Monday, August 28, 2006

DILEMMAS RE: DIVORCED/SEPARATED PARENTS (HOW TO DEAL): PART II

Thanks for the comments, everyone, as relates to this subject. Having seen friends (and family members) experience issues with the subject of divorced parents, I can attest that divorced parents (and others in the family tree) DO experience pain and/or embarassment when it comes to these issues. While I can't empathize -- I can sympathize, and try and provide ideas that may become viable solutions.

The next "installment" as relates to this topic still has to do with the band/DJ you hire -- this time, having to do with THE FIRST AND LAST DANCE OF THE NIGHT (AND ALL OF THOSE IN BETWEEN)...

The same friend I referenced in my first post, Taylor, continued with her story: "The band guy attempted to make Jim's mom dance with his sister since she didn't have anyone to dance with... obviously this made the mom quite unhappy..."

As I mentioned in my previous post, dealing in advance with the people you hire is of utmost importance when it comes to staying in control of the comfort levels of your guests (in this case, divorced family members).

While the band guy may have MEANT well, it was extremely embarassing for Jim's mother in this situation - not necessarily because other people noticed what was going on (I don't know
if this was the case, though Taylor certainly did), but because SHE felt like other people were watching/noticing - and also because it made her feel awkward about the situation and how to react to it. This type of behavior is not acceptable, and certainly not fair to the mother of the groom (or anyone in this situation that applies in other scenarios)- whether or not you believe that a divorced parent should "suck it up" (a sentiment which I thoroughly disagree with), you should definitely understand that the band member trying to "help" in this way is degrading, demoralizing, and definitely a NO.

Stay tuned!

1 comment:

Twistie said...

So with you, Wedding Fairy.

This is why it's so important to really talk in advance with any professionals that might be involved, and with both the biological parents and the step-parents.

If the dances can't be worked out amicably beforehand, maybe it's best to just have the bride and groom's first dance and leave it at that.

Sometimes someone has to suck up a disappointment that a particular tradition isn't going to happen, or will happen in a way that isn't to their liking, but NOBODY should have to suck up having their thoughts and feelings completely ignored. That, I think, is the key to family diplomacy. Sometimes you get your way, sometimes somebody else does, but you get your say before the decision is made.

Nobody's mom should ever have to suffer the humiliation of being forced by a total stranger to do something public that makes her feel uncomfortable because the band leader can't find a way to be flexible. A little communication in advance could have averted this unpleasantness.