Wednesday, May 17, 2006

SHUTTING THE (%*# UP: SHOULD I? RUMINATIONS FROM THE WEDDING FAIRY

I received an interesting comment today, which I thought I would make the focus of a post. My latest entry is less of a response to the actual issue of shutting the *%& up, but more a general rumination on my role as The Wedding Fairy.

Just for some background, the following comment was in response to my posting about the dangers of too much information on wedding websites. One reader commented:

"If you don't want to read the cutsie story about how they met or the proposal or whatever, here's an idea... skip it! Scroll down to find whatever you do want to read.

It's really an astonishing amount of bile here. Yes, the bride described bitching about her registry was totally out of line, but how come you people care so much if someone put together a little website detailing their happy news?"

First, I'm not sure where the phrase "you people" is coming from-- I'm merely one woman putting in my two cents for people who choose to read what I have to say. At least one of the comments that had followed that particular post actually DISAGREED with my assessment.

Second, I don't profess to have all the answers, and what I say (as I've said in the past) is not the gospel. It's merely my opinion, and as a frequent guest (and observer of these events/goings on), I like to give my point of view to get brides-to-be to think about the issues. The title of my blog is "Don't be That Bride" -- there are a million and one books and websites devoted to the subject of "dos" -- and what you *should* do. Instead, I'm trying to point out to people that they should look at all different factors involved when doing things like posting personal information, or doing table arrangements, for example.

Is it unreasonable that guests don't necessarily want to hear about rose petals strewn in romantic hotel rooms the night of an engagement, or the negligee the bride-to-be chose to wear that night? Or that the bride-to-be is a magna cum laude from University of Wisconsin? I point these things out not to judge--but to make people think.

My posts are not "bile." My answers are simply opinions, and alerts as to the way that some people may perceive the actions of brides-to-be--and these viewpoints may not necessarily always be positive. This is how some people feel (not just me! I was actually talking to someone else about wedding websites today, and she was commenting on the same issue of there sometimes being too much information given on the sites), and there's no crime in giving people a "heads up" about what that perception may be.

I welcome the comments--and all opinions (both those in agreement and strong disagreement with what I have to say). That's what makes this blog interesting.
However, I view my blog as constructive--and I welcome comments that are in that same vein.

Stay tuned!

5 comments:

Megan said...

While I don't think your posts are bilious and that you raise some interesting points, I don't think it is realistic to be able to do everything for every guest. I can't go around buying 50 extra hairdryers to put in welcome bags. Maybe one for the lady's room. Period. And while it is a good idea to try and accomodate the unexpected, the thing about the unexpected is that it is just that- unexpected. As a bride to be (especially one who is having a destination wedding) it is hard enough getting people's passports, flights, and hotel rooms straightened out- what they do with their hair is their own problem. Also, a lot of times guests aren't very helpful back- how can I give them information if they won't return emails or phone messages and keep changing their vacation plans a million times?
Megan

the wedding fairy said...

Thanks for the comment -- I AGREE with you. I DON'T think it's realistic to do every single thing for every guest.

I think the one thing I want people to keep in mind is that (a) these aren't across the board solutions, (b) they are only suggestions, and (c) I certainly don't expect people to try and do all/most of them! These aren't the hard and fast rules on how a bride-to-be should...be.

I don't say all of this in every post, because I fear sounding like a WARNING LABEL on a record or something.

Perhaps bringing extra adapters or hairdryers (and I agree that having 50 or 50 available is a little much!), or at least making sure the hotels have adequate ones, may not be right for your wedding--and actually a preposterous idea--for you.

But given that my readership is very diverse, there *may* be someone out there planning a very small, mostly-family-only affair--in a very exotic, remote and HUMID location who might think it makes sense to have these things for her close friends--particularly those in the wedding party.

As for tracking down your guests? I'm in full agreement that if they're unreachable--forget it! I'm not advocating that brides to be bend over backwards for every single guest -- in every single situation. If you *tried* on different levels, you've done your job.

These are mere suggestions, and all of them depend on circumstance. Sure--these ideas may seem ridiculous to some-- but if there's one person out there in the vast sea of the internet who thinks "hey -- that's something I *could* do and I hadn't thought of that" -- then my job is done here.

There will be things readers think are plain ridiculous, and things readers think are workable ideas -- I expect both reactions (and I've gotten both kinds). I just ask my readers to keep with me..... I appreciate the support and feedback!

Dataceptionist said...

I think this poster was way out of line. Saying someone's posts are bile is extremely rude!
And I really like that you can take a different point of view with grace and invite discussion.

raych said...

Just thought I would mention something regarding TMI on wedding Web sites.

While I would be mortified at the thought of discussing my lingerie for my 150 guests, I think the inclusion of "how they met," the proposal and the bride and groom's backgrounds serves a very practical purpose--It keeps us from having to constantly explain this to all 150 guests individually.

These are very common questions and people who might be more distant relatives or friends that we don't see every week might want to know.

If people don't want to read about them, they're welcome to not do so, but explaining "Yes, my fiance does the landscaping at the wedding site," countless times gets kind of repetitive.

cupcake wedding said...

I love your blog. Your advice is so refreshing and honest. Screw the naysayers!