Tuesday, January 22, 2008


As I re-read many of my posts, I realize, once again, that there is absolutely no black or white when it comes to these issues. That's why I love writing this blog -- while I have opinions as The Wedding Fairy, based on my own experiences, I realize that many, many others out there have different ideas on the same subject.

No matter WHAT you end up doing in terms of the "plus one" issue, the bottom line is HOW YOU APPROACH the situation -- more so than WHAT DECISION YOU ACTUALLY MAKE in the first place.

With my friend who snubbed TallGuy, there were a number of things that made me angry. Was the fact that he wasn't invited to the wedding one of them? Sure. We had to rearrange our whole trip in order to be there. But it was ALSO about circumstance--and HOW SHE HANDLED the situation--not only the mere fact that I had to go to a wedding alone.

If I weren't led to believe TallGuy would be invited, I certainly wouldn't have cared as much. Regardless, if she had simply called me to apologize after the fact, it would have left a better taste in my mouth.

But an email meekly attempting to apologize - and rationalizing it by telling me WHY she couldn't invite him (because he didn't fit into one of the "categories" -- i.e. engaged/married or someone the couple knew well) -- that was the icing on the wedding cake for me.

I recognize that it may not be 100% YOUR choice as to whether to invite the "plus ones" -- and it may be dependent on your parents, too, if they are footing the bill.

However, it's the way you go about the situation -- and every situation is different. Treating your friends on a case-by-case basis, in my mind, is a more honest and thoughtful approach then lumping engaged/marrieds in one category and non-marrieds in another.

No matter what the end result, it's really the path you take to get there that is important. Your friends will thank you for it (even if they don't outwardly do it, I promise you they will think you are a very thoughtful and generous bride) :)

Stay tuned!

1 comment:

Dataceptionist said...

We had a few problem guestlist contenders. Several couples that were sort of one-in-all-in. In the end we decided that they weren't close enough for us to feel ok about the extra expense, and we assumed they would understand (weddings cost money and everything).

In the end I think we must have handled it really badly as those three couples have never forgiven us and won't speak to us anymore. They were supposed to be our friends, and not being invited to the social occassion that they clearly felt our wedding represented, they felt so snubbed they ditched our entire friendship.

As such, in retrospect we feel we made the correct decision, as it clearly wasn't our happiness they were intersted in.

When one of them got married recently I sent them a card with our best wishes, more than she bothered to do for us.