Saturday, December 01, 2007


Hi everyone!

So sorry that I have been down for the count the past few months. Between moving apartments, working long hours in corporate Manhattan life, and getting entrenched in wedding planning, I realize that I have been a very delinquent poster.

I just received an interesting comment, the tone of which, I suppose, could have been intended to upset me? Offend me? Rile me up? Who knows. Instead of being reactive, I decided to take from it that there is a WHOLE LOT of need for discussion about wedding planning, as people are coming from VERY different places.

Which makes me realize that posting--whether it gets people excited, thinking that they totally agree with me, annoyed, upset, or angry--also gets people talking. And thinking. And that's a cool thing.

Here's the post--not word for word, as I think you can get the tone--and point--from this bit (in response to one of my "seating slip ups" posts -- one of my more "controversial" topics):

" sound like a guestzilla. I was pretty shocked by your blog post, and hope to GOD that none of the friends I invite to my wedding would ever think the way you do.

Having been to many of my friends weddings, I can personally say that:
- Most of my friends have done the sweetheart table simply because they don't want to offend anyone in having to choose who to sit with.

- I personally LOVE watching my friends' slideshows and seeing cute pictures of what they look like growing up. It's their big day and I am there to celebrate them, and their relationship. If you are truly a friend who actually cares about those people, you would NOT think a slideshow is vein at all.. It's their DAY for goodness sakes...not yours

- I don't see anything wrong with a grand entrance.. it just makes the event as a whole a little more exciting... there is a reason why a wedding is different from any other party"

I'm not going to take this point-by-point, because I don't need to defend myself to anyone-if you absolutely cannot stand what you read, don't tune in-but I do want to note a few things:

I am proud (and not surprised) to say that as I plan my own wedding, my opinion regarding comments I've made before - about sweeetheart tables, about slideshows, etc. -- has not changed -- AT ALL. This is not to say that there is a "right" or "wrong" to any of this. But, having been to a myriad of weddings, I have come to understand that there are things that I wouldn't want to do - and it's an opinion shared by some of my friends who have attended these weddings as well. Does that mean I'm right? Not at all.

The goal of "Don't Be That Bride" has always been to provide a fresh perspective to brides-to-be, based on an outside, objective observer's standpoint.

Does it make me a bad friend because I think slideshows are boring? I would hope that wouldn't be the basis of judging a friendship. Is it posible for people to interpret sweetheart tables differently from this poster? Definitely!

There is never a black and a white. If people choose to call me a guestzilla, I don't take offense. What I DO have an issue with is people not understanding that there are two sides to every coin, and not everything is as it seems.

I encourage this poster--and anyone else who disagrees with any opinions I have--to keep reading, and to keep an open mind. You may not agree with me (and that's ok!), but I welcome constructive comments which can help people learn the complexities of wedding planning--and hopefully help others as they delve into the dirty details.

I think my next series of posts will be about how my wedding planning has been intersecting with some of the issues I've raised before.

Before I go, I wish to say thank you to those who are sticking with me.

Stay tuned!


Kirs10LA said...

In Defense of the Sweetheart Table

Let me start by saying... that I agree with your beefs on the slideshows and grand entraces/exits. Cheese balls with cheese on top.

But let me take on the Sweetheart table from the Bridesmaid/ Groomsmen point of view. My Fiance and I have been in many weddings in the 5 years we've dated. There is NOTHING we loath more about being wedding attendant than sitting at the head table. We want to sit with EACH OTHER. AND we don't want to be sitting with people we hardly know while the other sits at the head table for two hours during a 4 course meal.

For our wedding we are having a Sweetheart table because to fit a head table of 22 (maid & men, plus their husbands/wives/bfs/gfs, plus us) is too big to work in the room we have. We thought about doing "family" with us at the table but I have no immedaite family besides my parents (family full of only children... scary I know). And neither of us want to sit up there with our parents only (what could be more romantic than sitting with your parents?!). So we're doing a Sweatheart table by default. BUT we promise not be on platform or eat filet while everyone eats pasta, AND we promise to mix and mingle with everyone (we're both super social so I don't see it being a problem).

Do you think a sweetheart table is OK for us? Do you have any better ideas?

The Wedding Fairy said...

Kirs101a--You raise an interesting scenario.

If I might, I'd like to answer your question in a post this week.

For starters, I think the REASONS you raise for having a sweetheart table are really good ones. I'm not a fan of the head table either (I've been in weddings and can say that I loathe it too!).... so where does that leave you and your fiance?

Stay tuned - I'll think more about your scenario, and should have an answer for you by this weekend!

Thanks for the question! :)

Linda said...

Welcome back. I just about gave up on you!
I had just started reading your blog when you stopped posting.
Yeah there is no right or way to plan a wedding. You should make the day fit who you are, not anything else.
I look forward to reading more.

Dataceptionist said...

Yay I stopped checking for a while so I've got some catching up to do.

I think blogs are for opinions and you've addressed this comment in the right way. If the commenter doesn't like the opinions here, she doesn't have to read, and while i've disagreed with some of the points you've made, I think you've had great reasons for them, and they are no less valid than my own, so I don't think you respect me any less for my opinion, than I do you, for yours.

I think your posts are good, and I reckon keep it up :)