Sunday, April 09, 2006

SOMETIMES YOU SHOULD JUST "SHUT THE *#& UP": PART I

A few weeks ago, my friend Jill went to a party at her friend's
place--a beautiful Manhattan apartment with large bay windows
overlooking the East River. With cosmopolitans and gin and tonics
freely flowing, the party was in overdrive-- which gave her a
chance to do some prime people-watching with her boyfriend.
As
they really didn't know many people there, Jill and her boyfriend had
an enjoyable time talking to each other--and mingling with new
people. After about an hour, Jill found herself talking to someone
she had just met at the party, and being engaged in one of the most
ridiculous wedding conversations she had EVER experienced (and, as
I've learned, she's endured many)....

.... as you'll read below, one rule of thumb (which I know I've
already covered in past posts) is that sometimes--you just have to
SHUT THE *#& UP about your wedding. Why? Because NO ONE CARES.

I hate to take such a strong tact, but Jill told me she was in awe
after being part of this particular conversation. A random party-goer
(who I'll call OvertheTopTina) ended up in a discussion with Jill
about her wedding registry and generally, the general fabulousness of
her wedding--here were some of the highlights:

SHE ONLY WANTED THE "BEST" "BEST" CHINA ON HER REGISTRY, AS
THEY HAD A REGULAR SET AT HOME AND ONLY NEEDED THE HIGHEST QUALITY.


SHE HAD TO GO TO BARNEYS AND GET STARTED BECAUSE THERE WAS SOOO
MUCH TO DO AND SOOO MUCH TO CHOOSE FROM.


SHE COULDN"T UNDERSTAND HOW PEOPLE DIDN'T PUT THE "WORD OUT"
ABOUT THEIR REGISTRIES--WHY WOULD YOU EVER WANT TO GET A GIFT YOU
DIDN'T REQUEST? OR (GASP) GET TWO OF THE SAME GIFTS????


Jill told me that she had to hide the look of digust and disbelief
that was creeping onto her face, as she couldn't believe some of
egregious things that came out of OverTheTopTina's mouth regarding
registries and weddings in general. And, she couldn't believe that
she, after only having met the girl an hour beforehand--was telling
her the story. Ironic, considering she'd never be invited to the
wedding!

The one-sided discussion of the wedding registry lasted about twenty
minutes, and then started the talk of the dress, and the ring.....
Jill interjected with "hmm mmmms" and "wows" and "that sounds sooo
pretty".... but what else could she really say? Jill then decided
that it was time to go back to the bar for another one--I'm not sure
she could have endured that conversation without a few shots in her.

Jill's story reinforced something I've always believed: I have no
problems with people talking about their weddings and getting excited
about planning, I think this showiness is taking wedding planning to
the level of TACKY ... to (a) discuss things that really are
very personal and cost-related (like whether you already own fine
china or not) and (b) spend much of the evening fawning over, well,
yourself is neither appropriate nor endearing.

Save the wedding talk for small, intimate gatherings--with your close
friends and family members-not those you meet at a party or someone
you've been speaking with at a dinner party for an hour--tops. And
cost-related issues--unless you are trying to get EARNEST advice--are
really off limits.

Ask your friends what's going on with THEM--and avoid talking about
the china you already own--because its inappropriate and unnecessary.
I've already done a post on these issues, but given this recent
scenario relayed to me, I thought it was important to revisit the
importance of being SUBTLE. Subtlety is particularly important when you bring these issues up to people who don't know you--and who most likely aren't
particularly interested.

Weddings are beautiful things, but when you think you're the absolute
center of attention because of yours, take a step back. And shut the
*#(# up.

Stay tuned!

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

i'm glad to see you are back! i missed your posts. i like the girls that spout off about their own weddings as soon as they figure out i'm engaged. and then say 'i'm so glad you understand all this!' yeah, i understand, but i still don't want to listen to it. oy. anyway, welcome back! :)

Anne said...

I am trying not to spout off too much about my wedding, but had an interesting discussion last night about how I should have just put my registry info on my invitations. I had to explain (to a very dear friend) that I felt like that was being greedy but it is kind of difficult when we really are lacking in decent housewares and could actually use everything we registered for. And I specifically chose Crate and Barrel over PotteryBarn so it wouldn't be too pricey. So I am hoping the people who know will just tell the people who don't.

Anonymous said...

Many brides are now using the website Wedding Channel" - which in the olden days would have been thought of as tacky - but now seems to be widely accepted by most people. On this site, you can tell how you met, give information about the ceremony, reception, places to stay for out of towners and also list your registry choices. If you sign up for this site, all you have to do is mention to people to check on the website for all pertinent information. Many people seem to assume you have signed up - and even hope you have done so for the ease of it.