Thursday, July 20, 2006
Q+A WITH THE WEDDING FAIRY (PART III)
So the following isn't a question that I received from a reader, but one that I saw in a bridal magazine. I was actually appalled by the answer.
Here's the question (and I'm paraphrasing here, 'cause I cannot, at the moment, locate the specific clipping among the piles of magazines I've accumulated): "I picked out a dress for my bridesmaids that I really love, and they all hate it. Am I wrong to make them wear it, or do I have a legitimate right to stick to my guns?"
When I read the question, I immediately thought to myself "EASY ONE: HELLS NO!" The women that you choose as bridesmaids are those presumably individuals who you respect. Isn't part of your including them your way of honoring them?
If your bridesmaids hate the dress you choose for them--PARTICULARLY if they are FOOTING THE BILL--there is no good reason for sticking to your guns here. In fact, it's rude and uncalled for.
I think it's important to remember that, as the bride, you have decisions to make. I understand that these are HUGE decisions too! However, if you don't keep those in mind as you make them, you're going to offend--and put off--a whole lotta people along the way.
So, what was the answer to the question, you ask? Basically, the opposite of what I'm saying here. The magazine writer/columnist said that it's the bride's decision, and that the bride is in charge here--if she loves the dress? Then her bridesmaids need to get over it.
The caveat here? If the bridesmaids hate the dress for a SPECIFIC reason--in terms of the actual fit (i.e. it shows too much cleavage, or the straps are too tight)--then comfort should trump everything--and the bride should make an effort to CHANGE the dress to make it more comfortable.... Clearly, these things should be decided BEFORE a bride picks OUT the dress in the first place.
If a bride has already chosen a dress, and her bridesmaids haven't chosen to raise the issue, or put in their two cents? Then that becomes their problem, though it is unfortunate.
If your girlfriends hate a dress, not because it hurts like hell, but because it's terribly ugly and they have to pay $300 for it? Is that such a terrible reason to raise a complaint BEFORE the dress is purchased? Pain shouldn't be the exclusive factor involved.
Think about it. If you come to the conclusion as the magazine writer, so be it. However, I'd urge everyone to think about the alternative. If you were the bridesmaid--and not the bride--would you change your tune? Some food for thought.
By the way--I have NO idea who this bridesmaid is, or what she's annoyed about. But hopefully, you won't have any pictures of bridesmaids like this in your wedding album--particularly if it's something as easy as finding a decent dress that everyone can agree on!