Saturday, July 29, 2006


It's Saturday night, and I'm writing this post from my parent's six year old computer. Yes, I am home with Mom and Dad, outside of NYC, on a Saturday night.

While I love my parents to death, I normally wouldn't be here on a weekend night -- that time would be spent with either TallGuy or my girlfriends. So why am I here then?

TallGuy went to his first bachelor party (and this is "my" first bachelor party too)- and instead of going out with MY friends, I thought my parents would make even better company. Let me get one thing straight: I am not the neurotic, possessive, jealous type (especially with TallGuy) -- in fact, I trust TallGuy 150% whether it's simply a night of drinking at a bar or hanging out with a roomful of Playboy Playmates (unless he's randomly invited to the Playboy Mansion--with me--I don't think I have too much to worry about with that one!) He's the sweetest and most trustworthy guy a girl could ask for, and that's the truth.

I don't know which activities have transpired yet (though I would doubt the Playmates were participating), as I haven't really spoken to him since he left for the event at 4 PM. But he did tell me that one of the groom-to-be (Kevin)'s friends planned the event, and the last item on the laundry list of "to do's" was to go back to the planner's apartment for "entertainment".....

The irony of the "entertainment" concept is that Kevin is a pretty laid back, quiet, shy guy, according to TallGuy, who wouldn't necessarily be into that kind of thing. TallGuy's not - and I believe him. Apparently, however, the planner went with the concept - whether he consulted Kevin, I do not know.

What I think is interesting is that it's the PEOPLE IN CHARGE OF PLANNING bachelor and bachelorette parties who are really the ones who come up with the ideas -- rather than the bride or groom to be. And that's ok. Like I've said in prior posts, however, this isn't the planner's "night" -- and the bride or groom should feel comfortable about the events--and should definitely know about them in advance and make suggestions.

It's important to keep in mind that the planner may be the person who's into getting "entertainment" -- but the rest of the group may be much happier getting a beer at a dive bar on the Upper West Side (and spending hundreds of dollars less in doing so).

Just for the record - I'm not naive. I know what guys do, and what guys like. I just wanted to make the point that not every guy is going to want to see strippers at his bachelor party, and not every gal is going to want to go see a male "MANTASIA" style revue for their bachelorette party. If that's the plan, and everyone's cool with it, however? Totally cool - I'm not passing judgment on the ACTIVITIES here -- just making an observation about who is planning them.

Remember that even though you don't have control over the planning process for this type of event, you do have a responsibility to make sure the balance of your guests at that party enjoy themselves-- and you have a responsibility to YOURSELF to have a good time!

Having said my peace, I will now go to bed..... hope you all have been having nice weekends....

Stay tuned!


Megan said...

For my guy's party, he went with two guy friends on a 3 day hike in the Alps. Yikes. It would have been safer actually if they went on a bar-crawl. They came back in one piece and had lots of stories to tell and it was totally them.

Twistie said...

My beloved would have been miserable if his friends had tried to give him a party with a stripper. He likes the naked female form...but he pretty much only wants to see mine. I kept telling him it was fine with me if he had a bachelor party of whatever sort he wanted, but apparently he didn't want one at all.

I did have to run interference for a friend of mine once. One of her bridesmaids decided my friend needed a night of strippers and fruit daquaris, which was about as far from my friend's style as it was possible to get! I had to take the other bridesmaid aside and explain that this would not be a welcome activity. I believe threats of broken fingers worked the trick.

Like you, I'm not passing judgement. If someone wants a stripper at their bachelor/bachelorette party, then that's their business so far as I'm concerned. More power to them. OTOH, if the bride or groom is uncomfortable with a night of booze, boobies or butts, and novelty items in the shape of secondary sexual characteristics then the planners should be aware of and respect that.

I did feel sorry for my brother. His bride absolutely forbade him to have a bachelor party, probably assuming it would involve strippers, prostitutes, or Mexican prison cells. All he wanted was to go to his favorite pub and have a couple beers with his buddies. What's more, his friends understood that and had planned to take him to his favorite pub and buy him a couple beers. Maybe a basket of finger foods if they got a little wild. Ah well.

Julie said...

First, I'm kind of glad I didn't have a bachelorette party before I got married. I can only imagine what some of my friends would consider a good time for me. I'm sure strippers would've been involved and I really wouldn't have wanted that.

I did go to a well thoughtout and planned bachelorette party once. The bride wanted to see strippers, so she rented an off-duty school bus, complete with driver and off we went. No one had to drive, so anyone who wanted to get smashed could. Good plan.

Twistie, it's a shame your brother couldn't have the party he wanted. Trust is a big part of marriage, as well as compromise. The bride shouldn't be forbidding a party. It just leads to trouble.

Anonymous said...

I don't have any problems with bachelorette and bachelor parties. However a few years back I ended up at one of the worst bachelorette parties i've ever attended.
The Maid of honor never consulted the bride or anyone on what would be appropriate. We started out fine with dinner and drinks at a club, but the party ended when she suggested taking it over to a lesbian bar. No one wanted to go and the party fizzled.
Mean while the boys having their bachelor party, ended up at a brothel in Mexico. I'm very proud to say that my guy is a saint. I believe him when he said that only three of them (himself, the groom and one other) did not participate in the "entertainment", they sat there had a drink and watched as one person inparticular was turned down by three different prostitutes.
In the end, I guess it goes without saying that if my guy's best man is going to take him to a brothel and undermind his relationship with me, that person wouldn't be welcome in my house.
The groom came clean to the bride a few days after I had already been told by my guy. And i'm happy to report it didn't kill their relationship.
Moral of the story, truly is to at least think about the guest of honor in there, otherwise the party not only oculd be a bust, but it could also be the end of something beautiful.