Thursday, March 27, 2008


Thanks for all of the feedback, guys. It's nice to hear your opinions, and I'm glad some of these ideas make sense and are useful to your own planning!

I thought I'd take the time to discuss another tricky element of sending out invitations -- what to do about A and B list guests.

The "B" list is *definitely* a controversial issue - some people simply don't believe in it; others think that by necessity, it HAS to play some role in the process of putting together a realistic guest list. As we all know, the "B" list is the list of guests who you'd like to invite, but due to budget/numbers, etc. -- you can't really invite without others first declining your invitation.

The most important thing to remember with the "B" list is this: Anyone on it SHOULD NEVER KNOW that they are a part of it!!! Every guest should always feel as if they were to be included from the get-go--and never an afterthought.

If you have a "B" list, make sure that you send out invitations (with the response cards) earlier than normal (Even 10 weeks ahead of time). Why? That way, if you get some "NOs", you can then invite people on your "B" list, and they'll be none the wiser.

Another idea is to order a few reply cards that DON'T have "Kindly respond by XXXX date". If you have blank ones that simply say "We request the favour of your response" (or something like that), then it doesn't look obvious if you send B list invitations out, since it's not as if people will realize that your cut-off date was April 1, and you sent their invitation on March 25.

TallGuy and I really don't have a "B" list, so none of this applies to us -- but when we were thinking about our guest list--and how we were going to manage it--we definitely bandied these ideas about.

One writer (I don't remember the source, but if I find it, I will definitely post it!) said that a guest would rather not be invited at all than to KNOW she were on the "B" list.

I couldn't agree more.

Stay tuned!


Photography by Blair said...

With our tight funding, we had to say...if they are on the B list we wont invite them. It was really hard to just not invite so many people, but its way easier on the wallet, and makes it so only the most important people are there for you on your big day. But dont get me wrong, there are A LOT of people I wish I could still invite. But I am SURE all the people on the A list will say yes because they are so close to us.

Dataceptionist said...

Interesting you should say that Photography by Blair, because we had about three couples that we were sure would come, including family, and they couldn't come in the end because they had other weddings to attend, so you just never know....

I think the manner in which the "B list" is asked can also make a difference, personally I think a verbal invite followed by a formal one is the best way to go about things if you're nearing the day. I think the worst way to do it is to just pretend they were always on the list (if the day is fast approaching). IMHO.

Anonymous said...

I just received an invitation to a wedding 4 weeks after the "A" list including a couple mutual friends received their invites.

Please brides, don't be the one to hurt your friend's (my) feelings. To make myself feel better, I reasoned that in this economy they can't invite everyone and must be keeping it small. But then I got slapped in the face with an invite with the reply by date within a week.

jessiethebrit said...

If you situation is that you had a tonne of family to invite then you had drop outs so woo hoo! you can invite your best friend from university that you didn't think you were going to be able to, then the thing to do is to Call Them Up.
"Hi honey!! Hey, I was having to cut my guest list because of all the ludicrous amount of sisters cousins and aunts I have... you know what mum's are like about inviting people you haven't seen since you were three... anyways fortunately some of them dropped out - I wondered if you'd like to come? I'd love it if you could make it. I know its short notice, don't bother about getting us a present or anything it would just be great to have you there." this allays the 'gift grab' mentality that people sometimes fear when they get last minute wedding invites. In this age of facebook etc. you can't really expect people not to know who ended up with an invite and not, so honesty is always the best policy.