Friday, January 18, 2008


I had put up a poll regarding what you guys think has been the most stressful part of the planning process.

One of the categories up there is trying to figure out guest list issues - to me, this has been one of the most difficult tasks to deal with.

Surprisingly (or unsurprisingly, depending on your experience) this has particularly been the case as relates to my colleagues at work.

What to do?

I have one good friend at my firm, but everyone in my department (about 15 people in a company of about 100) is very friendly, and it's difficult to know where to draw the line.

I decided to invite my good friend-colleague/her husband and my main boss/his wife as the work-related guests.

But what about my other colleagues who I see/talk to every day? And who ask me about the wedding all the time?

Unfortunately, there's not much I can do here. As I'm sure some of you have found, it's either doing the major cut-back with work people -- or inviting too many of them.

Since I'm all about the "PLUS ONE", I would also have to expect that inviting 10 people could inevitably lead to 20 additional folks at the wedding (presuming all were attending).

I think the key is scaling back how much I talk about the wedding at work, and who I choose to talk to ABOUT the wedding. I never share details unless someone asks me, and if colleagues bring up the wedding, I try to downplay and not get into too much discussion. I think that's really the fair way of going about things.

What about you guys? Do you find that inviting people/not inviting people from work becomes a difficult issue? Or do people have blanket rules about not inviting work colleagues?

Every experience is different - again, I have to stay true to what I believe about inviting friends WITH GUEST -- and how that will affect the overall number of people I can end up inviting....

Stay tuned!


Megan said...

Here in France they have a convenient way of getting around the "I know them well enough to invite them to something but not enough for the whole wedding" - some people are invited to the ceremony and then the cocktail hour, and that's it. Closer friends and family are invited for the whole shebang. It helps, but people can still get offended, so it is best to invite all of the people in that category (ex/ neighbors, work friends) to the same level of weddingness.

Dataceptionist said...

I painted myself into a corner with this one also. A few other girls in my dept got married in the year before my wedding so they set some helpful (and not so helpful) precedents. One girl invited no one. One girl invited one colleague only, and one girl invited about 50 people from work incl partners (yes, it was weird).

I made the mistake of talking to all and sundry at work about my wedding because I was so excited, and then had awkward moments when people "joked" about not getting an invite. In the end I invited a couple and figured if others were offended there was nothing I could do.

My cousin had her engagement party last year and dealt with the colleague problem by simply not inviting any of them (smallish office) and pretending she'd never had one. LOL

Sarah said...

That is definately one of the areas of the guest list that stresses me. I think what I am going to do is invite the people that I socialize with outside of work, plus one woman and her husband who invited me to theirs. Oh, and my supervisor and program head. It's just stressful because you don't want to offend anyone, but you don't want to include random people at work and leave out others that might be more likely to still be in your life years from now.

I'm also stressed about my fiance's family's side of the guest list. I asked his mother to make a list of 60 people, in the hopes that only about 50 would actually come. She gave me a list with 69 people, then said that she thought 40% of them probably wouldn't come, so she wanted to add another 20! She said she wanted to make sure his side was as full as mine. I have 15 family members, total! Her first 69 were all family, but many are his father's cousins, and I don't think they need to be invited. So that will be an interesting conversation...

Anywho, I guess I realized this isn't as much of a "plus-one" issue so much as a general guest list issue. Thanks for the great blog!