have her romantic evening with Chris! Needless to say, the bridesmaids were livid, and Sharon's selfishness was readily apparent to all involved in the episode.
THE BRIDESMAID'S DRESS
Think you’ve heard it all regarding the bridesmaids dress? Although I'll have plenty to say about that later, I wanted to touch upon what can actually happen when a bride-to-be becomes hysterical, irrational, and uses her bridesmaids as a proverbial punching bag. This is what happened Tara, who was a bridesmaid in her friend’s wedding. Two weeks before the big day, each girl received the abrupt mass email (and follow-up phone call) from the bride-to-be, indicating that the rose-colored gown that she chose for each of them was “not working for her” – therefore, she surmised, she would feel better with the periwinkle blue shade that she had originally forsaken. Having already altered the gowns once, the bridesmaids had to run back to get the new dresses altered to their measurements. The worst part? They had to pay for the first “dud” dress, in addition to the more acceptable, periwinkle option. The bride never apologized for inducing even more stress than they had already experienced, or offered to cover the cost. Nevertheless, the bridesmaids walked down the aisle—pissed—and in periwinkle. “She just kept saying ‘it’s my day—it’s my day…’ That might have been true, I suppose, but after “her” day, I decided that every other day was my own—and I didn’t bother speaking to her after that again.”
Many bridesmaids have experienced the feeling of togetherness when they partake in pre-wedding beauty treatments with the bride-to-be. Although it is certainly a nice tradition to bond with your bridesmaids before the big moment, it’s important to realize that your girlfriends are going to rightfully expect that if you invite them out for pre-wedding beautification (and keeping you company while doing so), you should be footing the beauty bill. Take, for example, my friend Jessica's invitation for her bridesmaids to join her for manicures and pedicures the day before her wedding. It was an afternoon of champagne, light lunch, and total relaxation and primping. Jessica never expected us to pay for it, and it was instead a little present to each of us, a token of appreciation for taking part in her wedding and (in many cases) traveling in order to be there.
However, sometimes brides-to-be miss the mark, and I have heard of situations where women aren’t as in touch with that concept. Michelle described the time she was a bridesmaid in her friend Ellen’s wedding, and “when [she] took us all to get our nails done, it turned out we had to pay for it ourselves.” Although I’m sure that the bride-to-be didn’t mean to offend anyone, she colored herself in an unfavorable light by not footing the bill. If you don’t want to spend a couple of hundred of dollars to pay for your bridesmaids’ beauty, then don’t suggest going out for the big prep session. Getting your nails done on your own might provide you—and them—with more peace of mind when the bill comes.
Think that covers it? Stay tuned.....