Sunday, April 22, 2007


I received a question a few weeks ago, which I was remiss in responding to -- until now. I'm curious to know what the reader decided to do here (so sorry that I didn't have a chance to answer this until now!)... Even though the reader may not benefit from my response, I think it's an interesting issue that is worth attention -- in case this ever happens to other readers out there!

"I am basically going to a shot gun wedding this weekend. We ( my husband and I) were told about the wedding 2 weeks ago. We were informed that this was a casual event in which the groom won't even be dressing up. The bride is 6 months pregnant with her 3rd child and the grooms second child. The wedding is taking place at her fathers home where her father will be performing the union only close friends and family are coming and after the ceremony we are all going out to dinner in which we are paying for ourselves ( which is perfectly fine). My issue is that the bride says this isn't her real wedding that they are just getting married before the baby comes and later on they are going to have a real wedding. So with they quick union that was arranged in 2 weeks and the date and time was messaged to me by AOL instant message, and not by a mailed invitation ( that is how casual it is), is it appropriate for the bride to send out another instant message 3 days before her union that she is registered at the most expensive places that you can register at? I mean am I out of line to think that she should hold off on the registry stuff for her real wedding?..."

Interesting. Whether a wedding is casual or otherwise, it's always good taste to send a gift in advance, or bring one to the actual event. HOWEVER, it's ALSO good taste for a bride to be SUBTLE about where she and her fiance are registered (which is why, as strange it might seem, something like The Wedding Channel is great for brides-to-be -- it's a very common website which people know about, and a bride will not have to "spread the word", which I believe is very tacky).

In this situation, there's the added issue of when this girl's wedding will actually be held. Is the first ceremony/dinner considered a "wedding", but then the second event the "real wedding?"

Truthfully, I don't have the answer. HOWEVER, I think it's absolutely fair to NOT buy a large gift initially, particularly since the friend here is saying she'll be having a more formal wedding later on. How about a small, but meaningful gift for the more informal affair? This way, you've given something initially--and you won't be going to the event empty-handed. Then, if she does have a second event later on, you needn't feel compelled to get something off of the expensive registry.

I oftentimes will get friends presents from stores that I absolutely adore--even if they aren't registered at that particular place. Mackenzie Childs, for example, is a store with really interesting, unique home ware -- if I really like something at that store, I'll certainly get gifts there for my engaged friends. I don't see ANYTHING wrong with straying from one's registry. In this case, you can definitely do that, particularly given the circumstances of this wedding.

Anyway, thanks for the questions. Keep them coming! I promise to be a little more responsive/quick in turnaround time. Between work, Jury Duty, moving apartments, and planning a wedding, things have been a little hectic, to say the least!

Stay tuned!