Don't Be That Bride

BEEN THERE/DONE THAT WITH WEDDING DISASTERS - CASTING CALL FOR L.A. COUPLES!

2011-01-11T10:19:00.000-08:00

We've all seen a slew of wedding TV reality shows -- Bridezillas, Platinum Weddings, Bridalplasty to name a few (I actually am planning on posting separately about Bridalplasty - stay tuned!) -- and at least I can attest that they are highly addictive.

While all of these shows have an interesting twist on wedding drama, I haven't seen one yet where actual wedding disasters are featured front and center (you know, like the bridesmaid falling into the pool during the ceremony, or a major power outage during a black-tie reception).

It looks like WEtv is looking for a few good couples (Los Angeles based) who may get a chance for a "do over" wedding.

See below from my friends at WEtv:

**********

Do You Have The Ultimate Wedding Disaster Story?

Did you suffer a wedding disaster that put a damper on your big day?

Does your wedding video play like a blooper reel?

Do you wish you could do it all over again and have the wedding
you originally dreamed of?

WEtv WANTS TO HEAR FROM YOU!!

WEtv is casting dynamic Los Angeles-area couples who deserve the ultimate DO
OVER…a dream wedding celebration planned by acclaimed wedding designer.

What happened to ruin your big day? Did your ex show up and object in the middle of
your ceremony? Did a storm knock out your power or prevent most of your guests from
attending? Were you forced to elope instead of having the great white wedding you
dreamed of? If you live in LA and have your disaster caught on tape, you could get a
second chance to have your dream wedding!

Contact us today with your story!

Rachel Reiss
Casting AP
212-377-3850
IshTVCasting.Rachel@gmail.com

*******************

I would look forward to watching this show, as it would be really nice to see brides and grooms get a "re-do" on such an important moment in their lives -- and hopefully, their guests would have the opportunity to be a part of the action!

I know most of you are in the process of planning your weddings, but if you have friends or family members who may fall into this category, have them contact Rachel! They may just have a chance for a second chance!

Stay tuned!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! TOP 11 WEDDING TRENDS FROM THE KNOT...

2011-01-04T15:10:00.000-08:00

My friends at the Knot have an interesting forecast I wanted to share with you - their top 11 Wedding Trends for 2011!

The Knot paragraphs are in quotes. My thoughts are in bold! I think brides-to-be can draw a lot of inspiration from these ideas.

"1. Prohibition-Era Elegance: So long, Mad Men—the most stylish new show is Boardwalk Empire and brides are noticing. From dusty nudes and lace dresses for the ladies to wing-tip shoes for the men, couples are falling in love with the dapper fashion of the 1920s. And it wouldn’t feel like Prohibition without alcohol. To reinterpret the boozy nights of the Roaring ’20s, couples are serving up “moonshine” and Prohibition “bathtub gin” in their very own speakeasy bar, all while guests dance the night away—to jazz, naturally."

Just the other night, I was watching Boardwalk Empire (on HBO) and thinking about the AMAZING fashions of that era (especially Margaret's dresses after she starts seeing Nucky!) The flapper style was so elegant, and it deserves a comeback - in a big way!

"2. The Redefined Princess: With a royal wedding around the corner, you can bet Kate Middleton’s going to alter what princess style is all about. Put away the ball-gown skirt because the new princess silhouette will be body-skimming but with a bold train. Add statement-making headwear like tasteful tiaras (seriously!) and cathedral-length veils. And you can count on sophisticated sequins and beading showing up on everything from the wedding dress to the floral arrangements and the wedding cake."

For further style inspiration, check out actress Grace Kelly's wedding gown when she wed the Prince of Monaco in 1956. Probably one of the most elegant royal wedding dresses EVER.

"3. Sultry Ballerina Style: From feathered headpieces and shredded fabrics to airy plumes and pale pinks paired with black, the look of the season is all about Black Swan, right down to an ambience where everything happens after 8 p.m. One idea we love? Romantic ceremonies by candlelight."

I have always LOVED ballerina style - the magic of ballerina beauty has never been more evident to me as the Sugar Plum Fairy in the Nutcracker. Just looking at images of ballerinas can give any bride-to-be inspiration. See also this awesome photo from the Knot (photo credit The Knot.com/Clark + Walker Studio)

"4. Ivy League Chic: From Fair Isle sweaters to Vineyard Vines ties and Tommy Hilfiger blazers, preppy chic is back in a big way, and weddings aren’t immune. Brides will be channeling their inner Blair Waldorf from Gossip Girl or Ali MacGraw from Love Story and incorporating Ivy League-chic details like plaids and stripes for the perfect remix of retro, preppy sensibility."

Ahhh -- the preppy chic of Love Story!! For anyone who does not know that movie, rent it on Netflix ASAP! If for no other reason than to see an amazingly handsome Ryan O'Neal!

"5. Exotic Indian Inspiration: From Katy Perry’s Indian wedding and Eat, Pray, Love to Nicole Richie’s exotic elephant as a wedding greeter, India will definitely be the “it” country for wedding inspiration. Think vibrant color palettes like purples, reds and golds, lavish décor elements such as beading and rich drapery, and exotic, spicy dishes."

Rich colors are a wonderful way to paint a blank canvas -- i.e. a loft space that needs major dressing up.

"6. Wedding Man Caves: Blackjack tables, brandy bars, PlayStations and stogies. The man cave has officially moved from the home to the wedding, so don’t be surprised if you see all the male wedding guests in the new “groom’s corner” at the reception."

I like the idea of a brandy bar - a cigar bar may sound like a logical extension, but since cigars are stinky and bad for you, stick to alcohol or video games :)

"7. Prewedding PJ Parties: This isn’t Bachelorette Party, Part Two. Before the big day, brides will be planning a night of pampering and bonding via JHS-style slumber parties, complete with matching pj’s of course."

Cute and inexpensive idea - maybe an alternative to the actual bachelorette party!

"8. Food Truck Fun: Waffles, tacos and dumplings, oh my! People’s hunger for gourmet food trucks has seeped into weddings, and brides will be embracing it wholeheartedly by requesting makeshift sidewalk carts during the cocktail hour or food trucks for the wedding after-party."

Yum, food trucks! They are all over Manhattan, and a hot commodity these days. To bring them to your wedding will make everyone happy!

"9. Haute Desserts: Blame it on the popularity of Top Chef: Just Desserts, Amazing Cakes and Cake Boss, but desserts and wedding cakes will be taking center stage with gourmet flavor and haute style. Chocolate tart with a dash of sea salt, anyone?"

I watched Top Chef Just Desserts - and there were definitely some amazing things that can inspire a girl on that show! However, I will say there were a few of those chefs that I would NOT hire, based on personality alone :)

"10. Video Guest Books: Building on the popularity of “wedding photo booths”, wedding guests can expect confessional-style video booths and even iPads dressed up as guest books as the newest way to “write” well wishes to the happy couple. Bonus? Postwedding, couples can easily share their guest book online via YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, Flickr or Vimeo."

Very cute idea - I like this better than the glare of the camera lights as the videographer goes from table to table. That always seems very intrusive. This is a good way to get people involved, in a less instrusive way.

"11. Surprise Honeymoons: Couples will be taking a cue from Chelsea Clinton’s wedding and have the groom plan a surprise honeymoon."

This certainly would be a nice surprise, wouldn't it ladies? Maybe get your hints in as early as possible. :)

Thanks to my friends at The Knot for sharing these fab ideas! Stay tuned!

A GOOD TIME TO BE A 'DIVA'....

2010-10-28T16:22:00.000-07:00

So I know I normally don't advocate being "that bride" (a/k/a a "Diva"), but I am impressed with Wedding Paper Divas, a seemingly easy and (relatively) cost-effective way to design save the dates and wedding invitations.

I was actually looking for birth announcements through Tiny Prints (www.tinyprints.com), and I noticed they also had a link to wedding invitations -- which brought me to the Wedding Paper Divas website.

I love the layout of the WPD website, and the ability to search by color, theme, and even signature or letterpress invitations. Makes for an easier way to find what you want.

How is this related to avoiding being "that bride", you may ask? :) Not quite sure, really.... but when I see a good site, I like to pass it along for the benefit of all brides-to-be.

In a future post, I am going to revisit certain "do's" and "don'ts" of wedding invitation etiquette. Some of the things I've seen lately have been pretty interesting learning lessons for those in the planning process.

Stay tuned!

AN INTERESTING THOUGHT ON POLITICS AND WEDDING FASHION...

2010-08-21T19:40:00.000-07:00

What do you think of this critique of Chelsea Clinton's Vera Wang choice?

It certainly inspires provocative discussion.

For the record, I happen to think that Chelsea's gown was beautiful. She looked understated and elegant, and I didn't expect any less from her. Classic and classy.

Anyway, just a little food for thought reading. Enjoy.

Stay tuned!

$$$ AND SENSE: SAVING YOUR GUESTS SOME MUCH-NEEDED CASH

2010-07-30T19:17:00.000-07:00

Hi guys!

Having just started a new job and being 5 months pregnant (with a little girl!), I have been extremely MIA for a while, and I do apologize for that!

I wanted to get back into the swing of things and talk about finances, as I think that saving money for a wedding isn't just about saving money as the bride and groom-to-be. As a gracious bride, I always ask people to think about how they can keep their guests in mind as they plan.

It may not be as funny and witty as Letterman's Top 10 List, but I do want to give you guys a "Top" list of my own -- the "Top 5 Ways To Save Your Guests Money - And Help Them Maintain Sanity".

5. Choose your Location with Care. If you decide to get married in Tuscany (and most of your friends and family are in the United States, specifically, New York), you can't expect 100% of your guests to be (a) attending or (b) psyched to be attending. A destination wedding can cost at LOT of money for people, between airfare, hotels, and other travel expenditures. So when choosing your wedding location, choose with care. People are likely not able to afford a lavish trip, and doing your wedding more locally - while maybe not quite as exotic as the vineyards in Italy - will certainly save your guests some dough. Not necessarily a reason not to choose that destination, you say? Be my guest - just don't expect all your potential guests to be your guests!

4. No Cash Bars. I cannot speak more plainly. Just don't do them. If you can't afford alcohol, I sincerely believe it's better not to serve any liquor or beer at all. Enough said.

3. Black Tie Optional (Very Optional). A lot of men don't own tuxes. Whenever TallGuy hears that a wedding we'll be attending is NOT black tie, he breathes a little sigh of relief. Even though he has a tux, it's oftentimes crumpled in a ball in his closet, and to have to spend the time and money getting the entire thing cleaned is pricey and annoying. For those *without* tuxes, having to go out and rent one is a major expense. Cocktail attire, or even black-tie optional, on an invitation, gives guests a nice "out" - when a tux is not required, it is oftentimes provides financial relief to your guests.

2. Hotel Blocks or Other Hotel-Related Savings. If your guests will be traveling, definitely make sure that you have done room blocks at several different hotels in the area, in order to make sure guests will be getting discounted rates. And if you know of any good offers or savings your guests can take advantage of, send them along! That's what email is for, and conveying that information informally to your guests is always appreciated.

And, without further ado, the #1 Way to Save Your Guests Money:

1. Don't Overload Your Bridesmaids. There are SOOOOO many financial obligations that come with being a bridesmaid: (1) buying the bridesmaid's dress; (2) pitching in for the bachelorette party; (3) pitching in for the shower preparations; (4) buying the shower gift; (5) paying for extras like hair, makeup, and accessories for the big day.... the list goes on. Bridesmaids are asked to spend a LOT of time and a LOT of money for your wedding. My feeling is that a bride must do whatever she can --- i.e. buying her guests their bridesmaid dresses as their gift, or having a hand in suggesting cheaper alternatives for a bachelorette party -- in order to make finances a bit easier on the wallet.

I hope this list has been helpful and provided some food for thought. I know the pressures of keeping a budget in place for a wedding, so it's often difficult to think about what pressures your guests are feeling. But if you try to keep them in mind, you will also reap the rewards - by having a fun wedding that everyone truly enjoys!

Stay tuned!

TEA AT THE PLAZA, JUST LIKE ELOISE....

2010-04-19T13:43:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FyuCwCN78lA

Remember that scene in Sex and the City, when Carrie, after the engagement party outside of the Plaza, says her proverbial goodbye to Big? ("Your girl is lovely, Hubbell....")

Ever see North by Northwest? (CLASSIC). Or even Bride Wars? (CLASSICALLY HORRIBLE).

There are so many reasons why the Plaza is a classic piece of New York City's history, and part of its lore. Little girls dream of getting married here, or even getting to have tea here.

Today is my 31st birthday, and that's what my mom and I did. We had tea in the Palm Court. Although the Plaza now looks different and is under new ownership, the magic of the Palm Court remains. The beautiful cathedral ceilings and the stained glass windows remain, and so does the sense of the tradition. Today, there was still that little girl in her party dress, sitting and having tea with her father--reminding me much of the fictional Eloise.

I bring up the Plaza because I think it's such a quintessential part of the "NYC Experience" - both for non-New Yorkers and New Yorkers alike.

For those of us who cannot afford to have a dream NYC wedding here, there are other ways to be a part of the history. I was thinking that a wedding shower would be absolutely LOVELY to have here -- the room is so huge, it's not as if one would have to rent it out (and pay ridiculous rental fees to boot), and the prices--at least for light lunch/dessert/tea--were reasonable, per person. Again, I'm not sure if pricing would change for a larger party -- but it seemed to me a doable arrangement. Plus, the staff is extremely accommodating, so I imagine they would be a pleasure to deal with.

Just food for thought (literally). It was a really special birthday for me to spend with my mom (I am in between jobs, so am off work this week - a nice day to be off, for sure!) I think for any little girl who dreams to have her wedding in New York City, the Plaza is a sure bet for wonderful memories. Having a shower here, in my opinion, would be a wonderful way to experience quintessential New York at its best. And I'm SURE guests would be absolutely thrilled to partake!

Stay tuned!

DEXKNOWS WEDDINGS RECESSIONISTA CONTEST

2010-04-07T16:45:00.000-07:00

To herald the recent launch of DexKnows Weddings, which is a online resource for brides, the contest offers four couples the chance to win $10,000 each towards their upcoming wedding. The contest started yesterday, and couples can enter to win on
Dexknowsweddings.com or on the DexKnows Weddings Facebook fan page, by sharing what recessionista inspiring alternatives they plan to use at their wedding.

Just click on the text of this blog post to get to the contest!!

The idea is to think style but frugality -- ideas should be creative and embody the idea of the recessionista (for example, gebera daisies instead of roses).

Celebrity wedding planner Yifat Oren will pick the most creative finalists, and winners will be chosen by online public voting.

Couples must be planning to get married after June 1, 2010 and before June 1, 2012.

I think this sounds like a fun contest, and particularly relevant given what we've been dealing with in this economy.

Have fun, and get creative!

Stay tuned!

WIN A $1,000 FROM THE WEDDING CHANNEL!

2010-04-07T16:36:00.000-07:00

Hi guys,

My friends at the Wedding Channel are in the middle of an awesome contest where the two most "popular" wedding websites will win $1,000 each. All brides have to do is ask their friends and family to check out their WeddingChannel.com wedding website as much as possible.

There's no voting - the two wedding websites with the most "visits" by the end of April 21 wins $1,000 each!

Here’s a link to more information:

http://bit.ly/cQdqRl

I hope you guys find this helpful! TallGuy and I used the Wedding Channel for our registry/wedding website, and I know we found it super helpful in terms of organizing, etc. An organized bride is a non-stressed bride, and a non-stressed bride will not be "that" bride!!!

Stay tuned!

HOT TREND: THE LITTLE BLACK BRIDESMAID DRESS!

2009-11-30T18:15:00.000-08:00

Was reading In Style Weddings, and I loved their feature on little black bridesmaid dresses.

Not only is "the little black dress" always in style and chic, it's something bridesmaids can wear again - to a cocktail party, to another wedding, to a restaurant, whereever!

What's great, too, is that a black dress can always dress things up - so shorter dresses can work when you may not expect them to.

Just a little food for thought.

Stay tuned!

A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS....

2009-11-23T14:56:00.001-08:00

....though this picture, on this post, will only be worth a few hundred :-)

I did a post a while back about finding inspiration in every day life.

I absolutely love this photograph of Grand Central Station, and there are a lot of things to be found in here:

1) Taking architectural details from a favorite site and incorporating such details into invitations. If you love Grand Central and are having a NYC wedding, why not use that as your "theme" and incorporate its elements into your wedding?

2) Finding the unexpected in the expected. I didn't chose a standard photo of Grand Central Station, as I was drawn to this beautiful shot. Not everything has to be "the norm" or what you "should" do.

3) Use the elements around you. There's a reason that so many brides - including myself - choose to take photos at Grand Central. If you don't live in Manhattan, there are plenty of places that would make amazing backdrops for wedding/bridal party photos.

One of my favorite spots in Manhattan....which I wanted to share with you!

PARADISE LOST? NOT NECESSARILY...

2009-11-19T16:37:00.001-08:00

In this economy, it's easy to feel the pinch when it comes to budgeting a wedding and honeymoon. For those who are lucky enough to have parents or friends "gift" them a honeymoon, sometimes there is even more pressure to find a honeymoon spot that won't "break the bank" or cost too much.

A few months ago, TallGuy and I traveled to Hawaii--we almost went there for our honeymoon, so we decided to go there as our next "big" trip.

For the first part our trip, we stayed in the beautiful island of Kauai. Only in Kauai can you see something like this image, which is what we saw aerially from a Blue Hawaiian helicopter.

The B&B we stayed at was absolutely breathtaking - and surprisingly affordable (of course, relative to other luxurious honeymoon spots).

The Dilly Dally House in Kapaa (the eastern region of Kauai) overlooks beautiful mountains, is away from everything, and is a completely luxurious and fantastic retreat With home cooked breakfasts, beautiful views, and gracious husband and wife team hosting us, TallGuy and I had a fantastic time.

We stayed in the Cottage, which was separate from the main house (and had its luxurious own outdoor shower!). As the most expensive option, the Cottage was $185.00/night -- the least expensive room in the house (which looks amazing on the website) is $115.00/night.

With only 4 rooms in the entire property, this was an intimate and amazing getaway - in fact, most of the couples we met during our time there were young and on their honeymoons!

Just wanted to throw this out there for those looking for somewhere exotic that isn't over the top, price wise. As for getting to Hawaii? That may be a different story :)

Stay tuned!

SHOWER/BLETTE COMBOS = MAKING THINGS CONVENIENT FOR YOU AND OUT OF TOWNERS

2009-11-15T10:27:00.000-08:00

Coordinating schedules and getting people in one place- for a shower/bachelorette party- can be a logistical nightmare.

Oftentimes, friends and family are scattered about the country (or coming in from another one!), and it's important to remember this - even when you as the bride are not planning the activities.

So what happens if a lot attendees are from out of town? My suggestion? Combine, combine, combine.

For people traveling, it's great to fly in for the bachelorette party on a Saturday night, and then go to the shower on the day following.

Alternatively - think you're b-party will be too rowdy, leaving you hungover and tired to meet your parents' friends the following day? Have your b-party on a Friday, and the shower on a Sunday. That leaves you room for down-time and hanging out w/ out of towners on Saturday.

Keep the lines of communication open with your MOH or whomever is planning the events. Don't rest on your I'm the bride" laurels!

If your friends are relaxed and not stressed about coming in for an event - the more fun they will have - and the more fun you will have, too!

Stay tuned!

KEEPING IT REAL: NON "WEDDING BAND-Y" WEDDING BANDS

2009-11-14T18:19:00.000-08:00

Remember the wedding band from the movie "Old School?"

So awesome. And so amazing. For a movie (not sure you want grandma listening to that band's version of "Total Eclipse of the Heart").

But I've heard of some major wedding band nightmares in the real world (playing the wrong songs, doing weird and random shout-outs, or generally "cheesing it up"), and I think the first and most important rule of thumb when choosing a wedding band is this:

Would YOU love this band - as a guest - if it were playing at someone else's wedding?

Wedding bands tend to live up to their name - and not in a good way.

I love wedding bands that don't sound like wedding bands. And that's what I think makes a wedding band great.

I was reading in the New York Times about The Dexter Lake Club Band, and the article was EXACTLY on point with my feelings on the subject. A band that does weddings that isn't a wedding band.

I checked out the band's website, and listened to few of the clips provided. (American Girl = Awesome. Come On Eileen = Awesome).

I have no idea how expensive this band is, but it seems well worth it.

I also love The Touch (and am partial to them since they played at my wedding :)

Just something to keep in mind as you do your search for music....

Stay tuned!

A LESSON FROM ANTM - DON'T BE THAT (UNRECOGNIZABLE) BRIDE

2009-11-14T15:29:00.000-08:00

OK. I'll confess. I watch America's Next Top Model (ANTM) more than I'd like to admit.

There's a "Cycle 13" marathon on today - the episode I'm watching now is the "makeover" session -- a "Ty Over" is in the works for each of these wannabe models. ("Ty Over" = a Tyra Banks' makeover -what, you've never heard of this term before? :)

I understand for models that it's important to get a "signature look". (And what's more entertaining on ANTM than the make over episode)?.

As I watched, I started thinking about how many brides end up trying a new hairdo, or wearing completely different makeup, on the day of their weddings -- and end up looking completely different then, well, themselves.

I understand the importance of wanting to look absolutely beautiful and amazing on the day of your wedding. Just make sure you stay true to yourself and, well, LOOK like yourself!

Don't get carried away by the idea of having an updo because you think it's more bridal. If you don't normally wear updos, or try it out and think you don't look like yourself? Take it out. Go natural.

Which is NOT to say I don't love updos. I do. And for some brides, they totally work. For me - it totally didn't, and I went with what was comfortable.

Love that MAC makeup shade that they use at your makeup trial - but you feel like something is 'Off"? Go with your instinct.

Bottom line - have a hair/makeup session done long before the wedding, to make sure you get what you want. Or, if you are trying to save money, do your hair/makeup yourself (or have a good friend or family member do it for you).

Guests want to be able to celebrate with the real you - not the you that you think they want to see! A "signature look" may work on a reality show - or even a catwalk - but not for walking down the aisle.

Stay tuned!

GET INSPIRED - IF YOU LOVE "IT," YOUR GUESTS WILL TOO (PART I)

2009-09-07T11:43:00.000-07:00

On this beautiful Labor Day, TallGuy and I have been lazing about, watching the US Open on television and hanging out on our apartment's roof deck.

And what better way to relax and enjoy a day off from work than to spend it with TallGuy --and a Crumbs cupcake?

I am a NYC cupcake girl. I always have been, and I always will be. Whether it's Crumbs, Magnolia Bakery, or Buttercup, I am a sucker for the pastel frosting, pretty sprinkles, and sometimes - even candy coating (like the Reeses Peanut Butter Cupcake at Crumbs).

Bottom line - cupcakes are something I love, and for our wedding, they became an accidental source of inspiration and a highlight. What have I learned and hope that brides will take with them? Passions and loves can be found in both expected and unexpected places--and sources of inspiration are everywhere. When you love something and feel strongly about including that detail or item in your wedding, your guests will feel that positive energy.

Thursday before our wedding, I found out that our wedding favor (which was to be a small bag of pastry items/cookies for each guest) fell through. Our "vendor" basically flaked out on us-- and the afternoon before the rehearsal dinner, we were "favor-less".

After a few panicked phone calls to TallGuy and, I admit, several tears, I decided to take a walk to clear my head--and grab a cupcake to console myself.

As I walked towards Crumbs to get a vanilla cupcake w/ rainbow sprinkles (my favorite), I realized that the answer was staring me in the face.

Although I felt that many brides did cupcakes as a favor, I thought to myself "This is something I love. Why shouldn't I!?"

I went home and placed a few calls to different vendors. First Crumbs. Then Magnolia. Then Buttercup.

Buttercup Bake Shop (http://www.buttercupbakeshop.com/) had the best deal for a large assortment of cupcakes, and with their pastel, spring-like colors, I thought they would be a wonderful complement to our spring "english garden" concept.

Oh - AND they could fill an order of 100 cupcakes in 2 days!

The bake shop couldn't deliver them on a weekend, but no matter. My parents were gracious enough to offer their car, and we got them to the Yale Club on time and in one piece.

The cupcakes were a huge hit that evening. Not only did guests stuff bags with cupcakes to take home, many were munching on them while dancing to our amazing band, The Touch.

Many of my friends told me how much they loved the little detail and how "TallGuy and Wedding Fairy" they really were. I was so thrilled.

A last-minute, "gut" decision paid off. While the favor was a little bit more than I would have normally spent, I thought the few extra dollars was worth it.

Having something I absolutely loved at the wedding, even as simply a little detail, was really wonderful, because we felt as if the guests really enjoyed it.

As you plan your wedding, think about your loves and passions--and ways to incorporate them into your day. Even walking down the street can be a source of brainstorming, as the Crumbs storefront was for me.

No matter what you do - realize that when things "go wrong", there is always an answer. Remembering that can keep you as a gracious, level-headed bride, no matter what adversity you face.

Stay tuned! And have a cupcake!

AS AN ASIDE: SOMETHING SWEET

2009-09-01T16:14:00.001-07:00

I was looking at Martha Stewart weddings, and I came across an adorable and a little bit off-the-beaten path wedding favor.

Made out of sugar cookies. Yum yum yum.

Martha suggests stacking basic sugar cookies to look like baby wedding cakes. Icing fastens the "layers" of the cake, and all is topped off with sugar flowers. Cute packaging seals the cakes with class.

Sweet and sugary favors are always a big hit!

Click here for the recipe.

http://www.marthastewartweddings.com/portal/site/ww/menuitem.9da96f5acde0a93df8aeef105173a0a0/?vgnextoid=87b0cf06cd80f010VgnVCM1000003d370a0aRCRD&vgnextfmt=default

Enjoy and stay tuned!

WEDDING DRESS SHOPPING: RIDICULOUSNESS VS. GRACIOUSNESS (PART III)

2009-08-31T15:33:00.000-07:00

This is the moment.

This is the moment I remembered so vividly before the wedding ceremony, when I realized that everyone in attendance would finally get to see "the dress".

Maybe it wasn't such a big deal to everyone else, but it was a big deal to me. After months and months of searching, I finally found "the one". While it took me 3 return visits to commit (as "the one" was a little over budget), I knew that my Oscar de la Renta ballroom gown was one of the most important elements of the wedding planning.

And, right before I walked down the aisle with my father, this was the scene. This was the moment. And I was so excited to see TallGuy down that aisle, and walk proudly down the aisle to "the one" IN "the one".

Therefore, I UNDERSTAND how stressful finding a dress really can be. All I can say it this; no matter how you get there, you'll get there. I definitely had not-so-positive bridal gown shopping experiences (at places about which I had heard nothing but amazing things).

But - you will get there. You will get to that moment. And when you walk down the aisle, you will be in "the one" which is "your one". I can promise you that.

Stay tuned!

WEDDING DRESS SHOPPING: RIDICULOUSNESS VS. GRACIOUSNESS (PART II)

2009-08-30T14:40:00.001-07:00

My future sister-in-law (I'll call her BroadwayGal (for her love of Broadway shows)), my mom, and I went to Saks a few Saturdays ago, as BroadwayGal wanted to show us an amazing Vera Wang dress that she had seen at the store on her first visit.

BroadwayGal had told me that her first visit to Saks was not the most positive. In fact, the saleslady (who I call, instead of "Cruella deVille" - "Cruella de Saks") was rather rude, and questioned BroadwayGal as to why, in heavens, she had not looked at bridal magazines and clipped photographs of dresses for her visit to the store.

BroadwayGal's reaction (and I'm paraphrasing here)? "Why should I be questioned about how much "research" I've done? Why can't someone just be happy to help me and work with me, based on what I've seen or not seen?"

I don't think any bride should be made to feel as if she hasn't done her "homework" when it comes to looking at dresses. I know that I was NOT looking for a ballgown dress. Yet, I ended up buying one--regardless of the fact that I was looking for an empire waisted dress!

So, not everything is as it seems when it comes to dresses and trying them on. AND, even more so, not everything is as it seems when it comes to professional and well-thought of bridal boutiques.

It seems that things could only get worse with Cruella. See below for a list of the faux pas-ness which was going on that day:

1. First, Cruella de Saks did not offer to have my mom and I sit down, while BroadwayGal was in the dressing room trying on the Vera Wang, and a few others that she wanted to show us. Cruella, after realizing we were standing for several minutes, made a half hearted attempt to find us a chair. That lasted about 5 seconds, but then she went to attend to something (or someone) else.

The "someone else" is #3 of this list, below. After about 15-20 minutes of my mom and I getting tired of standing, especially after my mom noticed an empty dressing room -- with chairs -- adjacent to the dressing room BroadwayGal was in -- my mom made the unfortunate mistake of going into the dressing room and sitting in a chair.

Cruella came dashing over (from where, who knows, since she was supposed to be attending to BroadwayGal), and basically chastised my mother for going into a room "of someone who has an appointment". The mystery woman with the appointment, shockingly, never showed up while we were there. We were absolutely amazed that Cruella had the audacity to throw us out of a dressing room that no one was in - at least for the time being - or even offer us 1 measly chair from said room! My mom and I would have shared!

Now, listen. I am NOT a high maintenance girl. I'm really not. And my mother is not a high maintenance woman. Having said that, I don't think it's unreasonable for a salesperson who is SUPPOSED TO BE doting on someone you care about- and who may spend thousands of dollars with that person - to offer basic seating - especially to a 65 year old woman.

I ended up sitting on the floor. No joke.

2. Cruella de Saks may also have been David Blaine in a woman's body- as she was really good at disappearing into the back room. BroadwayGal was inside the dressing room, struggling to get into certain of the dresses (those clips can be a bitch!), and Cruella was no where to be found. Was she watching Beverly Hills 90210? Performing some mystical ritual in the back? Playing tennis? We weren't really sure, but what we WERE sure of is that there was absolutely no attention paid to us whatsoever.

3. When Cruella DID emerge, she made the unfortunate mistake of showing us JUST how uninterested she was with being a part of BroadwayGal's experience. A mother/daughter team, which definitely did not have an appointment, showed up at Saks bridal in order to buy a veil. They were obviously well heeled, well monied, and well prepared to make a purchase - and Cruella made sure that they had a seat in the dressing room area, and were attended to by Cruella herself.

THE NERVE!

Not to be ignored or mistreated, and certainly not to have my future sister-in-law ignored or mistreated, I was "this" close to saying something.

But then I had a better plan.

After the dress appointment ended, and BroadwayGal showed us the Vera Wang she loved (which we loved too), I suggested that she call Joan from Bergdorf's, and see if Joan could order the very same dress to her store. That way, BroadwayGal could work with someone professional, poised, elegant, and EFFECTIVE - instead of giving Cruella the satisfaction of a commission which she did not earn.

BroadwayGal called Joan up, and that was that. While BroadwayGal didn't end up with the Vera Wang dress (and instead chose an even more beautiful option!), we all learned a lesson that day about the varying levels of customer service that come with wedding dress shopping.

All wedding dress stores are not created equal - and those which you think may be wonderful could, in fact, turn out to be the very opposite (and vice versa).

It's amazing how competitive and tough this industry can be. It may test even the most gracious and patient bride-to-be. But if you can get through experiences like these with a smile on your face (even while gritting your teeth!), you'll be all the more prepared for the next hurdle.

Stay tuned!

WEDDING DRESS SHOPPING: RIDICULOUSNESS VS. GRACIOUSNESS (PART I)

2009-05-18T18:04:00.000-07:00

Based on my future sister-in-law's dress shopping experience (as well as my own), I've been reminded once again that all salespeople are NOT created equal.

Before I get to the bad, let me start with the good.

But, let me first start off by saying: I never considered myself to be a "Bergdorf's Girl."

When I was dress shopping, I had hesitated about making an appointment at the bridal salon of Bergdorf Goodman, one of the most exclusive and high-end department stores in Manhattan.

I felt as if I would receive the "Pretty Woman" treatment ("....there's nothing in here for you - PLEASE LEAVE" :).

My budget was, by NO means, within reach of most of the fluffy, beautiful dresses on the shiny, beautiful racks, in that shiny, beautiful showroom.

When I walked into Bergorf's on that first visit with my mother, I felt uncomfortable and self-conscious. I didn't have on the Tory Burch ballet flats, or the Hermes bag. I was just a regular girl, with a regular budget, hoping for the best.

And the best is, surprisingly, what I received.

When I walked into the bridal salon, it was calming. No gaggle of girls or entourages. No overbearing salespeople waiting to pounce.

Based on my experience there, I felt ashamed that I had harbored pre-conceived notions about the "Bergdorf's experience" in the first place---given how above and beyond my saleswoman, Joan, really went for me.

It took me three visits for me to finally bite the bullet and order my Oscar de la Renta dress. And not ONCE, not for one SECOND, did Joan ever make me feel pressured, or guilty, that I didn't order it. Patient, sweet, and a total DOLL, Joan became a confidante. She was an absolute PLEASURE to work with -- after I ordered the dress, and was working with her, no request was too big. Could I come in and see the dress to try on with shoes? Sure! Could she call Oscar de la Renta's contact person to see if they had shoes that went with the dress? Sure!

It was always a pleasure working with Joan, and, when my future SIL (who I will call BroadwayGal - for her love of broadway!) got engaged, I highly encouraged her (OK, and was very persistent and annoying :) that she go see Joan.

I went with BroadwayGal to Bergorf's; not only did I get to have a mini-reunion with Joan (with plenty of hugs involved!), but BroadwayGal found an amazingly beautiful Ines Di Santo dress. BroadwayGal spoke with Joan about her price points/budget, and I found out later that Joan went out of her way (according to BroadwayGal) to pick out dresses well below the high-end of the budget.

Joan picked out dresses that were absolutely gorgeous, and she LISTENED to BroadwayGal about what she liked and didn't like.

We never felt that Joan was distracted or trying to help anyone else during our appointment, and it was just a pleasure to see her again, and to see her provide the same level of service to BroadwayGal that she gave to me.

I don't know if the other salespeople at Bergdorf's are as good as Joan, or if we just got lucky. But I love the fact that the bridal showroom at Bergorf's is QUIET, PRIVATE, and by appointment only. Most of the bridal salons are by appointment only, but sometimes they will bend the rules (if they feel someone will be buying on the spot - see my next post!) -- not this place.

In any case, the bottom line is that buying a wedding dress isn't just about the dress. In my mind, it's also about the experience of buying the dress. Since brides spend so much money on "saying yes to the dress", shouldn't the experience match the high price?

As BroadwayGal and I hopped over to Saks, we quickly saw a stark comparison. BroadwayGal had been to Saks, and wanted to show me a beautiful Vera Wang that she had seen. I went with her on Saturday.

Ridiculousness soon ensued, and I was absolutely unprepared for it.

The bottom line - sometimes being a gracious bride can be trumped by a ridiculous salesperson. BroadwayGal was gracious at Saks -- I was losing it.

In my next post, I'll provide a short saga regarding snippy salespeople---and how to handle (or not, handle, as the case may be).

Stay tuned!

HELLO 30! THE WEDDING FAIRY'S "NEW WAVE" OF WEDDINGS (PART III)

2009-05-08T09:37:00.000-07:00

Has anyone seen the movie "Bride Wars?"

I could not bring myself to watch it. I barely made it through the "Sex and the City Movie" (I had to turn it off and on about 3 separate times to make it through), so something even more superficial and trite was NOT up my alley in terms of viewership.

(by the way - Sorry to those who LOVED the SATC movie - or even liked/tolerated it. I happened to LOVE the show when it was on, but I found the dialogue in the movie, not to mention the general level of over-the-topness regarding Manolos! And Louis Vuitton! And [insert designer clothes or shoes here]!, really grating).

In any case, from what I understand, "Bride Wars" is about two best friends, who, due to a "clerical error", find out that their respective weddings at New York City's Plaza Hotel are on the same dates. (GASP!) Apparently, "hilarity" (or horrifying events, depending on whether or not you liked the movie) ensues, as both girls try to sabotage one another, I suppose, to maintain both their honor and their wedding dates.

Ugh. Movies like this really illuminate the ultimate cliche about a bride-to-be. And what I'm finding is that brides really ARE sharing with one another, and aren't competitive as this movie would suggest.

OK, I'm not necessarily talking about sharing a date/venue. However, my friend the other day was asking about the wedding band I used (The Touch), in hopes she could book them at her own affair. She will have many of the same friends at her event as were at mine - but she was more interested in making sure people had a good time, than worrying about using a band that some of her guests may have already heard, or known about.

Another dear friend (M) told me she had asked a close friend of hers (whose wedding dress she LOVED) if she would mind M trying it on - and if it fit and was "the one" for the event - if M could wear it for her own wedding. The friend happily obliged, and wasn't worried about M wearing her wedding dress. I think that's really nice.

Maybe these are small examples - but I do think that people these days are open to all ideas, and brainstorming based on being a guest at someone else's wedding is part of the process.

Competitiveness, be damned.

As I said, I don't know how "Bride Wars" ends, and maybe I should give the movie a bit more credit, considering I haven't even seen it.

However, the idea of two brides playing "tug of war" and being competitive for the sake of being competitive (if the Plaza is booked, one of the women can't find another venue? Come on), is not a bridal theory to which I subscribe.

I know that my friends who are brides-to-be don't either - and I think most women out there are just looking to plan a wonderful event, without ruining friendships or becoming nasty or competitive, whether it be about flowers, bridesmaids dresses, or anything else.

Stay tuned!

HELLO 30! THE WEDDING FAIRY'S "NEW WAVE" OF WEDDINGS (PART II)

2009-05-05T14:16:00.000-07:00

OK. So a lot seems to have changed since I was in the throes of wedding planning, and, before that, attending the first wave of weddings a few years ago.

It seems that short dresses are a new trend!!! How psyched (as a bridesmaid and/or wedding guest) am I?!

Obviously, for semi-formal events, shorter dresses, or tea length, has always been viewed as completely, 100% appropriate -- in fact, my future sister-in-law is choosing between some amazing frocks that are shorter in length, since their wedding is taking place on a Sunday afternoon (hence: semi-formal attire).

But, whether for a semi-formal or formal wedding, it seems that wedding attire is becoming more flexible. I LOVE being able to wear a short dress - even to a formal event. It seems a lot more comfortable, and, as a bridesmaid, I am loving the idea of being able to walk down the aisle without tripping on a long dress (which I have definitely done - albeit gracefully, thank goodness!)

At my own wedding (which was black tie), I noticed that many (if not most, at least among my friends) female guests were wearing short dresses -- all appropriate, and beautiful - but I wasn't expecting it! I loved it.

I guess the long and the short of it (haha) is that, these days, hemlines are changing, and brides--and guests--are throwing out "the rules".

I like that. It's refreshing and neat to see new trends. Just something new that I've observed, as a thirty-year old wedding fairy. :)

Stay tuned!

HELLO 30! THE WEDDING FAIRY'S "NEW WAVE" OF WEDDINGS (PART I)

2009-05-02T19:28:00.000-07:00

I just turned 30. 30?! I feel old. It's not that I really think 30 is that old. I mean, if you think about it, 65 is the new 40.

Regardless, having reached this "mini-milestone" has given me a chance to look at weddings from the point-of-view of a "thirty year old" (yikes).

Now that I am a year out from my own wedding (double yikes - where did the time go?), it's interesting to reflect on my own experiences, and see how friends and family are dealing with their own situations.

In the past 6 months, I have 3 close friends, and 1 close family member (my brother!) who have gotten engaged. More wedding planning! Yay!

I'm happy to say that I absolutely adore my brother's fiance, and I am excited to help her through the process (with anything that she may want my help WITH, that is). I also love my friend's respective fiances, so everything seems all good.

At my 30th birthday party, I was speaking with one of those friends who is getting married. We were talking about Save the Dates - and she said to me something along these lines (after I complimented her on her "STD"): "Thanks! We were excited to send them out, but we of course only sent them to those we definitely knew we could invite. We're afraid people will talk and complain if they find out they didn't happen to get a save the date - and someone they knew did - but we don't want to run into an even more awkward situation later by biting off more than we could chew."

I thought that was so interesting. As the Wedding Fairy of a few months ago, I may have been overly worried about the "what if I offend a potential guest" thing -- but, I realize that my friend is 100% right -- I mean, what can you do? There are things that are just out of your control, and at some point, you just have to LET THINGS GO.

I guess that's something, upon looking back at my own wedding planning (and looking back at writing these posts), that I may not have kept in mind as much as I should have. SOMETIMES THINGS ARE BEYOND YOUR CONTROL.

It's important to remember that - why? Because it's not worth the stress and agita during your wedding planning if you feel like you need to walk on eggshells lest you offend someone.

I never believe I have advocated that before (i.e. the "walking on eggshells" approach), and I certainly don't now. BUT, I think now, being older (and probably not any wiser, but for sake of cliche, I'll say wiser too :), I realize that letting things go is a good way to live. Whether at work or at home. I used to stress out all the time at work about the silliest, littlest things. And guess what? Nothing bad would ever happen.

Bottom line - it's important to let go in life, no matter what element (wedding planning or work).

In any case, it was fun to hear about my friend's planning--and to receive her save the dates!

I'm looking forward to getting back into the throes of wedding planning -- or at least, living vicariously through my friends and family.

Planning my wedding to TallGuy was one of the most fun things I've ever done in my 30 years (though obviously, the wedding was more fun, which was the point of all of that hard work!).

As you read, please remember to relax and enjoy the process...I can only hope I can help even a teeny tiny bit along the way.

Stay tuned!

GIRL, YOU BETTER WORK! (PART II)

2009-01-28T13:20:00.001-08:00

Continuing with the "graciousness" thread, I started thinking about how being a "good bride" isn't just about being a good hostess to your guests.

ON THE DAY OF THE WEDDING, brides (and grooms) should take the time to thank--I mean, really thank--any vendor contacts who are at the event. In addition, after the wedding, it's important to relay this information in the form of a thank you note or a phone call, if you are particularly happy with the results.

I know it seems so obvious of a point, but between circulating with your guests, trying to eat, and simply attempting to "take it all in", people may easily forget about those who have really made the day possible.

Although my amazing florist wasn't at the actual event itself, I made sure to find him before the ceremony, as he was working, to thank him profusely for his work. During the reception, I was able to chat a bit with our wedding coordinator, and let her know how much we appreciated her help through the process. Same with the "captain" who was running the actual dinner timing.

I sent thank you notes to all three of those individuals, as well as an email to the band coordinator, to let them all know how fantastic their services were.

When you are that happy with a vendor, you need to show it! Be over-the-top. It's OK.

Obviously, if you aren't thrilled with your results, then that's something you will need to work through with that particular vendor, even if it falls on the day of your wedding. If your vendor is rude or unhelpful, I am certainly not advocating gushing all over them. But, being pleasant is always a key to getting what you want, so just remember that, as you go through the process (a yelling bride-to-be is likely to get railroaded, versus a probably-annoyed-but-calm bride to be who isnt' 100% satisfied).

I was lucky in that I loved all my vendor's results. The bottom line? Keep it real, but on the day of (and after that!), try your best to be as gracious to your vendors as you are to your guests. If you aren't 100% happy, talk to them about it. Don't freak out. Don't scream. Working through it will get you a long way.

So, bottom line - work it. Work it with your vendors. Thank them for their services, especially on the day of. Good karma is important!

Stay tuned!

GIRL, YOU BETTER WORK!

2009-01-15T09:57:00.000-08:00

I love Ru Paul. Not going to lie -that ridiculous song, "Supermodel" - has always put a smile on my face.

I received a thoughtful comment a few weeks back about my own experiences at the wedding, with respect to "working the room", and greeting guests during the reception.

As cheesy as it sounds, my advice is this: "Girl, You Better Work!" (And Sashay and Chantay while you do it!)

In all seriousness, it's really important to say "thank you" to those who have made it out to your soiree. It doesn't have to be a 5 minute "thank you" by any means -- but going around to your tables (during dinner, if you are having one), is a great way to say hello to your random third cousin, or your husband's family friend, who you may not have had the chance to see during cocktail hour or the reception. Guests don't forget things like this.

Most importantly, they don't forget when a bride/groom completely forgets to see them at all during the evening. I had that happen (see one of my previous posts regarding "Significant Others"), and I thought it was not very gracious. Remember - you are the bride, and it is "your day" - but you are also the hostess - and a gracious hostess means a fun party that everyone enjoys!

Obviously, meeting and greeting guests during dinner means giving up a lot of other things during your wedding -- EATING being one of them. I have stressed in the past how important it is to eat during your wedding. It may sound ridiculous and so obvious, but somehow, brides often "forget" (i.e. don't have time) to eat. Brides need energy during the ceremony in order to talk to so many people, so I don't advocate mingling to the point of not having moments for you and your honey to chill and take a few minutes to yourself.

The key is balance. What TallGuy and I did was spend the first part of dinner going from table to table. Just to say 'hi, thanks so much for coming'. And then we moved on. If we got into discussion, we tried to keep moving as graciously as possible (without cutting off any conversation, of course), and then we got to as many tables as we could. If you are doing a sweetheart table, I think it's especially important to do the "meet and greet" during dinner. Sometimes, guests may be intimidated to come up to the bride and groom who are sitting alone.

No matter where you are sitting for dinner (whether at a sweetheart table, or a table with siblings, etc.), getting to guests' tables puts everyone at ease, and makes everyone feel important.

Ideally, you want to get to every table possible. If you're having a 300 person wedding, however, I know that this will be a challenge! I would make sure that you try and see as many people as possible during cocktail hour, and do the table mingling during dinner. But if you have 40 tables of folks, you have to make a decision about who you go to--and who you don't. If you have a table of close friends, skip them. You'll see them during dancing, etc. If you have a table of your father's work colleagues and clients, go see them. Those are the people you most likely will NOT see the rest of the night.

The goal, in my opinion (no matter whether you have dinner/dancing, a Sunday brunch wedding, or anything in between), is to make all guests feel welcome and important. Saying hello and thanking them is the best way to do that.

Timing-wise, I think TallGuy and I missed about 3-4 tables (out of 15 maybe?). We tried to see those people after dinner, to the extent we could. Did we do perfectly? No way. But we tried - and that is also one of the important things about being a gracious hostess. You can't please everyone, but you can certainly try.

Stay tuned!

KNOT IN MY STOMACH.....

2009-01-14T12:40:00.001-08:00

For the past few months, despite having a wonderful beginning to my marriage with my wonderful TallGuy, I've had a knot in my stomach.

There has been so much hardship happening in our country, and so much uncertainty, that, despite my personal happiness (and sense of contentedness), the sad state of the economy-- and those affected by it--was beginning to take its toll.

I would constantly have a knot in my stomach -- I was getting nervous over work, whether we could pay our mortgage, if things will turn out OK because of all of the joblessness issues in this country. While TallGuy and I are OK in these times, it's difficult not to wonder if any of the economic disasters will hit home--or close to home. It's already affected some of my dear friends.

The worry and anxiousness was beginning to really get to me, despite my general happiness.

I began to think about the things in my life that make me really happy, in an effort to try and bring back the sense of calm. I thought about my writing. I thought about what I had forsaken. And I thought about how much my writing made me happy--because it seemed to make others happy, too.

Writing this blog has always been an amazingly creative outlet for me. Whether readers agree or disagree with my ideas, I always have found (with the exception of a few) that people have enjoyed the discussions about etiquette and how not to be "that bride". I love that. I love that I can have such an outlet and actually provide my thoughts and feelings--and hopefully help people think about things in a different way--every now and then.

With all of the economic issues in the world, I realize that planning a wedding right now, for some, is a really tough challenge. Others who aren't struggling economically may still be thinking about how to have an "appropriate" wedding in these difficult times. These are all important issues.

My writing has always been a constant source of happiness. I realize that, in an effort to mentally cope with all of the other issues going on in the world, I actually had, inadvertently, forsaken one of the things that has always made me so happy.

I cannot promise to write every day, but I promise to try and write as often as I can. Writing this blog is helping me "un knot" the knot in my stomach -- and I hope that it will provide some amusement and fun for those of you planning your wedding, or just looking for something to read.

Stay tuned!

PS--Thank you, Miss Ready, for your sweet thought. I am back!!!

COCKTAIL HOUR: NOT A CAGE FIGHT (PART II)

2008-09-29T13:59:00.001-07:00

I'd like to continue on with my thoughts about cocktail hour, and bring up a very obvious--but very basic--concept (that I call the "Goldlilocks Effect".

Remember the childhood book, "Goldilocks and the Three Bears"? (One bowl of porridge was too hot, one was too cold, the next just right?)

When looking at a wedding reception, I would argue that the cocktail hour room is just as important--if not more important--than the room where a bride/groom choose to have their ceremony and reception.

Why? As I've said before, the cocktail hour really sets the tone for the rest of the evening. If your guests have an amazing time at cocktail hour, they are likely to continue the fun during the reception. If cocktail hour, on the other hand, is stressful and crowded, your guests may take that mood with them into the next part of the evening.

It's really crucial to choose a room (or rooms, if there will be more than one) that helps underline the feeling you want to convey for the night (or day). For example, I went to a beautiful wedding in New Jersey at an historic mansion. Cocktail hour was in several different, adjacent rooms throughout the mansion. While the use of a multitude of rooms could have felt labarynth-esque (see below), it really worked in this setting. Why? The rooms were easy to access and walk to and from, and the wedding really highlighted the feel of an historic country home, by allowing guests to wander and enjoy the classic decor--and somehow, feel as if they were living in that beautiful mansion for at least the evening.

Sometimes, though, using many rooms ends up working against a bride/groom -- IF the rooms are not well-laid out. TallGuy and I attended an extremely lavish (in my opinion, overdone) wedding at a very glitzy hotel in Manhattan. Cocktail hour was held in several different rooms. Each room was tiny and narrow (which led to crowding since it was a large affair), and it was difficult to find friends and family (whereas at the New Jersey wedding, the rooms were much more interconnected and spacious).

My point is that in searching for a venue, one really has to take into account the Goldilocks Effect - a room may be too large. It may be too small. It has to be JUST RIGHT. Whether on a budget or not, you are spending way too much money to settle for anything less.

When thinking about a cocktail room, try and have a good, accurate estimate in your head as to how many people you can expect to attend. If anything, overestimate the number, so you can figure out how you can prevent any sort of crowding. If worst comes to worst, and the room feels a little empty, that's OK. At least you avoid the throwing of the elbows.

If you use multiple rooms, walk through them and see if they "make sense". Do they evoke the feel of what you want for your big day? Or do they feel maze- like and not easy to navigate?

These ideas may seem obvious. They are. But when choosing a venue, it becomes extremely overwhelming (After having visited only 3 places, I was completely exhausted!) Doing a "trial run" to get the feel of what you want (walking through the rooms, figuring out numbers, and thinking about how the room will be set up/arranged) will help you form a blueprint of what is important to you.

As you go and search for the "perfect" venue, keep that mental blueprint with you. You WILL eventually find a spot that is "just right" -- but it takes some searching.

As for cocktail hour, the best thing to remember is that it does "set the tone". I'll continue on with my thoughts about cocktail hour, and how you can maximize enjoyment and comfort for your guests, in my next post.

Stay tuned!

COCKTAIL HOUR: NOT A CAGE FIGHT (PART I)

2008-09-24T16:35:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about cocktail hour, and how important of an event it is when a bride/groom choose to have a "full scale" wedding reception (i.e. ceremony, cocktail hour, reception).

To me, cocktail hour is that time when guests need to "re-fuel". After a ceremony--even if it's short--the first thing guests want to do is make a beeline for one of two places: the bathroom or the food.

Therefore, making hors d'oeuvres accessible -- no matter how many guests you have -- is of utmost importance (probably more important than how good the food actually IS).

Surely, no one wants to gobble down anything that's inedible.

But the worst thing about a cocktail hour, at least that I've experienced, is the fact that you end up waiting on a long line -- it's not really about the quality of the food, surprisingly. (If the food is amazing, well, that's a bonus--but if I can't even GET TO THE FOOD--that's a problem).

Serving stations are great, so long as there are quite a few of them, and they are spread out throughout the room where you have cocktail hour. Same with having waiters milling about.

I've been to many large weddings where there are literally lines 10-15 people long, elbows are thrown, and guests cut in front of you like it's a totally acceptable practice.

TallGuy and I were at a wedding a few months ago, and this obnoxious lady decided it was cool to cut in front of several of us waiting--and she loudly announced she was going to do it.

I strongly believe this should never happen at a cocktail hour. No matter how large the number of guests, a bride/groom should make sure food (and drink) is plentiful -- and spread out in many locations.

At our wedding, TallGuy and I were surprised that the cocktail hour room was pretty EMPTY -- most of our guests were on the balcony adjacent to the actual room. We found that having a indoor/outdoor combination was great, as it spread people out.

If your venue allows the use of an adjacent outdoor patio or balcony, or several small rooms, I would highly recommend that as a way to make sure your guests are comfortable--and eating.

In the next series of posts, I'll talk about the cocktail hour---to me, one of the most crucial parts of the wedding event, as it will set the tone for the rest of the evening (for those of you having only a cocktail hour, fear not..... the tips will still apply!)

Stay tuned!

NEEDING SOME INSPIRATION...THE WEDDING FAIRY RETURNS (WITH A REQUEST :)

2008-09-16T16:15:00.001-07:00

Hello my lovely readers. I hope you all have been well. So sorry for the long pause in my writings, but I've been trying to think about what subject or topic to tackle next.

And I keep trying, and trying, and trying! I am having The Wedding Fairy version of writer's block.

I need some inspiration to get me started, and I think the best place to get it is from the people who know the most about the planning process--and the ups and downs that go along with it.

My request from you guys? I'd love your thoughts and observations from a wedding you recently attended (something you absolutely adored or completely hated), photos of an amazing (or atrocious) wedding cake or bridesmaid's dress, stories, rants...basically ANYTHING that you think will inspire conversation and debate.

I'd love to pull you guys into my writing process, and though I certainly don't like having writers block, it IS a nice way to get inspired AND get you all involved.

Thanks in advance - I can't wait to read the dirty details that you have to share, and see any amazing (or horrid) photos that you can send my way! Your ideas will certainly inspire me to begin a discussion based on your thoughts and feedback.

Stay tuned!

TAKING THE TIME TO SMELL THE ROSES (NOT THE LITERAL ONES): REFLECTIONS ON MY WEDDING PLANNING (PART II)

2008-07-22T13:26:00.001-07:00

One of the other things about planning a wedding that I want readers to keep in mind is three little words:

MANAGE. YOUR. EXPECTATIONS.

Unfortunately, there are TONS of wedding magazines, websites, and blogs out there which present titillating stories about Ashley Simpson's "fairy-tale" wedding (an Alice in Wonderland theme! Crystal chandeliers all over the place!) or the fascinating details about the latest wedding of the celebrity du jour.

During my planning, I was aware of all of the fascinating tidbits, and sure, I read about them too. (In Style Wedding magazine was actually one of my favorite guilty pleasures).

The wedding industry doesn't even have to focus on CELEBRITY weddings to make many brides-to-be extremely self-aware during the planning process. WE (Women's Entertainment Network) has "Platinum Weddings", which is a TV show featuring couples spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on flowers, photography, and everything in between.

While it's fun to read about the beautiful Sylvia Weinstock cake a celebrity bride had shipped across country, or the ridiculously huge platinum wedding band purchased by a doting groom, it's important to remember the element of the ridiculousness about these stories, articles, and TV shows--and the fact that you don't need a large budget to have a beautiful wedding. If you remember that, then it will be much easier to actually enjoy the process. If you enjoy yourself, your attitude will rub off on others.

This may seem like an obvious point ("Yes I KNOW I don't have Ashley Simpson's wedding budget!"), but because so much happens during the planning process, it's easy to lose oneself when immersed in it--and forget how silly the wedding industry can be. This industry has a way of building up expectations -- and trying to get you to go over your intended budget (believe me, EVERYTHING was a battle in terms of my working within the parameters that I had). When I read In Style and became so disappointed that the favors I loved (which some celeb had at her wedding) were way too expensive for me, I realized that I had to be realistic about what I could--and couldn't--have.

My advice is to read these magazines, or watch these shows, for fun, but take them all with a grain of salt.

Some of you may wonder why any of this is important-especially as pertains to my blog, which is really about avoiding being "that bride".

Not taking too much stock in "what's hot" or the latest "must have" - like a Vera Wang couture dress- is a difficult but important thing to be able to do. The most critical thing during the planning process is to be a happy and healthy bride--a key element in behaving and acting with dignity and elegance through the planning process (and on the big day itself).

Being happy and having a good attitude while planning will make everyone around you happy, too. Constantly stressing (even internally) about what you cannot have (which, believe me, 99.9% of the population couldn't have either) does not a happy bride make.

This is in NO WAY to suggest any brides-to-be in cyberland are materialistic or celebrity-obsessed. But, having gone through the experience, and realizing that it's easy to get "sucked in" to all of the glam details in Town and Country Magazine, I figured I'd pass this piece of advice along to others.

I know that it is possible to have a beautiful wedding within certain financial parameters -- and knowing that is half the battle to enjoying the planning process - and taking the time to stop and smell the roses as you do.

Stay tuned!

TAKING THE TIME TO SMELL THE ROSES (NOT THE LITERAL ONES)... REFLECTIONS ON MY WEDDING PLANNING (PART I)

2008-07-18T17:03:00.000-07:00

One of the things I commented on in a recent post was how FAST the actual wedding went. It was all a beautiful blur, and while TallGuy and I had an amazing time, we really couldn't believe it was over, just as soon as we felt it began.

What DID feel like a long process--and which I really savored and enjoyed--was the wedding planning. Yes, there were some tears and frustrations along the way (as some of you may have read about with my being "favor-less" two days before the wedding!) But because I had a good deal of time to work on the dirty details (TallGuy proposed in February '07, and we were married in May '08), I was really able to think through every decision, and sit back and take it all in.

Even if you don't have that much time to plan, I think it's really important to have someone to go through the planning stages with--and I'm not talking about your husband-to-be or wedding planner. Sure, your fiance will be with you every step of the way, but let's be honest: most grooms-to-be will be happy if YOU are happy with the decisions, but won't necessarily be fretting about the flower arrangements or the color scheme. Some will--for sure--but did I fault TallGuy for not coming to the florist appointments or perusing a stack of magazines for cake styles? No way.

I couldn't afford a wedding planner, and frankly, I think having a confidante who is someone you've known a long time is the way to go (Not to say that I discount having a wedding planner, by any means, but I would think sharing the experience with someone you are close with--while simultaneously working with a planner, would be the ideal route).

I have talked before about not overwhelming friends and family with the details and endless lists of things on your wedding agenda -- but if you have ONE person that you know, trust, and love, and that person (you truly believe) is genuinely happy to throw themselves into the planning process with you, or even just act as a sounding board, then you will not only have someone as your "right hand woman" (or man -- I am completely gender neutral here!), but you will also avoid being the self-absorbed bride that I have encountered. Talking to 1 person A LOT about your wedding(as long as you know that they are cool with it), is definitely better than talking to MANY people about your wedding. Even if you think you aren't doing it a lot, it's good to cut back and be careful about what you tell to whom.

My mother was really my "right hand woman" through my planning - and we had such an amazing time bonding. My mother and I have always had a very close relationship, but planning the wedding, despite the tears and the freak outs (like our contact at the florist getting fired 2/3 of the way through our planning! Yikes!), was our special time, and our connection that no one else shared.

It was really neat to be able to sit down with my mom and show her swatches for the bridesmaid dresses, and go with her to appointments. My mom and I have very similar tastes, which was also great, and she was able to help me organize myself and my thoughts, and work with me to convey to the florists, to the band, and to anyone else involved what, exactly, I was looking for. But even if we didn't? It still would have worked, because I trust her opinion, as she trusts mine.

As a career gal in Manhattan, I KNOW that I could not have done the wedding planning alone. And if I wanted TallGuy to become more involved, I'm sure he would have been happy to do it. But to have a "buddy" or a confidante was not only helpful in terms of the actual results, but helped me maintain my sanity through the process. And the funny thing was - I really came to enjoy every single minute of it. If I were doing it alone, then I'm not sure I could say the same thing (I probably would have been too overwhelmed to really savor every day of planning).

Not everyone will have a mother who they want to involve - and that's totally fair (circumstances are different for everyone). But a close friend, or a sister (or brother), or a favorite cousin.... anyone who you think would be interested in helping you that you could go through the experience with is a great person to ask.
And if you don't? Then DO get your fiance more involved.

Wedding planning should not be a burden -- the joy of planning should far outweigh the stress and the down days. As TallGuy and I surveyed the empty chairs and the last few uneaten cupcakes that night at 2 AM, I couldn't help but feel a little disappointed by how fast everything went. But then I thought about the planning process, and how positive a process it was--and even if my wedding went by quickly, it was still an amazing day/night, as the planning process was an amazing year long journey. Did I have an unlimited budget? No way. Did everything go to plan? No. But working with someone--and bonding with someone special to me--really made the process so special.

The bottom line I can give you all - ENJOY YOURSELVES, AND YOUR TIME PLANNING. If you can find a confidante/friend to work with and talk to along the way? Even better.

Stay tuned!

WHAT DO WE THINK? BETTER?

2008-07-18T15:47:00.000-07:00

In an effort to make sure you guys keep reading (and sans headaches), I have changed the template of the blog (obviously :)

Let me know if this is more readable.... I really like pink, and thought it may be easier on the eyes.....

Next post will be about the wedding planning process in general .... I learned so much as I planned my wedding--one thing that I really want to touch upon is how you can really foster and solidify relationships during the planning stages.

I appreciate all of your feedback.

Stay tuned!

MUSINGS ON THE MISCELLANEOUS - QUESTION FOR MY AWESOME READERS

2008-07-10T07:10:00.000-07:00

I just received a comment, that I'd like to share with you:

"In the spirit of constructive criticism - and this is going to sound like a weird one... I LOVE your blog, but the black background with the white writing gives me such a headache that I can't read more than one post at a time... Might you consider changing to white?"

Not weird at all. Really, really helpful in fact. I appreciate the feedback.

Do others feel this way too? I'd be happy to change the template to make it easier for you guys to read - I always thought that white was actually more difficult to read, but maybe not.

What do other people think? Thoughts or comments?

Thanks, Anon, for bringing this up to me -- whether or not I get other responses, I will seriously consider changing the template - I don't want to give my readers headaches!!

Stay tuned!

MUSINGS ON THE MISCELLANEOUS: A READER VENTS, AND THE WEDDING FAIRY RESPONDS

2008-07-08T15:38:00.000-07:00

For every 25 sweet and thoughtful comment, constructive critique, or polite yet firm statement disagreeing with my posts, I get at least 1 or 2 really angry ones - mostly directed at the subject matter of my blog.

Here's the latest:

"This is for the original NUtcracker post. First time on this page... for the record I am paying for my own wedding and have no planner/coordinator. DIY Bride here. If for one damn day I want to be the center of attention.. so be it. A Grand entrance? Of course! A sappy slideshow? Check! (Only 6 1/2 minutes I promise) Sweetheart table? Oh yeah baby!! I will indeed be a gracious host and make sure everyone is enjoying the Filet Mignon I paid for. But hell yeah I'll be front and center that day... as I would expect my best girlfriend or sister to do on THEIR big day. I'm only planning on doing it once and I'm doing it big. My future husband who is my best friend will be making sure everyone's glass from the OPEN BAR is filled and everyone will get a good nights sleep in the hotels WE paid for. Not every bride provides things like this (and they damn well don't have to) Im lucky.. but you know what? They deserve their day too and if they want a 20 minute slideshow... DEAL... enjoy your food and go home and complain to everyone about what miserable couples we all are. Ciao!!"

Yikes.

I'm not really sure why people get so worked up about what I write - I have always maintained that my opinions are opinions ONLY, and I'm providing another way to look at the subject matter of weddings. I think this reader (probably not for long, given the fact that it doesn't sound like she likes what I have to say very much :-) is missing the point of my posts. As it is her "first time on this page", I tend (hope) to think that these thoughts are reactionary - if the reader gave my blog a chance, perhaps she could find something useful among all the pages.

I have NEVER claimed that brides-to-be who have a slide show or grand entrance are one-half of a "miserable" couple. Please. When I started this blog, I was actually a GUEST looking from the outside in -- NOT a bride or bride-to-be. I figured that, as a guest, I could very well provide a detached, observer's viewpoint from which to write about the wedding planning process.

As a guest, YES, I don't love slideshows - I find them boring. Sorry. My opinion, and my opinion only. Am I calling brides who have them rude, obnoxious, self-centered, or self-absorbed? No. I'm just letting people know that all of their guests may not enjoy them very much. As a bride during the planning process, I wanted to know what guests did and didn't enjoy - my feeling is that the wedding is about a celebration with family and friends, and it shouldn't be a spotlight for the bride and groom at the expense of the guest's enjoyment. Again, just my opinion. On the flip side, do I think that I'm some sort of "guestzilla" or horrible human being for HAVING these opinions? No freaking way.

Weddings are very personal things - if you want to have a 6 1/2 minute slide show? Good for you! I would hope that there are brides (or brides to be) out there who have had (or will have) slide shows or grand entrances -- and aren't responding to my opinions in such a reactive manner.

The whole point of this blog is to provide a fresh perspective. If you don't like what you read? I hope you will continue reading. If you find my opinions repulsive and absolutely inappropriate that you have to angrily respond to a post that is only meant to help readers -- and not send such a diatribe? Then stop reading, go plan your wedding, and forget about The Wedding Fairy, and what she has to say.

The reason I wanted to address this comment, is that I would hate for this to be up after the "Nutcracker" page and other readers think, just skimming the comment alone, that, as the Wedding Fairy, I am intimating these couples are "miserable" - this (obviously) is not the case.

To all of my readers who have provided interesting thoughts, words of encouragement, constructive criticism or helpful counter-opinions, I thank you. Please keep your ideas coming. I have no problem with counter-arguments or heated discussions about the subject matter of my posts. That, I believe, is helpful and provokes further commentary.

I will be back soon with more on the wedding, and certain topics/subjects which I found interesting as a result of my own experiences. Thank you guys, for all of the support. It's hard to believe that it's been nearly 3 years since I've been doing this.... it's gratifying to know that all of the positive responses and support greatly outnumbers statements like the above.

Stay tuned!

AN ADDENDUM TO MY LAST POST (THE NAME OF MY BAND)

2008-06-27T13:20:00.000-07:00

Some of you have already contacted me regarding the name of the band we used for our wedding. I have provided the info below, but want to make sure you all know I have absolutely NO affiliation/connection with this band (no one in the band is a friend or a family member, for example!), so you can be assured this is an honest assessment/review:

The name of the band is: "The Touch" -- they are not a "big band" -- which I love about them - it's about 5 or 6 guys who do what they do EXTREMELY well. To me, they feel very "unwedding-band" like, and just play really cool, fun music.

You can check out their site at www.thetouchpage.com, and you can reach their manager, Barbara, at omnipop entertainment -- www.omnipopbands.com, 516.937.6011. She's extremely sweet and helpful, and will bend over backwards to accommodate even the most last-minute request.

My brother-in-law mentioned to me that he saw The Touch play a wedding at a friend of theirs the week before ours, and played Radiohead's "High and Dry". Radiohead is one of TallGuy's most favorite bands, so I asked Barbara a few days before the wedding if they could play that song, since it was one of his favorites.

Not only did they play the song extremely well, but the band leader did a little "shout out" before playing it - i.e. that it was a favorite of the groom's and I had requested it -- it was so amazing and TallGuy was so blown away.

Good luck to all with the band shopping!

COMMENTS ON A (MY) WEDDING: WHAT I LEARNED AND HOW I LEARNED IT (PART II)

2008-06-27T11:55:00.002-07:00

Now that I've had some time to process what seemed like a dizzying, whirlwind few weeks (wedding and honeymoon), I've been able to think about what I want to write about and what thoughts/nuggets of advice I wish to convey.

Just for fun, I thought I'd write a post about things that surprised me on the wedding day and evening, now having gone through the process. I think this may help brides-to-be think about wedding planning in a different light, because these are certainly a few things I wasn't expecting to have happen....

1. CONGA LINES = SO NOT CHEESY.

So, if anyone told me I'd have a conga line at my wedding, I would have told them they were insane. I had this grand vision of this really elegant event in my head (much like a beautiful, intimate dinner party a la Pride and Prejudice - but with dancing to a great band), and ridiculous gimmicks like the chicken dance, the electric slide, and the conga line, were, well things I was REALLY trying to avoid.

At one point, the fantastic, fantastic band we used (anyone in NYC let me know, I can give you their name -- reasonable for a band, and so much fun - everyone was up on their feet all night) began to play one of my FAVORITE WEDDING BAND SONGS EVER -- "Jump in the Line" (Harry Belafonte).

You all know the song (I'm hoping)? It's the one from "Beetlejuice" when the dinner guests are all possessed and dancing at the dining room table ("Jump in the Line! Rock your body in time! OK I believe you!" "Shake Shake Shake Senora! Shake your body line!")? In any case, it's a wonderful, "get up and dance" kind of song which I had asked the band to play.

Imagine my surprise, then, when one of our guests started a conga line -- right there on the dance floor -- and EVERYONE dancing joined!!! I think there were about 30 people in a line on the floor at one point, and I'm telling you, it was one of the highlights of the night for me (I also got to lead the line, which was pretty cool :-))

To sum it up--things as spontaneous as a conga line may occur, which you may have thought were totally cheesy and totally weird beforehand---but at a wedding, when that much joy, and that much happiness is in the room? It totally works. If people start playing coke and 7 up..... you will know your guests are having fun!

2. "OH, SURE, I'LL EAT ALL NIGHT - STOP WORRYING!"

I've heard time and time again that brides don't have a chance to eat during their weddings. I was so not into believing that cliche, and completely fooled myself into thinking that I would chow down along with everyone else.

I don't know what it was- the nerves, the excitement, the complete whirlwind, or just lack of time because we were chatting up people... but I really struggled to sit down and eat all of the wonderful food our club provided. At one point, the captain (who was coordinating the event) gently suggested that TallGuy and I come eat our dinner since we were making the rounds greeting everyone.

We finally did -and I had some steak - but that was about it. It's not like I was trying NOT to eat -- it just was really difficult to see people and be a gracious host while downing a ton of food. My suggestion - try and get through cocktail hour if you can, and make sure to SIT your butt down - at least for 20 minutes or so - during dinner to eat. And have dessert!!!!

3. I'LL TOTALLY HAVE TIME TO TAKE EVERYTHING IN. TRUST ME! I WON'T FORGET A DETAIL OF MY WEDDING.

We had a huge beautiful flower arrangement in the cocktail room? The milk and freshly baked cookies were served by waiters to people on the dance floor? Um really? The wedding was SUCH an amazing night, but there are SO MANY things that I am just learning happened - through photographs of the room set up for the ceremony, through recollections of my friends, and a variety of other sources. Just take the time to sit back and enjoy everything that day/evening, but realize that it's almost impossible to take it all in at once -- you'll have photos and maybe video and friends and family to tell you about what happened that you may not have seen.

I find these impressions interesting, because I really thought I wouldn't be surprised after my wedding - but I was, on many levels. Remember to expect the unexpected as you plan - things are not always as they seem, but that doesn't always have to be a bad thing!

Stay tuned!

COMMENTS ON A (MY) WEDDING - WHAT I LEARNED, AND HOW I LEARNED IT (PART I)

2008-06-07T08:03:00.000-07:00

Thank so much for your sweet, thoughtful comments. I really appreciate it!

One comment from Mom2lo is a perfect segway into my first substantive post about my experiences:

"My goodness! That cake looks gorgeous and delicious! And are those cupcakes I see? Yum!!!"

Ahhh, the cupcakes. This was a game-time decision, and leads me to the first rule of thumb, which is comprised of three little words I think every bride needs to remember:

TRUST YOUR GUT.

The second three words? DON'T FREAK OUT.

Wedding favors were never high on my priority list. While it's a cute concept, I searched far and wide for months, and couldn't find anything that wasn't (a) cheesy or (b) ridicuously expensive. To me, spending hundreds (or thousands) of dollars on favors was not important (or realistic)- I'd rather put that $$ into my budget for the flowers, or the music, or the bridesmaids' dresses. Just a personal decision, but one that I felt strongly about.

We decided we would get our favors through a family friend in the restaurant business, who could put together a sampling of mini cookies, brownies, etc. in little bags. TallGuy and I ordered bags in bulk from a catalog we were given, and we thought we were on our way. TallGuy and I had designed a sticker label to put on the bags, and while at first I was against using a cheesy saying, I thought "Sweet Dreams" was to-the-point, and not too sappy.

A few days before the wedding, I thought everything was all set, but then there were complications with the bags that were ordered, and the alternatives (that we could buy in bulk) were not appealing. (Choosing favor bags may not seem like a big deal, but there are no crafts stores like Michaels in Manhattan, and our time/options was limited). Based on what the bags looked like, I rather would have had no favors at all than what was available. The mini cookies/brownies concept as well wasn't quite working out the way I thought it would.

Thursday night rolled around (the night before the rehearsal dinner), we were basically without favors, and time was running out. I kept thinking about creative, "quick fixes", and all I could think about was one word:

CUPCAKES.

There's a Crumbs bakery (which has some of Manhattan's best cupcakes, in my opinion) right down the street from my apartment. I love cupcakes and I go in there basically every week for a vanilla flavored with vanilla icing and rainbow sprinkles. Yum.

I almost did a cupcake wedding cake, but the place I had my wedding included the wedding cake, so I figured I'd go the traditional route without an extra cost for changing it up.

In any case, I turned to TallGuy and asked him, "So ...cupcake favors?" I then called some of the yummiest cupcake places in Manhattan (Crumbs, Magnolia Bakery, etc.) to find out prices and whether or not it were (a) affordable and most importantly (in my desperate state, I was willing to pay a bit more for peace of mind at this point) (b) doable 2 days before the wedding.

I was able to get through to Buttercup Bakery, and their price was the best of the bunch. They could do a large order at $1.25 per cupcake, so I ordered cupcakes in all pastel colors to match my decor, and made sure that some of them had rainbow sprinkles (my preference) and some without (TallGuy's preference). Although $1.25 was more than I wanted to spend per favor, I was willing to sacrifice price at that point - I figured that it was a good enough idea that, in the long run, I'd kick myself for the few extra dollars if I ended up with favors that guests didn't like or enjoy. Plus, I knew that not everyone at the wedding would have a cupcake, so I ordered fewer than the number of guests that were attending. It was a good call, because there were definitely a few left over.

While Buttercup couldn't deliver the cupcakes, my parents were awesome and volunteered to pick them up the morning of the wedding and bring them to the location. I was worried a bit about them staying fresh throughout the day/evening, but when they were put out on trays at 12 AM for people, they tasted delicious, and were a hit. In fact, our event location saved the few that were left from the wedding, and put them out for the brunch - they still tasted good then!

TallGuy didn't think we'd need the "doggie bags", but that turned out to be the best part, since most people ended up taking theirs to go --both at the wedding and the brunch -- the sticker label, which had the "Sweet Dreams" phrase and featured a cartoon-y bride and groom -- added to the whimsy, and I thought the whole thing ended up working out better than I could have anticipated.

The moral of this story? (a) Do what you think is best, and run with it. (b) Don't freak out in the process, because it's going to get you NOWHERE. Was I a bit panicked that I was favor-less 2 days (actually less) before the wedding? Were there some tears? Absolutely (but only in front of TallGuy!). But I knew that if I had to stick to my plan-B gameplan and just figure it out. I was proud that I was able to put something to the table (literally) that guests seemed to enjoy, and no one was none the wiser for this last-minute decision.

To sum it up, there will ALWAYS be gaffes, snags, complications, and surprises during the planning process -- even up to the very last minute. But if you remember that every "problem" has a solution, and that the wedding will still be fantastic and amazing regardless, it will all work out. Go with what you think and what you know, and don't look back. Your guests will thank you for it (and maybe have some cupcakes too!)

Stay tuned!

COMMENTS ON A (MY) WEDDING - WHAT I LEARNED, AND HOW I LEARNED IT (AN INTRODUCTION)

2008-06-03T05:03:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone! I hope you have all been well, and that each of you has had a wonderful and sunny beginning to your spring/summer season. I really appreciate the comments/posts from you guys, and your kind comments were so sweet and nice to come home to.

TallGuy and I are back from Italy, where we honeymooned for 2 weeks -- first in Venice, then in the Amalfi Coast. What an amazing time. We are jetlagged and tired, but still enjoying all of the memories that we have compiled in the past 2 weeks - both from the wedding and the trip.

Our wedding was May 17, 2008. And it was everything I could have ever dreamed it would be. The entire day (pre-wedding), and the actual ceremony and reception were exactly everything I wanted and hoped for - the day before (the night of the rehearsal dinner) was POURING RAIN - literally all day. I was worried that the day of the wedding would be the same - our wedding wasn't to be outside, but TallGuy and I did plan on doing photos at Grand Central Station, and there was a rooftop deck that could be used during the cocktail hour. Although rain wouldn't have made a huge logistical difference, I was hoping that it would at least be nice enough to take advantage of the outdoors. Was it ever! The day of the wedding - weather-wise - and everything else - was absolutely magical (at least to me). Saturday the 17th was a sunny, GORGEOUS day for photos and balmy enough for a partially outdoor cocktail hour, and all of our vendors turned out to be FANTASTIC.

Most importantly to me and TallGuy, all of our guests seemed to have so much fun. We wanted it to feel like an absolute party - more like a dinner party really - and I feel as if that goal was achieved.

Does that mean that everything went 100% to plan? Definitely not. In this series of posts, I'll certainly mention those elements, and how I learned from them.

While I am going to focus my attention in this series on my own wedding, I want everyone to know that I still identify with myself as The Wedding Fairy -- and my goal is ALWAYS to help people learn from my experiences. Please keep that in mind as you read my posts, look at my photos, and read about my thoughts. I want to share my ideas in order to help brides-to-be with their own planning--so if you have any questions, or comments, or want to do any general venting, please feel free. I love hearing from you, and having a dialogue with you guys is what makes this site interesting to me (and hopefully interesting to you all).

I know that I have a few comments/questions unrelated to this series to get to. And I promise I will get there.

For now, sit back and enjoy the show--the point is to entertain but also, of course, to help.

Here are a few photos from the wedding -- I still wish to remain identified as The Wedding Fairy (and hence remain anonymous, at least for now, on this blog), but I hope to post a few photos besides these "scenery shots" since a few of you have asked (I've posted on here of the back of me and TallGuy during the ceremony!)

Stay tuned!

LESS THAN A WEEK TO GO ....

2008-05-11T08:02:00.000-07:00

Hey guys,

I'm really sorry I have been MIA the past few weeks. Besides dealing with the nitty gritty details for the wedding, I have been trying to wrap up all my deals at work, so I can go on our honeymoon worry-free.

I cannot believe that the wedding is actually here - I am SO excited.

Things have been falling into place, and I am just hoping that everyone has a lot of fun - I want it to feel like a total party, and if everyone enjoys themselves, then my ultimate goal has been fulfilled.

I want to let you, my readers, know, that I have not forsaken this blog. And although it may seem as if I don't take my own advice ("make time for other things besides your wedding"), I have been trying to exercise, keep up with my friends, and stay sane -- writing has always been my outlet, and I am very sad that I haven't been good about keeping up with it as much as I should have.

In a nutshell - I will be back - with a vengeance - after the wedding and honeymoon have come and gone - and I will DEFINITELY be posting photos, memories, etc. which will help tie in to my blog's theme -- hopefully I will not have been "that bride" - and I will share what went right, what didn't (I am really hoping there won't be many of those to share!), and what will help you plan your own affair.

I will try to write again before the big day -- and if not, I will try and check in from Italy (we will have TallGuy's Mac Air -- which was my wedding present to him :)

Stay tuned!

GOING POSTAL - SENDING OUT THE WEDDING INVITATIONS (PART IV)

2008-03-28T09:59:00.001-07:00

I received a very interesting question from a reader that relates to FOOD at the wedding AND INVITATIONS!

What an awesome combo topic discussion! Thanks.

Here is the question:

"how do you about finding out if people eat kosher or are allergic to certain things? on the rsvp card??"

I have never been a big fan of putting food options on an RSVP card, unless the wedding is rather casual/informal. For formal and semi-formal events, the best bet is NOT to include this type of question. I think it leads to more questions than answers (some people may give "cryptic" responses ("I'm allergic." Um...allergic to what?!?), you may not be able to read the handwriting of others (which is why I advocate having numbers on the back of reply cards in the first place), and you basically have to end up asking the same question in a different medium!)

The best bet is to find a "word of mouth" method of communication -- If your wedding is small (even up to 150 guests, I would think), then try and find out from your parents if any of their friends have allergies or kosher requirements (and with your grooms family as well). If your family members or friends have a dire allergy or require a kosher meal (or a meal for a different dietary reason), then most likely, they will say something to you directly about it.

If they don't? Make sure your caterer has a kosher-meal option, a vegetarian option, and a way to ensure that someone with a peanut allergy, for example, can have the food sans-peanuts or peanut-related oils or related ingredients. I use peanuts as an example because this is a fairly common (but can be unfortunately severe) allergy. If an allergy is not as common, most likely your guests will be coming to you.

If you are still worried, then putting a general note on your wedding website is a good way to go:("We're so excited you are coming. If there are any questions you need answered, or any help you need with arranging your stay in XXXXX, please contact us at XXXX"). (Of course, you need to spread the word about your wedding website, but you can put that on your save the date, if you want, or tell your respective families to communicate that to the guests).

I don't think you have to make specific reference to allergies/dietary issues on your website, but if you feel like it's a possibility because you are having a large crowd, then you shouldn't feel uncomfortable.

Having said that, if you make it clear that people can contact you---and they choose not to---then you aren't being a "bad bride" if you believe you have exhausted all your avenues by trying to reach out to your guests in advance of the event.

I hope this helps. Thank you again for bringing up an interesting question that ties into both of the last two topics on my blog!

Stay tuned!

GOING POSTAL - SENDING OUT THE WEDDING INVITATIONS (PART III)

2008-03-27T09:53:00.000-07:00

Thanks for all of the feedback, guys. It's nice to hear your opinions, and I'm glad some of these ideas make sense and are useful to your own planning!

I thought I'd take the time to discuss another tricky element of sending out invitations -- what to do about A and B list guests.

The "B" list is *definitely* a controversial issue - some people simply don't believe in it; others think that by necessity, it HAS to play some role in the process of putting together a realistic guest list. As we all know, the "B" list is the list of guests who you'd like to invite, but due to budget/numbers, etc. -- you can't really invite without others first declining your invitation.

The most important thing to remember with the "B" list is this: Anyone on it SHOULD NEVER KNOW that they are a part of it!!! Every guest should always feel as if they were to be included from the get-go--and never an afterthought.

If you have a "B" list, make sure that you send out invitations (with the response cards) earlier than normal (Even 10 weeks ahead of time). Why? That way, if you get some "NOs", you can then invite people on your "B" list, and they'll be none the wiser.

Another idea is to order a few reply cards that DON'T have "Kindly respond by XXXX date". If you have blank ones that simply say "We request the favour of your response" (or something like that), then it doesn't look obvious if you send B list invitations out, since it's not as if people will realize that your cut-off date was April 1, and you sent their invitation on March 25.

TallGuy and I really don't have a "B" list, so none of this applies to us -- but when we were thinking about our guest list--and how we were going to manage it--we definitely bandied these ideas about.

One writer (I don't remember the source, but if I find it, I will definitely post it!) said that a guest would rather not be invited at all than to KNOW she were on the "B" list.

I couldn't agree more.

Stay tuned!

GOING POSTAL - SENDING OUT THE WEDDING INVITATIONS (PART II)

2008-03-26T08:50:00.000-07:00

Thanks to all who responded with their own experience/thoughts on the ridiculousness of having to calculate, and re-calculate (and re-calculate...ok you get the point) the amount of postage before sending the wedding invitations -- just to be safe.

There are other issues with sending out invitations that can come up, and I think it's important to address them--why? They definitely affect your relationships with guests, and even the most minute issue can end up being a problem later on, if it isn't handled properly.

This is probably a no-brainer, but it's important to remember to do it - if your reply cards don't have "blanks" to fill in a guest's name (i.e., M. ______ and M. _________ will/will not attend) -- and the reply card is simply a clean slate -- make sure to have a system in place so you know who is actually RSVPing.

Oftentimes, guests will send a reply card, and the handwriting will not be legible - so how do you know who it is?

Have a system with your reply cards -- on the back, bottom left hand corner, use a gold pen (or another light color) to write a "code" (I.e., a letter or number that corresponds with that particular guest). Make sure you have that "code" written down next to your guest list, so you know what it all means.

That way, if you can't read the card, you will know that "S2" means your Aunt Beatrice and Uncle Fred.

You probably wonder why I allude to "S2" -- I happen to think that using consecutive numbering could end up offending guests who notice that teeny tiny little number at the back fo the reply card.

Most guests probably don't. But I would hate for a guest to think that she were the "152nd" person on the list.

Therefore, have a system in place where you don't use consecutive numbers. For your fiance's parents' list, perhaps use the first initial of their last name, with a number following (for example, "L1, L2, L3"), and perhaps for your list, use capital letters ("A, B, C").

Whatever system you use, make sure you (a) write it down in 2 or 3 places so you know what "S2" means when you actually get the reply card back and (b) your guests don't know what the numbers/letters mean. (S2 is a lot more cryptic than 110).

Again, this is something that most guests will never focus on -- but it's always important to play it on the safe side (no one wants to think they were almost on a "B" list, or god forbid, are on the "B" list!)

Stay tuned for more to come on invitations!

GOING POSTAL - SENDING OUT THE WEDDING INVITATIONS

2008-03-16T13:49:00.000-07:00

I'm taking a break from food issues for now, as I wanted to make a point about invitations, since this is a huge part of the planning process.

So we've FINALLY sent out the invitations. Yay!

Talk about DRAMA, though! We bought the loveliest invitations, and then the best-laid plans were almost way-laid by....postage.

I'll post a photograph of the invitations this week. They are (in my opinion--and TallGuy's too!) absolutely beautiful -- very traditional, but also a bit unique (instead of gold beveled edges, we used a lovely copper). We ordered them through Michael C. Fina, from a company called Grosvenor, which is located in England (apparently some of their invitations will be featured in Martha Stewart Weddings in April).

(http://www.grosvenorstationerycompany.com)

While TallGuy and I were certainly aware of the cost as relates to the actual invitations, envelopes, and reply cards that we ordered, the one thing which I wasn't really thinking about was: POSTAGE.

Such an easy thing, right?

Well, we used a very thick card stock - which is beautiful and very elegant - but it ended up making the price of the invitations higher than it would have been---AND ended up creating a lot of drama before we sent them out.

My mom and I had the invitations weighed at 4 separate post offices (!!), and the first 3 times, they told us that the cost would be 1.14 (which would allow us to put on 3, lavender heart stamps for 41 cents each)

THEN, the 4th time we went, the post office said that, if the person processing the envelope believed it wasn't "Bendable", then it would be treated not as a large envelope, but as first class mail, or 1.47 per invitation!!!

The kicker? IT WOULD BE UP TO WHOMEVER WAS PROCESSING THE INVITATION TO MAKE THAT CALL. THEY COULD NOT PROMISE WHETHER THE ENVELOPE WOULD BE TREATED AS 1.14 OR A 1.47 OF POSTAGE!

While a supervisor at 2 different locations said that most likely the invitation would be sent out with no problem (with 3 41 cent stamps), we knew we couldn't take any chances.

MOST LIKELY??

I COULD NOT believe that there was no objective standard that the United States Post Office had to determine postage.

So this would not have affected guests in the short-term (they would have been sent back to us, obviously), in the long-term, things would have gotten pretty complicated. We would have had to basically start all over (in terms of envelopes, calligraphy, etc.), since we couldn't obviously send them out with the "return to sender" stamps on them.

In addition, we also had to re-weigh the reply envelope -- while a very small envelope, I began to get nervous that because of the heavy card stock, the postage would be more than 41 cents. THAT would have been embarrassing, if we hadn't put on enough postage for guests to send back their RSVPs. Fortunately, 2 different postal workers told me that they were *definitely* less than 41 cents. I will not believe that until we get back the reply cards from everyone, but here's hoping!!!

In a nutshell, make sure, when you order your invitations, that you know how much postage you are going to need-both for the invite and reply card.

I had bought these amazing Audrey Hepburn vintage 37 cent stamps on ebay, which cost me an arm and a leg. But because they were 37 cent stamps and larger than the heart stamps, I ended up not using them -- I had thought I only would have needed 2 to begin with -- and I would have needed 4 in the end. They just wouldn't have looked right, in the end.

It's extremely important to calculate correctly--go to the post office once, twice, three times if you have to. If I hadn't been so anal about it, I never would have had the 4th person tell me there was a *chance* they would be considered a higher postage envelope.

Ugh.

In the end, it all worked out - just as everything does. Had I been a bit more cognizant of this issue to begin with, though, I may have saved myself a lot of time, effort, and aggravation. Just a word to the wise...

Stay tuned!

PS-DON'T FORGET THAT POSTAGE WILL BE GOING UP SOMETIME SOON - I THINK MAY. THAT MEANS FOR YOUR REPLY CARDS TOO!!

THE TASTING - YOU GOT SERVED (PART III)

2008-03-13T17:45:00.000-07:00

So now it's time to get into the wedding cake.

Wedding cakes can be absolutely beautiful and breathtaking -- but edible? That's a different story.

Take, for example, the beautiful cake that is pictured - I wish I could just break through this photo and take a bite of the cake - I'd be SO curious to try something that looks so amazingly constructed -- out of fondant.

I don't really get the allure of fondant, to be honest. Every time I have tried a cake made in this manner, it has been rubbery and tasteless to me. Sure, the cake *looks* amazing--with flowers that you'd *swear* were real (but are actually not!)--but the taste? Yuck.

We're doing buttercream frosting, which means that we probably won't have as glamorous of a cake. Buttercraem, to us, tastes a whole lot better -- and we think our guests will actually enjoy the wedding cake, too.

Another reason we went with buttercream was that we really didn't care about the preservation issue. A lot of brides and grooms are sentimental, and freeze wedding cake after their wedding. TallGuy and I aren't really into the idea (and my feeling is that you should only maintain traditions you actually believe in), so we think that buttercream is the way to go.

I think that the bottom line about wedding cakes is it's all about what you are looking for. Whichever way you choose, I don't think guests will be disappointed. If you go with fondant and achieve an amazingly well-thought out look for your cake, guests will marvel at what it looks like (and who knows--maybe it will taste good too). If you go with buttercream, your guests will no doubt think it tastes great. There's always the compromise position of going with a little of both -- and that, of course, works too.

So many ideas, so little time. I'll let you know what our wedding cake ends up looking like--and tasting like---after our wedding in May (we had our amazing tasting, but the wedding cake filling favors and the like were NOT available for sampling!)

Stay tuned!

THE TASTING -- YOU GOT SERVED (PART II)

2008-03-10T15:58:00.000-07:00

To all my faithful readers- sorry it's been a while. I've been poring over pages of Bridal magazines and watching the Food Network (really) to try and come up with some culinary inspiration.

Although I love food, I'm not really a "foodie". Yes, I love wine - but despite my trip to Napa/Sonoma, neither TallGuy nor I is a "connoisseur".

In doing my research and going to numerous weddings AND my tasting, I came to realize that it *really* doesn't matter if your wedding food is "high end" or not - as long as people like it, I really don't think you can go wrong.

Take, for example, the choices TallGuy and I made for our appetizers. Now, we could have gone very frou-frou and done more exotic choices -- but we ended up deciding on mini hot-dogs and sliders as 2 of 8 of the appetizers.

Hot dogs and hamburgers. Hmmmm. Not *exactly* what you'd think of when you think an elegant New York City evening wedding. Right?

Actually, I think the mini hot dogs are PRECISELY what ANY wedding calls for -- at every wedding I've been to - from cocktail hour semi-formal to crazy ridiculous expensive black tie - the mini hot dogs are always a hit (not just with me and TallGuy, but with, well, everyone!)

We decided that sliders would also be a cool appetizer to bring into the mix. We certainly have other options (for vegetarians and others not so into these ideas), but we know a majority of our friends (and our parents' friends) will be very excited.

There are things that I'm introducing in terms of food/drink that may be off-the-beaten path, but I find that I'm not straying too far from what I know.

We decided that our signature drink would be a Kir Royale - why? I LOVE them. They taste yummy. They're a beautiful color pink, which is one of colors in my palette. And they're fun.

Most people think of Kir Royales as served during the holiday season - and that's precisely what I love the idea. It's a little different. A little unexpected. And certainly a fun alternative to a martini bar.

There are so many ways a bride can go to be "different" for her wedding-and food was certainly one area where I had thought I should try and go off the beaten path. But sometimes, popular favorites (mini hot dogs, a sushi bar, filet mignon) are popular for a reason - people love them! Therefore, don't be afraid to do what YOU like -- because I bet you that your guests will like it too.

My next post will concentrate on ideas that sound good on paper, but *may* in reality stray far from what is edible. I'm going to next tackle the wedding cake -- which is something that I think needs discussion. Why? Because most guests never really like/enjoy/devour the wedding cake. And I want to understand why-as a guest-and as a bride-to-be whose wedding is in 2 months!

Stay tuned!

"THE TASTING" -- YOU'VE GOT SERVED.... (PART I)

2008-02-11T16:43:00.001-08:00

So here are some of the issues that I'm grappling with, based on the idea that your choices affect your guests--whether directly or indirectly.

**CALLING ALL VEGETARIANS**

As one poster rightly pointed out, vegetarian "options" are oftentimes afterthoughts--instead of yummy meals that the rest of us get. During my tasting, I am going to make sure that (a) vegetarian options are available AND (b) that they will actually TASTE GOOD - and not simply be a mish mash of veggies on a plate.

**KOSHER/OTHER DIETARY RESTRICTIONS? GET IT COVERED**

The last thing you want is a guest who cannot enjoy himself due to their religious or cultural practices. Sure, you don't have to have a kosher meal for everyone at your wedding, but it's definitely important to make sure your caterer or venue has that option available. Same thing with any other dietary restriction due to one's beliefs.

**ALLERGIES, ALLERGIES, ALLERGIES**

OK. So you aren't going to know whether certain of your guests will break out into hives if they are served seafood---or peanuts---or [insert food here]. However, if you DO know if a certain allergy that a good friend or family member may have, address it with the caterer at your tasting--or well before your tasting, if possible--to make sure that you can figure out a menu that makes sense, or an alternative for those particular individuals who need to eat something else. It is definitely your wedding, your day--- but it's always good to think about these issues before the big day....

So these concepts may seem like COMMON SENSE, but sometimes these issues slip through the cracks at or even before a tasting. Why? Because you're thinking of ten zillion other things, and during the tasting, there are other issues that you have to deal with (like the actual food you are trying!).

A good hostess not only keeps guests happy and entertained the day of the wedding, but makes sure that all goes to plan by dealing with issues beforehand.

Talk to your caterer about any and all concerns you have -- you're paying a hell of a lot for their services, so make sure to open your mouth and say what you need to stay. Your guest will thank you for it!

Stay tuned!

"THE TASTING" -- YOU'VE GOT SERVED....

2008-02-01T10:51:00.003-08:00

So as I get psyched for my shower and bachelorette party, another exciting thing happening in the next few weeks is the tasting at the reception site.

I have no idea how it happened, but my wedding is something like 3 months and 2 weeks from today.

WHAT?!?! In addition to the festivities above, I also have the tasting to think about. So many great things, but there are so many choices to make in the last few months, it becomes overwhelming.

In my mind, the two most important aspects which can make (or break) a wedding? The music. And the food.

Thinking about it practically, I don't think that people leave a wedding with a bad taste in their mouth (figuratively) if food is just mediocre. If it's heinous? Or rancid? Then yeah. Definitely not a good thing.

But GREAT food? Or INVENTIVE food? THAT'S intriguing. And different. It's what I'm hoping to achieve -- I should say "we" - as TallGuy is included in all of this planning- but he just wants me to be happy -- so we sometimes turns into "I" :)

As far as keeping guests enthusiastic and content, a tasting can go a long way, as it's a great "practice run" for the big day-- and for the amount brides/grooms spend on reception sites -- they SHOULD have the ability to try the food before it is served on the wedding day.

This series of posts is going to delve into aspects of the menu - and how this can actually affect guests' happiness and comfort level.

Hard to believe? I'm already thinking ahead about my vegetarian friends/family, as well as those with peanut allergies (seriously).

The three-part series will look first at the basics of how your choices affect people, then I'll discuss whether "inventive" options will be beneficial -- or simply backfire -- and my conclusion will focus on what I think I'll actually be doing for my wedding (food-wise, that is), and how I made certain choices.

Stay tuned!

MUSINGS ON THE MISCELLANEOUS: BACHELORETTE PARTIES AND OTHER "ADD ONS"

2008-01-23T18:39:00.000-08:00

It's hard to believe, but my shower/bachelorette party are in less than a month.

Insane!

I JUST feel like I got engaged -- how is it possible that this is happening so quickly?!?!

Don't get me wrong -- I'm super psyched -- I just can't believe how time has flown.

As I look forward to my shower and bachelorette, I've been trying VERY hard to keep my friends in mind.

A long time ago, I talked about "add ons" -- and how it's not simply the wedding present that creates cost to friends/family invited to and attending the wedding and related activities.

It's the shower gift. The $100+ ladies plunk down on bachelorette "stuff" (drinks, dinner out, etc. etc.) Flights or train tickets for out of towners. Hotel stays.

The cost can become immeausrable, in some respect. And I understand it. I've been through it!

In terms of my shower/bachelorette weekend, I'm THRILLED that 90% of the friends I invited will be attending.

Many of these friends are from out of town, which is another complication, since NYC hotels cost at least $250-300 a night if you don't want to sleep in a rat-infested box.

Here is how I am trying to avoid being "THAT BRIDE"

1. TallGuy and I are going to stay at my parents' place the weekend of the shower/bachelorette -- and I have invited 3 of my friends (flying/traveling from out of town) to stay at my apartment (beds, air mattresses, or however it needs to happen). This will cut any hotel costs, which is a HUGE add-on -- at least in NYC.

2. I've made it very clear to my sister (who is planning the bachelorette party) that we need to cap the amount that dinner/drinks will cost. Although it's a NYC affair, we're trying to find places that are REASONABLE--relatively speaking.

3. I've asked my sister to not have the others pay for my dinner/drinks out -- even if she includes it on her tab, I told her I'd pay her back. I don't need people paying for me, as gracious as it is for people to try and do it. Plus -- I'm such a lightweight, one or two martinis will do me in -- and that's FINE BY ME. No need to have drink after drink after drink....although I plan on having a lot of fun, I know my limit!

These are some of the ideas I have so far in terms of how I can cut others' costs.

We'll see how the weekend goes, and what it actually ends up being in terms of dollars. I am gratified that so many of my friends are making the trip to celebrate--whether it be from Brooklyn or Atlanta---so I really hope that these ideas will help make people feel like they aren't paying for too many "add ons".

Stay tuned!

ADDRESSING ENVELOPES FOR YOUR INVITATIONS: THAT OLD "PLUS ONE" CONUNDRUM (PART III)

2008-01-22T16:40:00.002-08:00

As I re-read many of my posts, I realize, once again, that there is absolutely no black or white when it comes to these issues. That's why I love writing this blog -- while I have opinions as The Wedding Fairy, based on my own experiences, I realize that many, many others out there have different ideas on the same subject.

No matter WHAT you end up doing in terms of the "plus one" issue, the bottom line is HOW YOU APPROACH the situation -- more so than WHAT DECISION YOU ACTUALLY MAKE in the first place.

With my friend who snubbed TallGuy, there were a number of things that made me angry. Was the fact that he wasn't invited to the wedding one of them? Sure. We had to rearrange our whole trip in order to be there. But it was ALSO about circumstance--and HOW SHE HANDLED the situation--not only the mere fact that I had to go to a wedding alone.

If I weren't led to believe TallGuy would be invited, I certainly wouldn't have cared as much. Regardless, if she had simply called me to apologize after the fact, it would have left a better taste in my mouth.

But an email meekly attempting to apologize - and rationalizing it by telling me WHY she couldn't invite him (because he didn't fit into one of the "categories" -- i.e. engaged/married or someone the couple knew well) -- that was the icing on the wedding cake for me.

I recognize that it may not be 100% YOUR choice as to whether to invite the "plus ones" -- and it may be dependent on your parents, too, if they are footing the bill.

However, it's the way you go about the situation -- and every situation is different. Treating your friends on a case-by-case basis, in my mind, is a more honest and thoughtful approach then lumping engaged/marrieds in one category and non-marrieds in another.

No matter what the end result, it's really the path you take to get there that is important. Your friends will thank you for it (even if they don't outwardly do it, I promise you they will think you are a very thoughtful and generous bride) :)

Stay tuned!

ADDRESSING ENVELOPES FOR YOUR INVITATIONS: THAT OLD "PLUS ONE" CONUNDRUM (PART II)

2008-01-18T19:55:00.000-08:00

I had put up a poll regarding what you guys think has been the most stressful part of the planning process.

One of the categories up there is trying to figure out guest list issues - to me, this has been one of the most difficult tasks to deal with.

Surprisingly (or unsurprisingly, depending on your experience) this has particularly been the case as relates to my colleagues at work.

What to do?

I have one good friend at my firm, but everyone in my department (about 15 people in a company of about 100) is very friendly, and it's difficult to know where to draw the line.

I decided to invite my good friend-colleague/her husband and my main boss/his wife as the work-related guests.

But what about my other colleagues who I see/talk to every day? And who ask me about the wedding all the time?

Unfortunately, there's not much I can do here. As I'm sure some of you have found, it's either doing the major cut-back with work people -- or inviting too many of them.

Since I'm all about the "PLUS ONE", I would also have to expect that inviting 10 people could inevitably lead to 20 additional folks at the wedding (presuming all were attending).

I think the key is scaling back how much I talk about the wedding at work, and who I choose to talk to ABOUT the wedding. I never share details unless someone asks me, and if colleagues bring up the wedding, I try to downplay and not get into too much discussion. I think that's really the fair way of going about things.

What about you guys? Do you find that inviting people/not inviting people from work becomes a difficult issue? Or do people have blanket rules about not inviting work colleagues?

Every experience is different - again, I have to stay true to what I believe about inviting friends WITH GUEST -- and how that will affect the overall number of people I can end up inviting....

Stay tuned!

ADDRESSING ENVELOPES FOR YOUR INVITATIONS: THAT OLD "PLUS ONE" CONUNDRUM

2008-01-12T13:26:00.000-08:00

So you all may remember why, back in the early days of my posting, I started this blog in the first place.

For those of you who don't feel like doing back-reading, the gist is this: TallGuy and I had planned an exotic trip abroad. My then-good friend from work told me the weekend of her wedding would fall on one of the days we would be away. TallGuy and I re-arranged our trip plans to be able to attend her wedding, which meant losing the hotel we had really wanted. My then-good friend was really appreciative, and told me she was looking forward to our being at her wedding. Months pass, and I hear less and less of my then-good friend (who decided her planning was more important than anything else, including keeping up her friendships). I eventually get an invitation in the mail addressed to ME - with no mention of TallGuy OR "and Guest". A feeble e-mail followed 2 weeks later from my "ex" -- "apologizing" for not inviting TallGuy, and telling me that because we were not engaged or married, she and her then-fiance could not invite us, as they had to only invite others in this category.

OK - that wasn't really a gist. BUT, I had to give some background so we can have a good disussion of the "PLUS ONE" CONUNDRUM.

When TallGuy and I initially sat down to draft a guest list, one of the important things for us was to make sure that all of our friends--whether single, dating, engaged, or married--were invited with a guest.

This meant that our parents had to cut down their lists accordingly. We had a target number we wanted to reach, and our parents were understanding about the fact that our friends would come first, WITH guest.

I know that inviting people with guests is not always possible. Budget plays a major role.

However, how you TREAT your friends is really the key to ensuring that they won't be offended if they are not invited with a guest.

My "ex" friend didn't bother to tell me that TallGuy would not be invited--even though she intimated he would be after we re-arranged our trip for the wedding. And her lame attempt at excusing her actions, in an email no less, did nothing to ameliorate the situation.

The last straw? I never saw her at her wedding, which I decided to attend. She and her fiance never came by each table to say hello.

Pretty apalling.

I'll re-visit the PLUS ONE CONUNDRUM in another post - particularly as how it has related to my own wedding invitations.

Stay tuned!

REVIEW: SAY "YES" TO THE DRESS (TLC)

2008-01-06T13:48:00.000-08:00

Hi Everyone-

TallGuy and I had an opportunity to watch a marathon of episodes called "Say Yes to the Dress", a program on The Learning Channel (TLC).

Anyone seen this show? The series gives a "behind-the-scenes" view of Klenfeld's, the "superstore" of stores in Manhattan which carry upscale wedding gowns and related accessories. I think it came out a few months ago, but since I had an opportunity to watch so many of them, I thought it was time to make a comment.

Not only does TLC interview brides about what type of gown they are looking for, but it chronicles their experiences in the store -- AND provides the point-of-view and perspective of the salespeople at Klenfeld's who are working with that particular client.

What's interesting is that the show does more to make the STORE look bad than it does the BRIDES shopping in it.

Sure -- there were plenty of "entourages" and annoying wedding planners featured. I still don't understand how having 8 family/friends with a bride helps her make a decision. The wedding planner on the show basically took over the bride's appointment -- by the end of a marathon trying-on session, I don't think even the bride knew what she was looking for.

But "Say Yes to the Dress" is really a commentary on how big the bridal market really is -- and how important it is, particularly for this store, to "make the sale".

I certainly can understand that point of view. Stores like Klenfeld's, Saks, Bergdorf's, Mark Ingram, and others in Manhattan need to make sales in order to thrive.

What I picked up from the show, however, was the undertone of aggressiveness in terms of making sure a bride walked out buying something.

I went to Klenfeld's several months ago - and what was funny is that they were taping this show while I was in the store. I wasn't asked to be featured (thank goodness), but I still had a concern I'd be seen in the periphery looking at dresses on racks! (I wasn't - at least not that I saw!)

When I was at the store, I was shown several dresses, and the salesperson tried to convince me that one that I liked a lot (but not LOVED) was "the one" -- my mother and I were not at all sure, but we were encouraged to "go to lunch" and then come back and try it on again. We left and never went back.

I can't really explain it, but I really did feel that undertone of "buy buy buy" at the store which was sort of underlined on the show. People may think it's like that at every bridal salon, but I felt completely comfortable (and NOT pressured) at Bergdorf's -- which I had originally thought would give a lot of attitude if we didn't buy right off the bat. Instead, I went back twice to try on and think about the dress I loved -- and we ended up buying it -- without feeling an ounce of pressure -- or guilt about having to come back and think about it a few times.

I guess the bottom line of my "review" is that while it's important to focus on the behavior of brides, it's also important to see that there are intense pressures facing them--because this is such a huge market, with big $$$ attached.

Brides spend an upwards of thousands of dollars for this dream dress - to feel pressured outwardly or implicitly (if I were a bride watching the show, and THEN going to Kleinfeld's, I think I'd feel this way) - is unacceptable.

In the end, I'm sure "Say Yes to the Dress" will drum up big business for Kleinfeld's - but it raises a lot of interesting questions and issues for brides in search of "the dress" - at this store - and others.

Stay tuned!

GUESTBOOKS: USEFUL OR A WASTE OF SPACE?

2007-12-27T18:28:00.000-08:00

Thanks for the comments.

It's interesting to think about doing this at a lower cost, as Tara suggested -- I imagine there *MUST* be a way of pulling it off, without spending $6500 bucks to do it!!

I do agree with Linda, too, though, that this type of thing may be intimidating to people (or at least not in keeping with the traditional idea of a guest book)-- Not that I would be spending this much $$$$, but can you IMAGINE being the guest to drop the bowl? Can you imagine being the bride in that situation? Ugh. That's the one comment my mom made when I emailed her a link to the Steuben bowl, with the subject heading "If I had all the $$$ in the World" -- her reaction: "I'd be really afraid someone would drop it."

Either way, not sure I'll be going with a glass bowl - but it is something to keep in mind. I'm checking out martha stewart link too....she always has interesting and crafty ideas, so that is a great suggestion!

A WEDDING FAIRY QUESTION: GUEST BOOKS - USEFUL OR WASTE OF SPACE?

2007-12-25T18:22:00.000-08:00

IF I had all the money in the world, *THIS* would be my "guestbook":

Photo is courtesy of Stuben, the maker of this beautiful work of art.

I think this (for those of you who don't feel like going to the link, it's a glass bowl that guests can literally etch their signatures into) is an absolutely BEAUTIFUL signature piece, and such an interesting, unique way of handling the guest book situation.

I'm trying to figure out whether a guest book is necessary, useful or [insert any positive adjective here].

I understand the point of them, for sure -- but when I go to weddings, I NEVER really know what to WRITE. Getting too personal feels uncomfortable to me, but writing "Congratulations! We're so excited for you!" also feels--well--boring.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on the guest book concept -- I'm having an internal debate right now about the necessity of having one (given my experience as a guest with them -- and how whatever I end up writing never seems to be all that memorable), and if people have alternative ideas.

Just to clarify, however: I AM OBVIOUSLY NOT GETTING THE CRYSTAL ETCHABLE BOWL, as I am not part of Women Entertainment's "Platinum Wedding" show!!!

Stay tuned!

NOTHING TO DO WITH ETIQUETTE, BUT... (WE HAVE A WINNER!)

2007-12-22T20:42:00.000-08:00

Thanks, ladies, for all of your help with the shoes.

I am so impressed that Steve Madden has a make-your-own line - awesome!

Colorifics and Seychelles were also really good ideas. Really cute stuff!!!

I didn't mention what I was looking for (sorry) -- I didn't have the shoes (obviously) for my first fitting, so we estimated I would need a heel no higher than 3 inches. I figured between 2-3 inches was what I would go for -- but then I found these shoes...

I ended up finding a pair at Stuart Weitzman which I loved in the store (of course, the 6 1/2, my normal size, was too big on me -- and they didn't have the 6!) Sigh. Admittedly, I knew they were over my price range BUT I figured I'd throw caution to the wind--and try the size 6 from Zappos. They *say* on Stuart Weitzman they are 2 inches-- but they seem pretty low to me. Either way, I'm hoping they will work with my dress!!!

Just tried them on -- a *teeny* bit snug -- but I've already stretched them out a bit by wearing them with socks :) I figure they will give a little bit more once I break them in -- given that it's a low heel, I also figure it'll be more comfortable than what I otherwise would have gotten! I absolutely love them, so I'm hoping they work out.

Here they are! http://www.zappos.com/n/p/dp/30704635/c/933.html

Admittedly these were a bit over my price range, but they were exactly what I was looking for.

Thanks to all for your helpful advice!! :)

Stay tuned! Much more to come. Just spoke with my mom, and she reminded me that TallGuy and I need to go tux shopping for him soon. UGH.

NOTHING TO DO WITH ETIQUETTE, BUT...

2007-12-19T17:59:00.001-08:00

....why is it so dang hard to find wedding shoes?

I've already bought and returned two pairs that I ordered on-line (too big, then too small), and I've gone to every store in NYC imaginable that would carry them.

What gives?

I guess everyone's into non-matchy matchy wedding shoes these days.

But is it so hard to find a pair of pretty white ones for the girls who don't want metallic strappy sandals?

Geez.

Sorry for the vent, but I'm curious if others out there are experiencing the same thing.

Any thoughts?

SEATING SLIP-UPS (REDUX, TAKE TWO): Q + A TIME.

2007-12-08T15:12:00.001-08:00

Hi Everyone!

I thought I'd take some time to write a post while TallGuy is happily playing GuitarHero III on the Wii. I think this may have been the best holiday present I've ever gotten for him - AND it gives me time to do my girly wedding stuff without feeling guilty (not that he isn't totally happy with my doing it - but at least I feel like he's completely 100% occupied with something else!)

I received a comment/question from a reader, to which I wanted to respond (since I think these questions help many people out there tackle similar issues):

This is from Kirs10la (thanks for reading and the question, K!)

To mix things up a little bit, I'm going to answer Ks question IN CAPS AFTER EACH COMMENT/QUESTION, SO AS TO MAKE IT MORE CONVERSATIONAL. IF ANY OF YOU HAVE TROUBLE READING MY RESPONSES, LET ME KNOW (I WILL PUT THEM IN BOLD AS WELL TO MAKE IT CLEAR WHERE I AM RESPONDING.

"Let me start by saying... that I agree with your beefs on the slideshows and grand entraces/exits. Cheese balls with cheese on top.

[WEDDING FAIRY]: THANKS FOR BACKING ME UP ON THAT ONE. I THINK SLIDESHOWS AND GRAND ENTRANCES CAN BE DONE TASTEFULLY AND ELEGANTLY, FOR SURE, BUT THE MAJORITY OF THE ONES THAT I ENCOUNTER ARE ALWAYS SO OVER THE TOP. I WAS AT A WEDDING RECENTLY WHERE THE HAPPY COUPLE CAME INTO THE ROOM TO THE THEME SONG FROM ROCKY. I ALSO WAS AT A DIFFERENT WEDDING WHERE THE SLIDESHOW WAS LITERALLY 20 MINUTES LONG - I THINK BRIDES CAN DO WHAT THEY WANT, BUT ANYTHING THAT SEEMS EVEN REMOTELY OVER THE TOP, OR OVERDONE, SHOULD BE RE-THOUGHT.

But let me take on the Sweetheart table from the Bridesmaid/ Groomsmen point of view. My Fiance and I have been in many weddings in the 5 years we've dated. There is NOTHING we loath more about being wedding attendant than sitting at the head table. We want to sit with EACH OTHER. AND we don't want to be sitting with people we hardly know while the other sits at the head table for two hours during a 4 course meal.

[WEDDING FAIRY]: I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU ABOUT THE HEAD TABLE SCENARIO BEING AWKWARD WHEN ONE HALF OF THE COUPLE IS NOT IN THE WEDDING PARTY. THAT HAPPENED TO ME WHEN TALLGUY AND I WENT TO A DESTINATION WEDDING - TALLGUY SAT AT A TABLE WHERE HE LITERALLY KNEW NO ONE, BECAUSE I WAS IN THE WEDDING PARTY. IT WAS REALLY CRAZY.

For our wedding we are having a Sweetheart table because to fit a head table of 22 (maid & men, plus their husbands/wives/bfs/gfs, plus us) is too big to work in the room we have. We thought about doing "family" with us at the table but I have no immedaite family besides my parents (family full of only children... scary I know). And neither of us want to sit up there with our parents only (what could be more romantic than sitting with your parents?!). So we're doing a Sweatheart table by default. BUT we promise not be on platform or eat filet while everyone eats pasta, AND we promise to mix and mingle with everyone (we're both super social so I don't see it being a problem).

K, I DON'T SEE IT BEING A PROBLEM EITHER. MY CONCERN WITH SWEETHEART TABLES IS--AND ALWAYS HAS BEEN--HOW THEY ARE DONE (IT'S REALLY NOT THE ACTUAL INSTITUTION OF SWEETHEART TABLES ITSELF). IF THE TABLE IS DONE ELEGANTLY AND THE BRIDE/GROOM ARE INTERACTING WITH GUESTS, EATING THE SAME DISHES (!!) AND ON THE SAME LEVEL - LITERALLY :), THEN I THINK THIS MAKES SENSE AS AN OPTION.

IF SITTING WITH IMMEDIATE FAMILY IS NOT AN OPTION, THEN YOU ARE RIGHT THAT THIS SCENARIO MAY WORK THE BEST.

Do you think a sweetheart table is OK for us? Do you have any better ideas?

[WEDDING FAIRY]: IT SOUNDS AS IF YOU'VE REALLY THOUGHT ALL THE SEATING SCENARIOS AND ISSUES THROUGH. I DON'T THINK OF THIS AS A "BETTER" IDEA- BUT ANOTHER SUGGESTION COULD BE TO SPLIT UP YOUR WEDDING PARTY, AND YOU SIT WITH THE PEOPLE YOU FEEL CLOSEST WITH AT ONE TABLE, AND THEN HAVE TWO (OR HOWEVER MANY YOU NEED) OTHER TABLES OF THE GROOMSMEN/BRIDESMAIDS, ETC. THE LIKELIHOOD IS THAT YOU WILL BE GREETING GUESTS AT THE OTHER TABLES DURING DINNER, SO IT WON'T BE SUCH A BIG DEAL WHO YOU CHOOSE TO SIT WITH - AND IF ANYONE FEELS OFFENDED, THEN I THINK THAT'S SILLY AND UNCALLED FOR IN THE FIRST PLACE. IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU HAVE A LARGE WEDDING PARTY, SO PEOPLE SHOULD REALLY UNDERSTAND IF THEY ARE NOT SEATED WITH YOU OR AT A HEAD TABLE.

BOTTOM LINE: I THINK A SWEETHEART TABLE WORKS FOR YOUR SITUATION, AND YOU ARE BEING A GREAT, THOUGHTFUL BRIDE BY THINKING THROUGH THE ISSUES. IF YOU FEEL LIKE SPLITTING UP THE BRIDAL PARTY, AND SITTING WITH YOUR CLOSEST FRIENDS, I THINK THAT WORKS TOO. IF YOU ARE THE MOST COMFORTABLE WITH THE SWEETHEART TABLE, I SAY GO FOR IT!

TallGuy just glanced over at my computer and asked me who I was yelling at :)
Sorry for the ALL CAPS, but I thought it would be easier to answer the question this way.

I hope this answer helps people out there. I really enjoy reading about your own experiences - they really help me, too, try and figure out all this stuff as I plan.

By the way - I went to the Nutcracker ballet last night - so sweetheart tables were totally on my mind.

Stay tuned!

SEATING SLIP UPS REDUX: THOUGHTS FROM THE WEDDING FAIRY

2007-12-02T13:45:00.000-08:00

A few months ago, I received a comment from a reader, which I wanted to share here, as I re-visit the concept of table arrangements--in connection with my own experiences as I plan my wedding to TallGuy (May, 2008).

"I stumbled upon your blog after googling "sweetheart table" and was very happy to find someone else as puzzled about this as I was. It just seems self-absorbed and weird -- if a couple is putting together a reception and inviting guests, why don't they want to sit with them?!?

I love your blog. I find myself simultaneously fascinated and horrified by the proliferation of wedding planning. I really enjoy your posts and hope that you revisit some topics now that you're planning a wedding of your own and compare what it's like being the host rather than guest."

Thank you, Belda! In an attempt to connect my own experiences to what I've written about, I thought I'd start with the topic you addressed in your comment: Sweetheart tables, but more generally, table arrangements.

Seating arrangements are HARD! No question about it. TallGuy and I definitely do NOT consider the sweetheart table as an option. At every wedding I've been to with a sweetheart table, it's always felt so separated and isolating - I hadn't seen the bride at one wedding, and I went up to the table to congratulate her - I felt as if I were interrupting. To each his own - and I'm sure it does make it easier to have to "choose" who to sit with - but it's not for us. The concerns I raised in my prior posts are STILL concerns - being a guest vs. being a bride has not changed a thing.

TallGuy and I are most likely going to have round tables of 8 and 10 (I prefer tables of 8 - I'm trying to create the effect of a "dinner party", and 10 per table seems too impersonal to me).

TallGuy has 2 siblings, and I have 2 siblings. The idea is for us to sit at a table with them (and their significant others/husbands, etc.) - which would give us a table of 10 for the "head table", so to speak. We only will have 4 bridesmaids and groomsmen (8 total, 4 on each side)- and we really don't think the 2 bridesmaids and groomsmen who are not family members will be offended - we don't really see this as a "head table", given that our table will all be family members.

The question becomes, then - what to do with our flower girl/little groomsman? (6 and 8 respectively?) The little boy and girl are TallGuy's niece and nephew -- i.e. his sister's children. I adore them - but seating has become tricky, here.

Including them to have a table of 12 is not an option, as that circular table arrangement is WAY too large - and I would prefer not to seat them at the most prominently placed table in the room (in case they get antsy or overtired, for example, during speeches - placing kids at the center of attention is not the best idea, no matter how well behaved they are - and they are indeed very good kids).

The issue is that ideally, the children's mother will be at our table. There will not be a babysitter at the wedding reception. So how will it work if they are at a table NOT with their mother? Could we seat them with a close relative/family member? Is that inappropriate? A bad idea in terms of making sure they don't get too antsy, etc.?

I am having a lot of trouble figuring out where to seat them. This is a quandry that I will have to tackle in the next few weeks/months, which raises a whole host of issues I've discussed before - and table arrangements AND children combined is something that presents a new set of challenges!

Thoughts are welcomed - while I write about wedding issues, I never have professed myself to be an expert.

As you think about this issue (if you do want to comment), things to keep in mind: this is a black-tie, Saturday evening wedding in New York City. As I mentioned, there will not be a babysitter at the reception, but there will be one upstairs in the club, so they can leave when they want to get out for a while. There are no other kids invited. Finally, one other thing to keep in mind: we are doing the dinner first, THEN the dancing. We're treating the event like a dinner party - the band is awesome, so we know people will be up dancing all night, and don't like the breaks in between songs and dinner, etc.

In any case, I thought it would be interesting to re-visit seating arrangements, as I begin to think about my own experience with them.

Stay tuned!

I'M BAAAACK: WEDDING FAIRY AS GUESTZILLA? A COMMENT AND RESPONSE.

2007-12-01T17:06:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone!

So sorry that I have been down for the count the past few months. Between moving apartments, working long hours in corporate Manhattan life, and getting entrenched in wedding planning, I realize that I have been a very delinquent poster.

I just received an interesting comment, the tone of which, I suppose, could have been intended to upset me? Offend me? Rile me up? Who knows. Instead of being reactive, I decided to take from it that there is a WHOLE LOT of need for discussion about wedding planning, as people are coming from VERY different places.

Which makes me realize that posting--whether it gets people excited, thinking that they totally agree with me, annoyed, upset, or angry--also gets people talking. And thinking. And that's a cool thing.

Here's the post--not word for word, as I think you can get the tone--and point--from this bit (in response to one of my "seating slip ups" posts -- one of my more "controversial" topics):

"...you sound like a guestzilla. I was pretty shocked by your blog post, and hope to GOD that none of the friends I invite to my wedding would ever think the way you do.

Having been to many of my friends weddings, I can personally say that:
- Most of my friends have done the sweetheart table simply because they don't want to offend anyone in having to choose who to sit with.

- I personally LOVE watching my friends' slideshows and seeing cute pictures of what they look like growing up. It's their big day and I am there to celebrate them, and their relationship. If you are truly a friend who actually cares about those people, you would NOT think a slideshow is vein at all.. It's their DAY for goodness sakes...not yours

- I don't see anything wrong with a grand entrance.. it just makes the event as a whole a little more exciting... there is a reason why a wedding is different from any other party"

I'm not going to take this point-by-point, because I don't need to defend myself to anyone-if you absolutely cannot stand what you read, don't tune in-but I do want to note a few things:

I am proud (and not surprised) to say that as I plan my own wedding, my opinion regarding comments I've made before - about sweeetheart tables, about slideshows, etc. -- has not changed -- AT ALL. This is not to say that there is a "right" or "wrong" to any of this. But, having been to a myriad of weddings, I have come to understand that there are things that I wouldn't want to do - and it's an opinion shared by some of my friends who have attended these weddings as well. Does that mean I'm right? Not at all.

The goal of "Don't Be That Bride" has always been to provide a fresh perspective to brides-to-be, based on an outside, objective observer's standpoint.

Does it make me a bad friend because I think slideshows are boring? I would hope that wouldn't be the basis of judging a friendship. Is it posible for people to interpret sweetheart tables differently from this poster? Definitely!

There is never a black and a white. If people choose to call me a guestzilla, I don't take offense. What I DO have an issue with is people not understanding that there are two sides to every coin, and not everything is as it seems.

I encourage this poster--and anyone else who disagrees with any opinions I have--to keep reading, and to keep an open mind. You may not agree with me (and that's ok!), but I welcome constructive comments which can help people learn the complexities of wedding planning--and hopefully help others as they delve into the dirty details.

I think my next series of posts will be about how my wedding planning has been intersecting with some of the issues I've raised before.

Before I go, I wish to say thank you to those who are sticking with me.

Stay tuned!

CHAT FORUMS/MESSAGE BOARDS: TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING?: A CONCLUSION

2007-09-14T15:01:00.000-07:00

There are a LOT of new topics and themes that I want to get to, but I thought it was important to wrap up this conversation about message boards.

And what a subject it's been! I'm glad that you guys have voiced your opinions and observations. Everyone obviously has a different story to tell, and experiences to share, so it makes for a more fruitful discussion when I can hear others' recollections.

The bottom line, I think, when it comes to chat forums and message boards: USE THEM AT YOUR OWN RISK--BUT HAVE FUN WHILE YOU DO!!

Sometimes, like Dataceptionist noted, there can be bitchiness abounding on the boards. It's so unnecessary, and frankly, pretty crass for people to make themselves feel better about their own decisions at others' expense. Unfortunately, there will always be bad (and totally unconfident and lame) apples in the bunch. I guess it's something to keep in mind for those of us that are particularly sensitive to (unwarranted) criticism or off-handed remarks that are far from helpful. Of course, one should take everything said on this on-line, anonymous community with a little bit of cautiousness.

On the flip side, as Sarita noted, the boards can be great when people on-line are helpful and friendly, and can provide a fresh perspective.

The most important thing to take away from all of this? No matter WHO says WHAT (whether on-line or in person), your choices are your choices---and as long as you and your fiance are happy with them, then that is all that matters!

Stay tuned!

CHAT FORUMS/MESSAGE BOARDS: TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING? PART II

2007-09-02T12:02:00.000-07:00

I've been hitting up the boards the past few weeks in order to get a sense of what general themes/concepts I could glean from my on-line surfing.

What I found surprising is the polar opposite issue which I discussed in my last post: I've found the "oh my god I love/adore your wedding dress/bridesmaid dress/ceremony decor/wedding theme, etc. etc. etc." statements run rampant on the boards. So my question is: how do you know when a poster is being honest?

And honestly, should you even care?

In a sense, I guess some brides are trying to get opinions and honest feedback from hopefully impartial observers. Makes sense, I guess. But is this really the place to get honest feedback?

One can argue that people are shielded by their anonymous screen names, and people will speak freely. Sometimes, as Megan indicated in her comment, TOO freely (Megan, I think that is so crass from the poster who made that comment to you - amazingly classless).

However, for people who use these boards frequently, posters seem to "get to know" others in the same thread. There's a constant back-and-forth, and it seems that many of these women become on-line friends--which sometimes translates into "meet and greets" for those constant communicators -- whether it be at a neighborhood bar, or at someone's home (I'll get to that in my next post). With that kind of constant communication, I imagine it must be hard to do anything but be overly encouraging.

I think that the "ooohs" and the "aahhhhs" on these boards are frankly, a little bit tiresome. While I think it's great for brides to get honest feedback (in a classy manner), it seems like the boards have become more of a "pat on the back" type of forum than a place to get real advice.

Maybe it's an unfair assessment, but I found that dose of sugary sweet commentary to be a bit tedius.

There HAS to be a happy medium between obnoxious, in-your-face honesty posts and overly congratulatory ones.

If you find that somewhere, please let me know!

Stay tuned!

CHAT FORUMS/MESSAGE BOARDS- TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING?: PART I

2007-08-16T19:11:00.000-07:00

For a while now, I've been lurking on chat/message boards for brides-to-be (there are SO MANY out there, it's pretty insane). From The Knot to The Wedding Channel to LI Bride, thousands of brides are logging in and imparting wisdom and relaying their personal experiences with the planning process.

I've sort of burned out on these sites, though, as the endless chatter has become, well, overwhelming.

I also noticed something which bothered me -- people were very busy giving their opinions, but not realizing (or caring) that these thoughts might hurt other people's feelings with respect to the decisions THEY made.

One site in particular was quite interesting, as they have chat boards for specific brides-to-be in NY. As I excitedly did a search for the name of my ceremony/reception site in past "threads" (See? I have the lingo down too), I happened upon one comment that irked me.

The room in which I am having my ceremony and reception is a gorgeous, turn of the century old-world room, with floor to ceiling windows, a lace/lattice-like ceiling (hard to describe unless you see the architecture), wood floors, and beautiful columns. The room is classic and elegant, without being showy, and I adore it. Most people choose a different room in this particular location, called "the ballroom" -- to me, it's claustrophobic, generic, and boring. I specifically went with a room that suited me (which fewer people use), and I am really excited about it.

One feature of the room is that it has presidential portraits on the walls throughout the room. Not many, but a good few.

One of the commenters noted that those portraits seemed "creepy" to her. I read on another thread that someone else found the entire place "stuffy".

I'm not sure why these comments bothered me - I mean, everyone IS entitled to her own opinion!

I guess that, in reading the threads and participating in some of the chats, I felt as if my own choices were being questioned. If a chat board is more critical than helpful, what good is it?

Most of the time you see "ohhhhhs" and "ahhhhhs" and "that dress is so amazing" and "your hair looks fabulous in that style" and other positive comments.

I think commenters should realize that honesty is great, but tact is terrific too. People reading and participating in posts have made decisions that others may not have made. And that's cool. But the point of these sites is to HELP rather than MAKE OTHERS FEEL BAD.

My twinge of annoyance lasted about 15 seconds after I realized how kick-ass my wedding location is.

Just thought this was an interesting topic, since so many brides-to-be seem to be logging on.

Stay tuned!

PS-Some of you may wonder "Aren't you a hypocrite The Wedding Fairy, saying you don't like a particular wedding site, after saying how it made you feel to hear that about yours?" Good point. However, in the interest of remaining completely anonymous, I have not revealed any specifics about wedding locations, plans, etc. So unless someone is a really good detective, I don't think anyone knows where I am talking about!

Q+A WITH THE WEDDING FAIRY

2007-08-11T20:42:00.000-07:00

I received a REALLY interesting question the other day, and I hope the reader doesn't mind my answering it on this post so that others can see my response.

The commenter ALSO noted that I didn't have a "contact the wedding fairy" link -- good catch! I actually used to have that link up on my site, and I seriously don't know what happened to it. I will have TallGuy look into this for me (my tech expert), and fix that immediately.

Here's the question, which I've shortened a little bit for purposes of this post:

"So, my future sister-in-law has asked both my sister and I to be bridesmaids... My fiance is also a groomsman....

She sent out an e-mail recently, suggesting that she would like to have a choreographed wedding dance with the wedding party, using some song ...like "Thriller" by Michael Jackson". While this idea has been the starting point for some hysterical conversations with friends and family, I cannot really see myself participating in something so ridiculous. I think it will make the wedding memorable, but perhaps not in the way the bride intends. The bride claims that she will "make the groomsmen participate," but the only way my fiancee will do it is if she holds a gun on him.

I called my brother (the groom) to find out his take on this wacky idea, and he said "I just want to make people happy" which translates to English as "I do not want to have that fight with my future wife". So we are on our own to either humiliate ourselves, or to speak out.

How does one tactfully tell one's future sister-in-law that this is a terrible idea, and we...are soooo not up for it? We don't want to hurt her feelings, but we are really not excited about humiliating ourselves at their wedding."

WOW. Let me first just say that I think this is the most interesting question/quandry I have seen since I've started this blog.

For some reason, choreographed dances are apparently becoming a big thing, and kind of a trend at weddings. I'm not talking about the "first dance" simple choreography a bride/groom learns in a few weeks of dance lessons, so they look somewhat graceful while dancing to "At Last" or [Insert song of choice here].

I'm talking about hard-core choreography, where brides, grooms, and other members of the wedding party do what I'll call "numbers" or "performances" -- to songs like "Thriller" or the like.

I don't know where this started, or who thought this was a good idea, but I'm pretty opposed to this idea.

When I think of a wedding, the one goal I think brides try to achieve is a sense of elegance. Doing this type of performance makes a wedding into less of a celebration and more into a spectacle.

In terms of how to tactfully decline participation, I think honesty is the best approach -- and really should come from the groom (ie the brother of the commenter, in this case). Tell your brother that you are VERY uncomfortable/opposed to the idea, as is your sister and the other bridesmaids. Let him know that this type of activity ISN'T going to make people happy. I really do think having the fiance speak with the bride-to-be directly is the best approach. Out of everyone, she'll probably listen to him -- if it comes from bridesmaids, it may be taken more as catty, since girls can be sensitive when other girls say anything that isn't in keeping with their vision.

If this first approach fails (and your brother is not willing to speak with the bride), then I would suggest having one of the bridesmaids -- who is closest to the bride -- explain that several people are not comfortable with the idea and are rather shy, not wanting to be in the spotlight, etc.

MAKE THE RELUCTANCE ABOUT HOW THIS TYPE OF SCENARIO DOES NOT MESH WITH THE PERSONALITIES OF THE PARTICIPANTS (even if that's not 100% truthful) RATHER than because the idea is "stupid" or "embarassing".

If the bride feels as if she's being attacked, she's likely to get defensive but not change her mind.

If that fails, then be prepared to get involved - even if it means putting a forced smile on your face. Just make sure to stand in the back of the group and grin and bear it as best as you can.

Good luck, and keep me posted!!!!

Stay tuned!

ENTOURAGE: NOT JUST A TV SHOW ANYMORE (CONCLUSION)

2007-08-06T10:01:00.001-07:00

Choosing one's wedding dress, as I've said before, is a BIG freaking deal. You're spending hundreds, and possibly thousands of dollars on a gown, and there are an endless variety of designers and styles from which to choose.

Mermaid or A-Line? Ballgown or Sheath? Hell, I was even ruminating over a beautiful, beautiful dress that HAD A HOOP SKIRT. It sounds crazy, but as I've seen in this business, ANYTHING GOES.

I also found, during the trying-on process, that I entered the experience with an ideal dress in my head (or at least ideal styles), and ended up with something completely different. The truth of the matter is, you never know what's going to look good until you try things on. Which means trying on things that you completely thought you'd hate, or wouldn't look good on you.

To put everything in a nutshell, it's NOT an easy process for many. Some are lucky enough to find "the dress" on the first day (like my sister did), and others are not (after going to an endless array of stores, I was confused and discouraged).

Having a great support system is a wonderful thing. For me, my mother was that person, and my sister helped solidify what we had originally thought about the dress I wanted to buy (and my sister is brutally honest, so if she didn't like it, she would have told me so--albeit tactfully).

The point of the matter is asking "how many is too many"? If you think 12 people is really what you need in order to get honest feedback, and those 12 are super important to you, that's your prerogative. However, one ought to keep in mind that you may not be the only one at the store, and it's not fair for others shopping to have to work around a large party of people, as well as LISTEN to an an endless array of OHHHS and AHHHHS.

On a more selfish note, I am VERY possessive about who has gotten to see my dress before the wedding. Only my immediate family members have seen the dress (or a picture of the dress), as well as one friend whose wedding is on the same day (so I know she won't be coming, unfortunately). If I brought 12 people to look for my dress, that's 12 fewer people who will feel that element of surprise the minute I walk down the aisle. Not to be "that bride", but I DO want to create a reaction when people see me for the first time - after all, why else are we spending so much money on something we'll wear once?

In sum, an "entourage" is something I think is unnecessary and, as one commenter aptly noted, unhelpful in the dress-selection process. And, an entourage can be disturbing to others who are shopping. If a large group is what a bride needs, then that's cool, too....as long as that group doesn't steal the spotlight from the others trying to find their dream dress as well AND that group actually HELPS, rather than HINDERS, a bride in finding "the one".

Stay tuned!

ENTOURAGE: NOT JUST A TV SHOW ANYMORE (PART II)

2007-08-03T09:42:00.001-07:00

I received a very intelligent question, which prompted me to expand upon the concept of the "Entourage", in an effort to clarify my original post. I hope this reader doesn't mind that I repeat part of her question in this post, but I think the question is a good one:

" How many is it before its classed as an entourage? I had my mum, my best friend, sister and cousin. And none of them were expendable, they were the closest people in the world to me and I wanted their opinions. We were not screeching at each other however, nor crowding the mirrors. I don't think the shops in Oz are set out like the ones over there, they are either tiny shops (you're the only appointment in there) or they're quite large, and you get your own little area with chairs and such...."

Dataceptionist, I think your bridal shopping party sounds like it was lovely. In your case, it sounds like 4 was a perfect number, as they were people you loved and trusted (and wouldn't simply give you "ooohhhs" and "aahhhhs" -- of course, they would where appropriate, but they would ALSO tell you the truth if they DIDN'T like a dress), AND they were polite and, well, BEHAVING THEMSELVES! From your description, there is NO WAY that the entourage concept fits in with your group.

There's no hard and fast rule or formula in my mind as to the "right" and "wrong" number of people to invite to help a bride search for "the dress". We all know the phrase "size matters". In the case of an entourage, it's really the COMBINATION of a large size PLUS the HUGE ATTITUDES of the parties who comprise the group.

If a group of 10 walks in, are completely non-pushy and calm, don't horde mirrors and crowd out other brides shopping in the bridal stores, then that 10, in my opinion, is more of a benign group rather than an "ENTOURAGE". I don't have a problem with a large party in and of itself -- it's when the.....

.... group of 10 walks in and BEGINS TO TAKE OVER THE JOINT? THAT'S what really pushes my buttons.

A group of 4? 6? While it's my personal preference not to take more than 2 people along (which is how I did it, and it worked for me), it's not so much the group size as the combination of size and attitude which ends up being the problem.

Dataceptionist, you also talked about how dress stores in Australia sounded different than those in the US. The type of store definitely plays a factor in how well big groups work. In the US, at least the stores I've visited in New York, there are often other brides around trying on dresses, in not such a large space. There were some stores that were very small and really only could have one bride there at a time. The experience really depended on the type of store, as well as the number of people in it at once time.

I hope this helps clarify my previous post. SIZE MATTERS..... WHEN YOU HAVE PUSHY, UNATTRACTIVE PERSONALITIES IN THE PARTY.

Stay tuned!

ENTOURAGE: NOT JUST A TV SHOW ANYMORE....

2007-08-02T12:44:00.001-07:00

TallGuy always has been a big fan of the HBO hit, "Entourage". Although actor Adrien Grenier is definitely easy on the eyes, I was somewhat hesitant to start watching. The whole concept, which the title of the show inspired, seemed, well, annoying to me. Watching an up-and-coming actor and his hanger-oners search out L.A. for hot cars and girls wasn't my idea of fun. TallGuy persisted in getting me to at least try the show. I actually found it surprisingly funny and endearing -- while the materialism and ridiculousness certainly plays out in the background, the main characters are likeable, particularly Vince due to his innocence and wide-eyed "who me?" expressions. I'm glad TallGuy got me to watch, but I still shudder at the word "entourage" for different reasons.....

Webster's dictionary defines an "entourage" as "one's attendants or associates."

Normally, we think of an entourage as a group flanking someone like J. Lo, Madonna, or even the loveable Vince Chase.

I never thought I'd be using that term during my dress-shopping. There were WAY too many attendants/associates running around, which I found to be an interesting observation of the wedding planning process.

As I mentioned on a previous post, I found my dress. It's wonderful (at least I think so, which is the important thing!). And I didn't want to take it off the two or three times I tried it on. I felt it was so very Audrey Hepburn. It was so me.

The process of finding a dress, however, was not as seamless as the stitches are going to be on this dress post-alterations.

I was not one of the lucky ones to find "the dress" at the first store. Unfortunately, I explored bridal departments at several department stores, as well as some of the famous Manhattan boutiques, large and small, which carried an endless array of designer dresses.

My mother was the trusted confidante I took with me on each trip. My mother is the best, as she's honest and won't mince words. There were times I tried something on and I received the following comments: "Hmmm I'm not sure, the color is a little dark -- almost too off-white." (She was right, although I grudingly admitted it). "You look like one of the Sugar Plum Fairies in the Nutcracker with all that tulle." (Definitely dead on).

As we went from store to store, I noticed that my shopping party (my mom and me) was SO much smaller than those for many of the other girls looking. There were parties of seven, eight....even twelve!!! I suppose these were best friends, cousins, mothers, aunts..... which was a little surprising to me. With that many people, how is someone EVER going to get a collective, honest opinion? "Oh it looks SO AMAZING" is not what I need to hear - when it just looks OK. Or even pretty enough to wear, but not "THE ONE". That happened to me - and if I brought 5 of my best friends, my sister, my mom and my closest cousin, I'm not sure anyone would have had the guts to tell me so.

So many of these girls, women, what have you, had an ENTOURAGE! To pick out their wedding dress! It was a crazy concept to me.

Not only does it not make sense to have a gaggle of people scrutinizing the bride-to-be, I have to say that it's pretty intrusive to the other people trying on dresses--particularly in smaller stores.

I thought it was really disconcerting to come out of the dressing room and walk into the hallway of one large store, where there were ten people next to me OOOHHHING and AHHHHING over a girl in the three way mirrror. Because they were all crowded around her (and the mirror), I couldn't get a good look at the dress I was trying on. (Unfortunately the three ways were few and far between at this particular store).

While some brides-to-be can bring a large group of people to a bridal store and not cause a ruckus, I found that most really did take away from the collective experience (I wasn't the only bride who seemed to be both bewildered and perturbed).

People forget that these bridal stores are SMALL, for the most part. Too many people IN them is disturbing and distracting. It's hard enough to shell out several hundred/thousand dollars (depending on your budget) for "the dress" that you will wear ONCE. It's even harder when you cannot concentrate over the din of a crowd of strangers.

A common-sense reason not to have all of these people shop with you? Don't you want to have an element of mystery/surprise for your wedding day? I've DESCRIBED my dress to people, but the only individuals who've gotten to see it are my mom and sister (who came back to check it out before I bought it).

In the end, I bought a dress that I love, and that I am so happy with. I just wish there were a little more peace and quiet during the process. My advice to brides-to-be, in order to make the process a happier one for these women (as well as those shopping in the same store with them?): avoid the entourage. For an honest opinion, and a more peaceful experience, it's best to just have one or two trusted "associates" with you.

Stay tuned!

THE WEDDING FAIRY DOESN'T SUCK: SHE PROMISES!

2007-08-01T17:41:00.000-07:00

Hi there.

It has been WAY too long since I've written a post, and to my faithful readers, let me say this: I APOLOGIZE.

The whole point of my blog has been to pinpoint behavior of brides-to-be that are, well, unflattering. One of the mainstays of my posts has been the concept of the newly-affianced disappearing into an oblivion, leaving friends and family behind, in the search for the "perfect dress", the "perfect china," the "perfect florist." How to avoid espousing the "It's My Day" concept of weddings is my attempt to impart humorous education to readers.

Now, the origin for the title of my post: Danika McKellar (of The Wonder Years" fame), who is a successful mathmetician, just wrote a book entitled "Math Doesn't Suck" (and seriously, props to her, for being super smart and successful, having endured fame and celebrity without it going to her head). This title inspired me (Only because it's catchy - not for any deeper reason, really) to write a post entitled "The Wedding Fairy Doesn't Suck" -- IE my disappearing ISN'T the result of becoming "that bride" -- and foregoing all of the things that are important to me (friends, family, my blog).

I don't have a great explanation as to why I haven't written more frequently -- maybe it's work, which has been REALLY tough, maybe it's trying to juggle a social life with my life with TallGuy, or maybe it's the result of being TOO inundated with wedding crap -- after all, this is a ridiculously big industry. After wedding dress shopping at places where the vendors appeared bored to be helping me, and seeing girl after girl enter these stores with a huge entourage of women, I think I just got burned out.

But I'm back. And it's gratifying to know that there are older readers and newbies to this site -- someone just asked if they can ask questions here.

YES PLEASE ASK QUESTIONS!!! I WELCOME THAT. AS WELL AS COMMENTARY, RESPONSES, AND RECOLLECTIONS.

I'm here to help. And with a newfound sense of urgency. Going through the process of wedding-planning right now, I've already seen, in the past few months, outrageous behavior (THAT'S MINE, cried the girl at the Reem Acra sample sale, as if I'm about to steal it out of her hands. What the hell?). I assume any reader reading this blog knows better. However, there are so many nuances to this wedding planning game, I think it helps to have a third party arbiter. No?

In any case, thanks for coming by - and sticking with me. The Wedding Fairy Doesn't Suck. And she promises to write more faithfully, and more frequently, particularly using her own experience to hopefully level the playing field (and ensure there as many thoughtful brides out there--and hopefully many many more-- as there are thoughtless ones.

Stay tuned!

SEATING SLIP-UPS REVISITED: Q+A WITH THE WEDDING FAIRY

2007-06-16T12:57:00.000-07:00

I received a very interesting question, which I wanted to devote to an entire post, since it's an important issue regarding to seating arrangements:

"In my culture, it is traditional for the Bride and Groom to be seated together on a couch/throne thoughout the reception. People come up and greet them and take pictures.....the B&G don't even eat! We are planning to do something like this for our wedding here in the US. It will be in the context of a "cultural" wedding with both Indian and American guests...are we being rude to our American guests??"

This comment was in response to my "Seating Slip-Ups" line of posts, I believe most directly related to the "Nutcracker Effect" discussion. As some of you may remember, the Nutcracker Effect was when, with the use of a sweetheart table, the bride and groom inadvertently make it seem as if the bride/groom are above their guests-both literally and figuratively.

I wanted to respond to this question, because it raises a very interesting and important element to the discussion -- ie a cultural component.

I would say this to this reader, as well as others in a similar position: I do NOT think that, in celebrating the traditions of your culture, that you are doing anything rude by sitting as bride/groom together on a couch/throne during the reception. Most likely, and first of all, many of your guests will understand and recognize that this IS a cultural tradition, and second of all, this tradition encourages your guests to interact with you, and vice versa--which will create a sense of unity, rather than separation.

The concern I have about this seating arrangement only is when the arrangement stems from rude bridal behavior--and the idea of isolation (ie a bride/groom creating an effect of being on a different level than the guests). This type of tradition in your culture seems both inclusive and a wonderful way of allowing mingling with your guests -- it's basically the opposite of your going around the room with your husband to greet people.

In short, I think this cultural tradition is great--definitely don't feel uncomfortable to celebrate your culture in this manner. It sounds as if you are a very gracious bride--and one who thinks about the feelings of your friends and family--therefore you will have NOTHING to worry about, because your graciousness will shine through on the big day!

Stay tuned!

SAMPLE SALES: BRINGING OUT THE BITCHY (A RUMINATION BY THE WEDDING FAIRY)

2007-05-01T18:06:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the delay, guys - Between moving apartments (this past weekend) and crazy work hours, I haven't been around as much.

However, I thought of all of you this past weekend as I attended my first Wedding Dress Sample Sale.

I haven't really delved into the wedding dress search yet--I figure with a year and a couple of months to go, I'm doing just fine with having firmed up the location of the wedding, the photographer, and the band. I did, however, go to Saks a few weekends ago with my mom, and found the most gorgeous Reem Acra dress, which of course, is way too expensive and out of my price range. With an empire waist and beautiful tulle/beading overlay, the strapless gown is absolutely amazing, and exactly fitting with my "Pride and Prejudice" 19th century english romantic theme -- I, who is so anti-beading, was shocked when I put it on (I figured it would look like an ice skating dress).

As Reem Acra was having a Sample Sale the following week, I figured I'd check it out with my mom--in the hopes they'd have "my dress" there--for much less than Saks did.

For those of you who aren't familiar with a Sample Sale, these sales (when related to wedding dresses) are held by designers who are selling their dresses (usually samples, or overstock items) for up to 60-70% of the original price. Sometimes, the dresses are available because, well, um, no one else wanted them (for a reason) - though sometimes you find can find needles--or even gems-- within the haystack.

On Sunday, I experienced rudeness and a level of self-involvement that I had almost forgotten about when it came to weddings/brides.

As the rooms with the dresses were VERY tiny, we all had to wait in line in order to get into the actual sale. Having waited in line for about half an hour, my mom and I were psyched to finally get upstairs. When we entered the miniscule "Size 4" room (as each room was by size), there was a girl trying on a huge, poufy dress in the middle of the room-thereby blocking the perimeter of the room, where the other dresses were located on racks. BG (I'm going to call this girl Bitchy Girl, or BG) was with an entourage of people, who ooohhhhed and ahhhhed over here, and she twirled in this horrendous poufy number. As my mother and I tried to gingerly step around her without stepping on the dress (which, believe it or not, was taking up the ENTIRE small room), BG, out of NOWHERE, says to my mother and I (in a very snide voice): "By the way -- these [pointing to 2-3 dresses on the rack] are MINE."

Say what? I wanted to ask her if she had planned on BUYING all of the dresses she claimed were HERS, and I also wanted to ask her (sarcastically) if she minded if my mother and I could look at the stock of dresses at all - or was she planning on claiming all of them as "first dibs." What I REALLY wish I could have said? "Don't worry - those dresses are so ugly, I wouldn't want to try them on anyway."

Instead, my mother and I look around carefully, and then decide there wasn't anything worth trying on. Unfortunately, they didn't have my gorgeous dress, but it was worth going.

Not wanting to stoop to BG's level, I decided not to fight fire with fire. What's the point? What I realize is that there are SO MANY people out there like this -- the ME ME ME mentality -- and it's appalling. Getting into the dress BG was trying on was no small feat I'm sure (given how large it was) -- for her to claim 2-3 other dresses as "hers" was obnoxious and unnecessary. And having her entourage take up so much space was equally insane and insensitive to the other people trying to look.

What I take away from it though, is this: I'm happy to say that as the Wedding Fairy, I have not (at least in my opinion) become "that bride" (so far), and that I do take into account people's feeings--even other brides. That, and I should wear padding to the next Sample Sale.

Stay tuned!

Q + A WITH THE WEDDING FAIRY: REVISITED

2007-04-22T15:07:00.000-07:00

I received a question a few weeks ago, which I was remiss in responding to -- until now. I'm curious to know what the reader decided to do here (so sorry that I didn't have a chance to answer this until now!)... Even though the reader may not benefit from my response, I think it's an interesting issue that is worth attention -- in case this ever happens to other readers out there!

"I am basically going to a shot gun wedding this weekend. We ( my husband and I) were told about the wedding 2 weeks ago. We were informed that this was a casual event in which the groom won't even be dressing up. The bride is 6 months pregnant with her 3rd child and the grooms second child. The wedding is taking place at her fathers home where her father will be performing the union only close friends and family are coming and after the ceremony we are all going out to dinner in which we are paying for ourselves ( which is perfectly fine). My issue is that the bride says this isn't her real wedding that they are just getting married before the baby comes and later on they are going to have a real wedding. So with they quick union that was arranged in 2 weeks and the date and time was messaged to me by AOL instant message, and not by a mailed invitation ( that is how casual it is), is it appropriate for the bride to send out another instant message 3 days before her union that she is registered at the most expensive places that you can register at? I mean am I out of line to think that she should hold off on the registry stuff for her real wedding?..."

Interesting. Whether a wedding is casual or otherwise, it's always good taste to send a gift in advance, or bring one to the actual event. HOWEVER, it's ALSO good taste for a bride to be SUBTLE about where she and her fiance are registered (which is why, as strange it might seem, something like The Wedding Channel is great for brides-to-be -- it's a very common website which people know about, and a bride will not have to "spread the word", which I believe is very tacky).

In this situation, there's the added issue of when this girl's wedding will actually be held. Is the first ceremony/dinner considered a "wedding", but then the second event the "real wedding?"

Truthfully, I don't have the answer. HOWEVER, I think it's absolutely fair to NOT buy a large gift initially, particularly since the friend here is saying she'll be having a more formal wedding later on. How about a small, but meaningful gift for the more informal affair? This way, you've given something initially--and you won't be going to the event empty-handed. Then, if she does have a second event later on, you needn't feel compelled to get something off of the expensive registry.

I oftentimes will get friends presents from stores that I absolutely adore--even if they aren't registered at that particular place. Mackenzie Childs, for example, is a store with really interesting, unique home ware -- if I really like something at that store, I'll certainly get gifts there for my engaged friends. I don't see ANYTHING wrong with straying from one's registry. In this case, you can definitely do that, particularly given the circumstances of this wedding.

Anyway, thanks for the questions. Keep them coming! I promise to be a little more responsive/quick in turnaround time. Between work, Jury Duty, moving apartments, and planning a wedding, things have been a little hectic, to say the least!

Stay tuned!

WHAT SEX AND THE CITY TAUGHT ME ABOUT WEDDINGS (PART II)

2007-03-25T17:42:00.000-07:00

In an effort to get back to my Sex and the City (SATC) series, I thought I'd begin with a very basic question: When is saying "I DO" a DON'T?

It's interesting to look at the storyline focusing on Carrie and Aidan. Aidan (particularly the "new and improved" -- i.e. clean shaven, buff, Aidan, when Carrie gets back together with him) is adorable. Attentive. Basically, in a nutshell? A teddy bear. And COMPLETELY and UTTERLY into Carrie.

Yet, for some reason, Carrie couldn't fully commit--even when she was fully committed. As a viewer, it made me angry when she began wearing her engagement ring on her necklace. Mr. Big was always somewhere in Carrie's consciousness. She always seemed to want what she couldn't have -- and Mr. Big was the epitome of that idea.

It may not have made sense to viewers (or even to me) why Carrie couldn't give herself completely to Aidan, but I guess it made sense to her. While it wasn't as if she stopped wearing her ring completely, shifting it to her necklace was a way for Carrie to distance herself from the commitment she had just made. Obviously, that was symbolic of her hidden unhappiness. While I'm sure there are women out there who wear rings differently (or not at all) - and are happily engaged - this behavior was indicative of Carrie's hesitance. I loved those particular episodes of SATC because they were very telling about the state of Carrie/Aidan's relationship - and the concept that everything being perfect on paper may not be perfect in real life. I always hope that women getting married do so for the right reasons -- unfortunately, that doesn't always happen, but here's hoping, right?

As for me, I can't stop looking at my ring. It's on my finger (not necklace!), and when I put it on my nightstand before falling asleep, I always make sure it's there before I doze off (I've even woken up in the middle of the night, in a cold sweat, because I forgot I took it off, and was worried I had misplaced it!). I adore it because TallGuy did a wonderful job choosing it, and I absolutely love the ring itself but even more so, I love what it represents. I'm excited for what the future holds, and I'm excited to share it all with you guys!

Stay tuned for more SATC thoughts (next up: the contrast of Charlotte's "perfect" wedding (with Trey), and her "perfectly real" wedding (with Harry)...

WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM.... THE WEDDING FAIRY GETS ENGAGED (PART III)

2007-03-20T19:14:00.000-07:00

OK, I REALLY need to get back to my Sex and the City wedding post! (First off on that one, just as a little teaser -- what was UP with Carrie wearing Aidan's wedding ring on her necklace? That's one hint that perhaps the concept of commitment is NOT for her!)

Before I do that, though, I'd like to thank everyone for all of the wonderful advice. I'm taking Megan's to heart, especially, as I go through the process of finding a place to have the ceremony/reception. (IE Make a choice, and MOVE ON!)

I've realize that choosing a location is much like looking at colleges -- you kind of know what you want, but there are SO MANY OPTIONS, and everything is SO DAMN EXPENSIVE.

I also realize I'm not exactly helping myself $$ wise by having the wedding in New York City, but that's one thing I really don't want to forego -- I've always envisioned a city wedding, but that also means dropping the idea of having my wedding at the Ritz Carlton, or The Mandarin Oriental. Not going to happen--and that's ok. My dream wedding was at a museum in NYC on museum row--which happens to have been Andrew Carnegie's old mansion. With the $10,000 site fee (on TOP of the $/pp) -- I had to forget that one pretty quickly.

What I realize though: I'll find my way, eventually -- it's EXHAUSTING! I've been to about a dozen places, and I'm pretty sure where I'll end up.... I just want to get that decision over with already--and as Megan said, MOVE ON (without second guessing). One thing I am keeping in mind - not LOSING my mind - just not worth it.

Once I figure it all out, I'll definitely share with you all.... thanks for all the invaluable advice....I really need it!

Stay tuned (I PROMISE for a "regularly scheduled program")!

WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM.... THE WEDDING FAIRY GETS ENGAGED (PART II)

2007-03-12T17:47:00.000-07:00

Thanks, ladies! I appreciate the well wishes. I'm super excited, and I couldn't be happier. It was a HUGE surprise to me (though my friends wondered how I had NO idea after 2 and a half years of dating!), which made it that much sweeter.

In terms of planning, I haven't done much, except flipped through my tons of bridal magazines (YES, I DID buy those mags pre-engagement - but I claim it was only with respect to wedding research for the blog!), called a bunch of potential locations, and went to Michael C. Fina for CHINA/FLATWARE/GLASSWARE 101 with my mother (I figure I'll take TallGuy once I get the lay of the land as to what I'm looking for). So far, nothing has clicked in terms of the ceremony/reception site -- I'm getting antsy about it, but I'm trying not to get too concerned (yet) :)

I'm beginning to experience--and fast--that there's a lot to do, ladies! I feel like once I find the place, I'll feel a lot better (or at least less like a chicken running around with her head cut off).

As I mentioned I'm looking to do the ceremony and reception in NYC (both at the same place). I'd LOVE to find somewhere with an outdoor space, or a great view, but it's not a necessity. Something "quintissential NYC" is really what I'm after (something historic, or NYC having its roots in the specific site). I LOVE the idea of the wedding feeling more like a dinner-party, and an intimate affair. We're looking to have between 120-150 people.

Before I get back to posting about the different topics/themes that have been part of my blog since the beginning, I wanted to thank you all again for your comments. I'm sure you all have fabulous advice having gone through the process---or still going through it now---so feel free to pass along any tidbits or pearls of wisdom. I certainly need them!!!!

Stay tuned!

WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM.... THE WEDDING FAIRY GETS ENGAGED

2007-03-11T09:50:00.000-07:00
Hi everyone!

I am very sorry for the mini-hiatus. Work has been crazy crazy crazy, and things have been pretty hectic (though, in a good way).

TallGuy proposed two weekends ago, and I am so thrilled. We are looking to have a wedding in Manhattan in Spring 2008--that's about as far as I've gotten with any ideas! I am happy to share details if anyone wants to hear them, but the point of my blog is--and always has been--about how to help others. As I plan, I am sure there will be interesting elements to share--and problems/issues that I will come across--for which I will need your advice and feedback. As I get started, I want to emphasize that I very much intend to keep up my blog (the whole point of one of my series is not to disappear BECAUSE of your wedding -- wouldn't that be ironic if The Wedding Fairy did that as soon as she started her own planning?!) It's very important to me to TAKE MY OWN ADVICE, and not become "that bride" that I often speak about. Dishing it out is one thing. Being able to DO AS I SAY? That will be the goal!!!

I appreciate your staying with me, and I look forward to sharing my experiences with you. I hope that these experiences will help me--as well as my readers--in terms of how to gracefully handle complicated issues that arise during this exciting time.

Stay tuned!

WHAT SEX AND THE CITY HAS TAUGHT ME ABOUT WEDDINGS: AN INTRODUCTION

2007-02-20T15:03:00.000-08:00
I don't know about you guys, but I have a longing on Sunday evenings. There's a small--but present--vacancy in my weekends, which has resulted from my lack of Sex and the City (SATC) fix. While shows like "Dexter" have filled the void, I still miss the frivolous fashion and the fun story lines that SATC provided.

Wedding Fairy, you say -- it's been several years now -- get over it!!

Or, you may say: Wedding Fairy, can't you satisfy yourself with the TBS re-runs, or DVDs you can buy at Border's?

Fair enough, would be my reply.

But there was something truly fun about getting a group of my friends together on a Sunday evening (with ice cream to boot) and seeing what was going on with Carrie, Mr. Big, and the crew (AND seeing what RIDICULOUS shoe purchase Carrie made that day -- and how high her Manolo Blahnik stilettos would be).

In Carrie's quest to find her true love, we learned a lot about weddings (the do's and don'ts according to Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha), as well as the unique links to Manhattan that resulted.

The following series is going to run the gamut (since there are several topics--rather than themes--to discuss), but I think it'll be interesting to see specific "takes" on weddings through the eyes of these women. Sure, they're fictional -- but they also represent independent, strong females (who live in Manhattan -- while I certainly am not writing for the Manhattan woman, I AM one, as are friends who have gotten engaged/married--so I feel like it's relevant here to take that into account). While we all may not be buying Manolos in bulk as Carrie does, why not take a look at weddings from the SATC perspective? And see how far apart from reality these perspectives actually are?

Stay tuned!

THE PARENTALS (AND OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS): HOW TO DEAL: PART VII (CONCLUSION)

2007-02-08T14:06:00.001-08:00

Based on the comments I've received with respect to the issue of family and weddings, the tension which may result from the predilictions/preferences of family members (with respect to religious aspects of the wedding or otherwise) is not an uncommon issue....

Obviously, there are a range of issues and scenarios, but I have, in my previous points, pointed out a few in order to illustrate certain underlying themes (like that of COMPROMISE, for example, which Megan also pointed out in her comment) that are important to keep in mind.

Remember: these problems aren't just related to your distant relatives (like that of a long-lost cousin, who wants to bring her infant to the wedding--when you have already decided on a NO KIDS policy). Much of this tension can occur within the nuclear family (i.e., with your mother/father when it comes to budget, or the actual style of the wedding), and with your fiance's family (i.e., with your STBMIL and the issues I described in prior posts). Once you recognize where the problems are coming from, you can begin to handle them accordingly.

The best way to handle family members is to KNOW YOUR LIMITS. Know when to stick to your guns (TACTFULLY), and know when to say "UNCLE". Every scenario is different, so unfortunately there's no hard and fast solution. But making sure each scenario is handled with grace and tact is ALWAYS the way to go.

I've really enjoyed reading your comments and hearing about your own experiences with respect to this issue. Bringing your own experiences to the table helps provide a richer discussion, and allows me to visit a host of issues that hopefully will connect with all readers planning their own weddings!

Stay tuned!

THE PARENTALS (AND OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS): HOW TO DEAL: PART VI

2007-01-30T16:41:00.000-08:00
I received an interesting comment today about the STBMIL, and how religion may end up playing a role in the ensuing tension that oftentimes results....

"...a friend recently got engaged and her STBMIL has turned into Monster In Law. When the non-religious couple mentioned on the fly that they wouldn't be having a church wedding. Well she went off. She went on about how hurt she was and said "well why didn't you ask me?". That was fairly early on for them and I think it was a hard lesson for them that she had a lot of expectations about their wedding, and they're now figuring out how to gently deal with her."

While issues with religion in weddings may arise within one's core family, a lot of tension results because a bride and groom's family may not be compatible when it comes to religious faith--and that raises a host of issues that a bride and groom have to deal with, particularly when considering the thoughts and feelings of family members.

A college friend of mine (Beth) is Jewish--she's "reform", only going to temple on high holidays and the occasional Bar Mitzvah. Her soon-to-be husband's family (Sam) is "conservative." (going to temple every weekend, etc.) Seth's mother (i.e., the STBMIL) had VERY set ways in how she thought the Jewish wedding ceremony should be conducted. (As with other religious ceremonies, Jewish wedding ceremonies have varying degrees of religion/tradition). The STBMIL wanted more elements of the traditional Jewish ceremony incorporated than Beth was happy with, and she made her opinion clear to Beth--several times over. This caused some unspoken conflict which could have bubbled over the surface--but Sam intervened and spoke with his mother, asking her to back off a little bit (the compromise they came to was that Sam and Beth would have the Hora, a traditional Jewish dance, at the ceremony--while Beth would have liked to do without any religious dances, she decided to please her STBMIL with this request, which took more pressure off the actual ceremony).

While there's no hard and fast solution to the issues of religion when it comes to wedding planning (and how religious faith plays a role in shaping the ceremony and reception), it's an interesting theme which should be explored. I liked how Beth and Sam handled their own issues--having the help of an intermediary (like Sam, here) is a good idea, instead of having a bride and STBMIL go head-to-head (or vice versa with the groom and STBMIL). Of course, if a bride/groom feels comfortable being direct and honest with their STBMIL, then they should go for it! Being HONEST is always the best approach--HOW you choose to be honest is your decision. Each individual situation is different---therefore, no rule can be applied across the board.

Having said that, I also believe that COMPROMISE is a huge aspect of the planning process. You may not love every idea your STBMIL throws out there, but if there's a way to appease--and please--without your giving up your own plans, then that's terrific.

I appreciate your recounting your own experiences--as they raise new and provocative issues that need to be shared!

Stay tuned!

THE PARENTALS (AND OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS): HOW TO DEAL: PART V

2007-01-20T11:41:00.000-08:00
I don't know why there often seem to be issues related to the STBMIL (Soon-to-be-Mother-in-Law), but a lot of the complexities seem to arise with them during the planning process. Most of the time STBMILs mean well, but....

So what am I talking about? Brides can have varying opinions as to how much help they want from their parents/soon-to-be in-laws--some want to be completely independent in their planning (or have a specific idea as to who will help with what), and others like as much help as they can get. Problems arise when STBMILs misinterpret politeness for something else.

BigSis was telling me about her close friend Sara and Sara's tension with her STBMIL when it came to the planning process. Sara's mother took the initiative of planning the bridal shower, and she asked BigSis to help out. BigSis and Sara's mother were excited about the prospect, and the STBMIL asked repeatedly if she could do anything. Not wanting her to feel left out, Sara's mom asked the STBMIL for her opinions on color scheme, flowers, etc. and then asked her pick up certain decorations to bring to the shower. The STBMIL was invited to come and help out pre-shower to get everything prepared for the celebration.

The complications arose when the STBMIL showed up at the shower--with her 15 friends that were also invited! Sara was slightly upset, because the pre-shower prep became kind of a mess. BigSis told me that it just made Sara's, Sara's mother, and her job harder: "It was noisy and just a lot of chaos.... there were way too many people there, and while everyone was trying to help, we didn't need that many hands. Sara was really pissed, but she tried to get let it go - after all, what can she really say?"

To Sara, according to BigSis, it seemed like the STBMIL was trying to "take over" -- one way of doing that? Bringing her army of friends to help set up, which was supposed to really be BigSis and the mother's job.

It's difficult to talk openly to a STBMIL about issues like this, but this may be the time when a fiance has to step in and gently remind his mother that she may have to take a few steps back. Obviously, not all situations are the same-but when you find someone stepping on your toes during the planning process, you're most likely NOT the only one...AND your family members who are also helping you plan may be affected. Trying to balance the thoughts and feelings of all family members is difficult--if you don't feel comfortable opening your mouth when you see an issue arise, make sure you have someone in your corner that will. Otherwise, there will just be confusion and frustration--and who wants those emotions around at a wedding shower?!

Stay tuned!

THE PARENTALS (AND OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS): HOW TO DEAL: PART V

2007-01-17T17:14:00.000-08:00
“I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, "Get the hell off my property."” -- Joan Rivers

Just a little teaser for the topic of my next post, which will follow shortly.

Stay tuned!

THE PARENTALS (AND OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS): HOW TO DEAL: PART IV

2007-01-14T12:38:00.001-08:00
I received any interesting comment the other day, in response to my post about family members--and the delicacies that come with inviting/not inviting their children.

"I have a younger sister (11 years old), so "No Kids" was not going to work for my fiance and I. But we were selective about what kids we did invite (close younger cousins, nephews and such). BUT we have recieved a couple of reply cards where the invitation was ONLY addressed to the parents and they have included children in their reply as attending. Any suggestions on how to handle this?"

My response to this question certainly holds true in the case of family members who take it upon themselves to invite their children to your wedding--but it applies to other random wedding guests, too.

Honesty is always the best policy--and while one of your goals as a bride-to-be is to keep your guests in mind with respect to the wedding planning--you have to always remember that it's still "your wedding"--and guests should respect the decisions you DO end up making. If reply cards come back to you from wedding guests, which include children who were not invited, do a quick and to-the-point follow-up phone call. Explain to your guests that you are SO happy they will be able to attend, and while you would LOVE their children to be there, you unfortunately will not be able to accommodate them. If your fiance has a closer relationship to those guests, he should make the call. Explaining why you can't invite the kids? You can also shift blame on your budget, even if money isn't necessarily the reason for not inviting all children (what do your guests know? If you say it's a money thing, they can't really put up a fight.)

It's almost more difficult when the guests who do this type of things are also family members. There is that feeling that you cannot offend anyone--particularly those in the family bloodline. However, if you don't set the record straight sooner rather than later (and, say, wait a few weeks to talk to the family members in question), things may get even more hairy--if they make travel plans (say, booking 3 airline tickets instead of the 2 they would have done sans-child (if they could hire a baby-sitter), or even being able to find a babysitter in the first case.

The bottom line: guests can do strange things--even your close family members (or that of your fiance)--like sending reply cards back as +3 (mommy and daddy, with baby or small child in tow). Therefore, clear any confusion up earlier rather than later--so as not to further complicate the issue orinadvertently offend anyone.

Stay tuned!

THE PARENTALS (AND OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS): HOW TO DEAL: PART III

2007-01-10T15:25:00.000-08:00
The next issue links into a previous post about something I consider to be a "dirty word" in the world of wedding planning (not because it's a BAD thing, but it's bound to, at least for many brides, bring up controversy and certain issues--particularly among family members).

So what's the word? KIDS. The issue of inviting children is an issue in and of itself (and one which I've devoted much time trying to explain/resolve), but when you throw children of family members into the mix? There's potential for a world of tension.

For example, it's one thing if you decide to take a "NO KIDS" approach as a blanket rule for your guests. It gets tricky, though, when you have to consider those who are part of the familial relationship. So.... what about the kids of your fiance's sister? Or your closest cousin? What then? Although limiting children at an affair may be a step you are willing to take, it gets more difficult when you have to explain it to those who are actually linked to you in the family chain (ESPECIALLY if you have a relationship with those children--even if they are younger).

Take my friend Kelly, for example. Kelly's husband (Ben) had a close cousin with a young infant. Ben really wanted to allow said cousin to bring the infant to the ceremony and at least part of the reception. Kelly wasn't particularly thrilled with the concept, as she feared that a 10 month old at the ceremony would fuss, cry, or in some way distract from the nuptials. Personally, I don't think Kelly was being high maintenance--having children at a ceremony, in particular, is a risk. While some don't care about children behaving/remaining quiet during a wedding ceremony, Kelly, in fact, was concerned. Given that it was an evening, black tie affair, she didn't feel it was appropriate. In fact, Kelly had told Ben that she didn't want children at the event---those of family members or not.

So, what did Kelly propose, given that Ben felt strongly about the situation? She told him that she would be more than happy if the cousin's child attended the rehearsal dinner and post-wedding brunch--and she would pay for a babysitter for night while the cousin attended the event.

I think this was a fair solution. It makes sense to try and accommodate family members who want to bring children, particularly as they may be traveling to your event in order to be there. However, if you have a no kids policy, STICK TO YOUR GUNS. And don't feel like a bridezilla because you don't want kids at your wedding!

Of course, if you DO, that's great, too.

What I would say is to try and accommodate your family members to the extent that you can-- by offering to pay for a babysitter, or having them attend other events during the weekend where they won't be as disruptive, but they can still feel included in the festivities.

If you are honest with your family members about the presence of children at your wedding, and you are trying to accommodate them without killing yourself, that's the best you can do, in my opinion.

More familial intrigue to come! Stay tuned!

THE PARENTALS (AND OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS): HOW TO DEAL: PART II

2007-01-07T15:10:00.000-08:00
Before we get into the juicy details of the relationship a bride has to her future mother-in-law, I thought I'd start with the basics.... (i.e., "MOM").

Like it or not, moms are pretty much part and parcel to the wedding planning process (of course, this doesn't go for every situation, but I unfortunately have to make some general conclusions, as each reader's experience is slightly different).

A mother's participation partly results from the fact that a bride and/or a bride's family traditionally foots the bill for the wedding (at least in contemporary American society--for those outside the U.S., please feel free to comment upon your own experiences). If the bride's mother (and father) is shelling out the bucks, shouldn't she (and he) have a say in what's going on?

My friend Julie found out the hard way that her wedding would come at a price -- "Ironically, I wanted to have a small, understated affair, and sort of keep the "do it myself" mentality - my mom wasn't having ANY of it. She said that if she were paying for it, she wouldn't put up with having "crap" as wedding favors or decorations-- It was definitely a little tense as I started planning, because she was intent on controlling the whole process."

A mother's level of involvement can run the spectrum - some become UBER-planners, becoming involved in every last minutia including reserving veto rights over reception locations or floral arrangements (and subsequently driving her daughter crazy in the process), and others take the DO-IT-YOURSELF approach. There are, of course, those mothers in the middle--willing to help but not willing to go crazy over it.

Even before a bride gets started in the planning process, she should do some thinking about the role her mother will play--and if this role is appropriate/comfortable. Communication is the key here.

Talk to your mother--as well as your immediate family--before you get started, in order to determine how much time/effort your mom wants to put in. Determine guidelines and outline responsibilities (will your mom come with you to look at reception halls/floral arrangements? Or will she merely provide suggestions beforehand, and you and your fiance will do the actual looking? How much lee-way does your mother have in terms of making phone calls, setting up appointments?). Have a frank discussion about what you want to get out of your wedding day, and how your mom can help (without getting in the way).

The downside of NOT communicating with your mother can lead to tension and hurt feelings-no matter how involved your mother wants to be. My friend Barbara, who is planning her May wedding, was surprised (and a little taken aback) that her mother--with whom she is very close--took a more distant stance with respect to her nuptials. "My mom basically was like 'do what you want to do--everything is up to you. Your planning, your decision.' I was really upset by it -we talk every day on the phone, and she's generally pretty involved- but after talking to her about it, she told me that it was her "mom-ish" way of not wanting to be too bossy, and her wanting to respect my decisions. It was really miscommunication--it's good we had a conversation, otherwise I wouldn't have understood her motivations."

The lesson to be learned here is that your immediate family may be the most important guests you invite--and your mother may end up as a key element in the planning process. Therefore, make sure to be honest with her about how you feel regarding her involvement, and whether or not you want to seek such help.

Stay tuned!

THE PARENTALS (AND OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS): HOW TO DEAL (PART I)

2007-01-03T16:34:00.000-08:00

I love this picture. Why? It brings me back to when I was a little girl, playing with my father, not knowing the words "deadline" and client"--and only worrying about my Barbies and Cabbage Patch Kids.

This image is a sharp contrast to what life is like now -- I absolutely adore living in Manhattan and hanging out with TallGuy and my friends, but I could certainly do without the stress of work and having to pay an endless pile of bills.

I haven't had to deal with planning a wedding yet, so that's not an additional stress on my plate, so to speak. However, I have seen many of my engaged friends struggle with a type of aggravation/pressure that, at least to me, seems rather counterintuitive about the planning process. Especially for people close with their family (mother or father, sister or brother, aunt or uncle), it's hard to imagine that FAMILY can become the source of so much stress with respect to wedding issues. Aggravation from your wedding planner? The florist? Sure. That makes sense. But from your sister (i.e., your closest friend)? That's not as obvious. Friends of mine who have planned their wedding have told me that this was the most surprising aspect of their experience (i.e., fighting more with their relatives than the people actually involved in making the wedding happen).

My next series is devoted to the concept of FAMILY--and how the family affects the planning process (and the tension that may result). The obvious starting point would be your parents and future in-laws. I'll certainly cover these concepts. But issues and conflict can arise anywhere in the family tree--no matter how close you are to your relatives.

I'm not a psychologist. So why, then, am I talking about familial relationships with respect to the planning process? Not to delve into a bride's psyche--but to pinpoint and target problem areas--which will hopefully help people figure out how to most tactfully deal with their family (without tearing their hair out).

While dealing with your family during planning may not render images like the one above, the process should be harmonious for all involved.

The point of all of this? Your family members (who may or may not be involved with helping you plan) are also going to be guests at your wedding. You should remember to treat them well, as you would anyone else in attendance.

Stay tuned!

THE RECEIVING LINE: A NECESSARY EVIL?: PART III

2006-12-29T11:34:00.000-08:00
While I'm sitting at work with nothing to do (a rarity for me), I figured I'd wrap up this series with my final thoughts.

I've noted various questions that I suggest a bride asks herself when considering having the receiving line. This final question/issue may be the most controversial, but it must be said.

"WHAT OTHER "TRADITIONAL ELEMENTS" AM I KEEPING AS PART OF THE RECEPTION? WILL MY GUESTS GET BORED OR OVERLOADED WITH THE FORMALITIES?"

As I've reiterated time and time again, THERE ARE NO "RULES" ABOUT WHAT TO DO-- AND WHAT NOT TO DO-- AT YOUR WEDDING.

Think wedding speeches are dumb or overblown? Skip them (or cut down the number of speakers). Shudder at the idea of the grand entrance (where you and your fiance enter the reception to music)? Enter in a more subtle manner.

The bottom line is trying to keep your guests in mind (the common thread among all of my posts), and none of these traditions is hard and fast to having a "good" wedding.

Therefore, in thinking about the receiving line, keep in mind what other traditions you're retaining---i.e., the number of speeches/toasts, the cake cutting, the grand entrance, the slide show of baby pictures of you and your husband, etc., etc., etc.

I'll be blunt. Guests (myself and those I've spoken with, included) don't particularly like being on a schedule at weddings. The more traditions you keep, the more prone they are to get bored (listening to six speeches, unless the best man is hanging from a chandelier, gets BORING!). I've been to dozens of weddings, and the best (i.e., the most fun) are those that provide flexibility (the ability to roam around, dance with my date, talk to my friends). The not-so-great are those where I'm constantly having to sit down and listen. or watch. or shake hands.

I'm certainly not saying that having a few of these elements is hindrance to a fun wedding. But it is important to think about each element in connection with the other--and how they all add up.

Therefore, if you have a receiving line (certainly a traditional element), think about what else you're doing at the wedding besides dinner and dancing. It may really help you figure out what I like to call "cutting the fat."

Hopefully, these three questions will give ya'll some food for thought.

Stay tuned!

THE RECEIVING LINE: A NECESSARY EVIL?: PART II

2006-12-27T13:53:00.000-08:00
Continuing with the subject of receiving lines, I want to take up the next question in the series:

HOW LARGE IS MY WEDDING--AND WILL SIZE PERMIT ME TO MEET AND GREET EVERY GUEST (WITHOUT A LINE?)

My friend Bonnie had a very large wedding--over 300 people--mainly because her fiance's parents gave her and Brad (her now-husband) an ultimatum. Brad's parents said they had to invite their entire temple community (i.e., 250 people) or only immediate family (i.e., 5 people)--in order to avoid offending their old friends (with whom they mingled playing bridge, at temple functions, etc). As Brad's parents refused to even consider paying for their share of invitees (a cheap and ridiculous concept which I'll take up in a later post), Bonnie felt cornered. Either she had to have a teeny tiny wedding (since Bonnie and her parents had few people to invite), or a huge affair.

What to do? Bonnie opted for a large-scale affair, despite the fact that most of the people there would be for Brad's parents.

Bonnie and Brad had a receiving line--Bonnie's observation about the situation (and her parent's reaction) is quite telling: "We were standing next to each other, and my mom and dad were meeting all of Mr & Mrs. [Brad's last name] family friends. It went something like this: 'Hi, I'm Mrs. X, and I'm from Levittown, New York. Hello, I'm Mr. Y, and I'm from Levittown, New York. Good evening, I'm Mrs. Z, and I'm from Levittown, New York. My father gave 'a look' to my mother, as if to say 'this is ridiculous! Frankly, I didn't disagree. BUT, I will say that with the line, I kind of avoided having to go and seek out random people I didn't really know later in the evening--it was almost like getting it over with!'"

Sometimes the receiving line is the most convenient way of meeting guests, but it really seemed to provide Bonnie's parents with more aggravation than anything else. Nevertheless, it was an obligation that was over and done with at the beginning of the reception, which pleased Bonnie. I'll save the subject of etiquette when it comes to parents and wedding planning, but the story does illlustrate a point when it comes to these issues.

Getting back to the main question, however-- whether you have a receiving line really depends on if you and your fiance can greet all guests--whether individually or in terms of the tables you have arranged at the reception.

While you should certainly not treat meeting and greeting your guests as a "say hi and run" situation, you shouldn't feel obligated to get into an hour-long discussion. There's simply no time for that. However, it IS important to be realistic about whether or not you can say hello to everyone--if you don't, it's in poor taste. When I went to Heather's wedding (the subject of my posts about inviting guests with a date), she never even came over to the table to say hello to me or the others sitting with me-- I NEVER EVEN SAW HER the entire evening. I felt that was in incredibly poor taste (especially given the circumstances, and that I felt she was on thin ice as it were).

If you have a large wedding, think ahead about whether or not you can realistically greet your guests and thank them for coming. If you feel that is too much to ask, a receiving line may not be a bad idea. When you think about the PRO's and CON's of each scenario, it may help you figure out the best method.

Stay tuned!

THE RECEIVING LINE: A NECESSARY EVIL?: PART I

2006-12-24T12:57:00.000-08:00
The speeches. The "first" dances (and the various combos thereof--i.e., bride and groom, groom and mother, bride and father, bride's father and bride's mother, groom's father and groom's mother. ETC. ETC. ETC.). The cake cutting. And what I like to call "wedding specific" traditions (cultural or otherwise).

What do all of the above-referenced items have in common? They are all facets of the wedding reception, and make me wonder: given that a reception is really only a few precious hours, have weddings become too regimented and too rote? The various elements have added food for thought.

As a frequent guest at weddings, I find that the events I enjoy most are those with fewer "wedding-y" type of "activities" (like having to sit down and listen to an endless array of toasts, for example)--and more time to hang out with friends, dance with my date, and take in my surroundings.

The receiving line, which is the subject of this series, is one of the elements of a wedding that many people integrate, but may be unnecessary. In order to "cut the fat", so to speak, it's important to remember a few things with respect to the receiving line.

First off, what is it, really? According to Peggy Post's "Q & A" on the Wedding Channel website, "A receiving line is a traditional and organized way for the wedding party to greet guests, after the ceremony or upon their arrival at the reception." A receiving line can include you and your new-husband, as well as your mothers, in addition to other relatives (there is no set formula, and the number of those you include is at your discretion).

There are several factors one must take into account when thinking about the appropriateness of a receiving line. Although these factors cannot be taken independently of one another, I am going to separate them, one-by-one, in this new series. Keep them all in mind when thinking about the topic.

The first question is: WHAT TYPE OF WEDDING ARE YOU HAVING?

The level of formality of the reception comes into play here, and I'll use my mother's wedding as an example. Having been married to my father over thirty years ago (hard to believe), my mother had a large cocktail party reception at a Manhattan hotel. As the older and wiser version of the Wedding Fairy, my mom gave me her thoughts about receiving lines--tied to her own experience thirty+ years back: "Usually, people have them right after the ceremony in the cocktail room--but then you sort of miss the whole cocktail hour. Since I had a cocktail party wedding, we had a receiving line, but as the party went on for a long time, it actually gave the party some structure."

BigSis, on the other hand, had a cocktail reception AND sit-down dinner. If BigSis had the receiving line (either at the beginning of the cocktail hour or the actual dinner reception), she and her husband may have been doing formal meet-and-greets for most of the cocktail hour. Presumably, she still would have included the more formal elements of the dinner reception that I talked about above (including the speeches, cupcake presentation (in lieu of cake cutting), etc. In turn, not only would BigSis have missed getting to relax at her own cocktail hour, but the wedding may have seemed regimented and on a schedule. While a wedding planner may plan a wedding on a certain "schedule" (wedding speech, then dancing, dinner, then another speech, etc.), guests should never FEEL like that's the case. Keep that in mind when thinking about the receiving line--especially as the type of wedding you have may come into play.

Stay tuned!

LET THEM EAT (WEDDING CAKE): PART IV

2006-12-18T16:03:00.000-08:00
I wanted to take one last stab at the wedding cake conversation--and use a reader's very cool concept to underscore my point that you can do interest, off the beaten path things with respect to the cake--and the sky's the limit!

One reader commented: "We will have a cake as the centerpiece of each table. That way we have lots of flavors, and it encourages guests to mingle."

What a lovely idea! Having different wedding cakes which are on a smaller scale is one way of keeping things fresh and versatile--and as the reader suggests, a way of encouraging people to socialize with others they may not ordinarily have met. Getting guests to move around may not seem like that important of a concept, but the more movement you have at your wedding (in terms of guests talking, dancing, etc.) is a way to ensure that everyone will eat, drink and most importantly, BE MERRY.

They say variety is the space of life--here, that concept plays to the nootion that each guest is different (ever heard the "I HATE chocolate versus "I can't LIVE WITHOUT chocolate" debate?) Crazy, I know, that some are vanilla-guys/gals, but I am one of those people, and I know there are others out there!

My final thoughts in conclusion to this series- YOU GO, GIRLS (Chrissy, Sara, Megan, and anyone else I've forgotten but should be named!)! It makes me happy to hear about creative brides thinking outside the box.

Stay tuned (next order of business: the receiving line!)

"LET THEM EAT (WEDDING) CAKE: PART III"

2006-12-09T13:36:00.000-08:00
One important thing to remember about wedding cakes: they don't have to taste like cardboard anymore.

In the past, brides often felt that they either had to sacrifice SUBSTANCE or STYLE -- even just a few years back, a beautiful and/or creative wedding cake wasn't necessarily....tasty. On the other hand, a yummy wedding cake was oftentimes limited in terms of how creative it could be.

So, how do you make sure that the cake is both tasty and tasteful/beautiful/magical/[INSERT YOUR FAVORITE ADJECTIVE HERE]?

There are a few things to think about on your quest to find the perfect cake--one that your friends and family will enjoy eating--and looking at.

1) CHOOSE A BAKER BASED ON "YOUR VISION": Before you go cake shopping, think about the overall theme/vision of your wedding, and how your cake is meant to fit in. Things to ponder: color scheme, traditional versus modern, and shape. My suggestion is to take clippings of cakes you've seen (and either adored or even hated!) in magazines or websites--this will help you think about what path you're taking--and how the bakery can help meet your needs. In addition, keep in mind the season in which you will hold your wedding reception, as well as whether you are partial to integrating real flowers into the cake--or if you want to let the cake speak for itself in terms of color and style. Many cake makers have websites, which is a great place to start--you can really get to know his/her individual style (whether they are more of a 'romantic' when it comes to creating a cake, or if their taste tends towards funky or unconventional).

2)INGREDIENTS, INGREDIENTS, INGREDIENTS : According to "The Knot", there are a myriad of tasty options when it comes to wedding cake confections. According to the Knot website: "Buttercream, made from butter and sugar is smooth and creamy, and it stays soft so it’s easy to cut, color, and flavor...easily shaped into swags, borders, and flowers. Fondant, another popular option is made of sugar, corn syrup, water, and gelatin, and is rolled out with a rolling pin before it’s draped over the cake. It makes a smooth firm base for decorative details, and it has a porcelain finish. Other icing choices include marzipan, a paste made from ground almonds, used in sheets like fondant; whipped cream, a sweetened whipped heavy cream (great with fruit fillings); and ganache, a rich mix of chocolate and cream."

Although you needn't be the Rachel Ray of wedding cakes before going to see different bakers, it's a good idea to get schooled on the type of ingredients mentioned above, as the ability to fufill your vision--not to mention the price--will depend on the type of ingredients used. The importance of BALANCE when it comes to a successful wedding cake cannot be overstated--emphasize to the prospective baker that the cake needs to look amazing--and taste that way too!

3) MIND OVER MATTER (THINKING ABOUT THE BUDGET) : No matter what goes into your cake (literally), it's important to remember that while brides have beautiful visions, if the price doesn't work, then you may need to scale things down. The cost of the cake is, at least most of the time, calculated per slice. And, according to the Wedding Channel, most brides spend between $3-$6 per slice. (That money adds up as you find your guest list getting longer and longer!) However, the price per slice for more complicated and elaborate cakes can go up to as much as $20 bucks! Therefore, you should get as much as possible for what you pay, since this is a large expense that is one of the most noticeable.

Like with every other item on the list of expenses, make sure you get what you want--in writing. (Will purchase of your cake include delivery and set up? What about a cake topper/stand? Whether big or small, the questions aren't stupid--and should be asked. Your vision is important, but the price must be right. Make sure you have open communication with each prospective baker--you'll thank yourself for it.

These are just a few of the things you need to think about when attempting to achieve BALANCE as regards your wedding cake. Your guests should be wowed by both the taste of the confection--and the imagination that goes behind it.

Stay tuned!

"LET THEM EAT (WEDDING) CAKE: PART II"

2006-12-05T16:42:00.000-08:00
I really enjoyed the comments to the last post--thanks for sharing what you've all done for your own weddings. The comments are great, too, as they are very "on point" with my thoughts about the "non traditional" wedding cake and/or "wedding cake alternative."

Sometimes, the concept of doing something different or off-the-beaten-path is unappealing--("What if people think it's weird?" "If they don't like it?") etc. etc. etc.

However, having a "spin" on the wedding-cake can, in fact, be an excellent way to separate yourself from the pack, so to speak. When you have a special element that you can highlight? All the better.

With respect to Megan's wedding in France, I LOVED hearing about what she did for dessert: "We had the traditional French Pièce Montée- stacked cream puffs covered in caramel. Usually they are in the shape of a cone, but we had it in the shape of the chateau where we had the reception. It was different and the American guests really enjoyed it..."

Interlacing cultural themes/traditions into one's wedding--where it's appropriate and fits the circumstances--is a really nice, subtle way of doing something different--but unique and noteworthy. I recently read in a bridal magazine about a bride and groom who had their wedding at a vineyard in Long Island, New York. That particular area of Long Island is very famous for a particular farm, which sells very famous pies (apple, blueberry, and more adventurous flavors as well)--instead of having wedding cake, the bride and groom served pies from the Brieremere farm--which was very much a hit with the wedding guests.

Doing something different doesn't have to be limited to the location of one's wedding, but the heritage of the participants. Serving a traditional dessert to celebrate one's culture--even if it's in lieu of a wedding cake--is a way to invite your guests (in a welcoming and non-intrusive way) to share your background and cultural beliefs--even if it's just for the evening.

There are so many ways to introduce an interesting and varied theme to your reception--beginning with the concept of the wedding cake--and going from there--is certainly one way to do it.

Stay tuned!

THE WEDDING FAIRY RETURNS: "LET THEM EAT (WEDDING) CAKE": PART I

2006-12-03T18:10:00.000-08:00
Good evening. I have returned from my hiatus, and I appreciate your staying with me while I've been away. Although I've been working my little tail off, I haven't left what I love to do in my spare time --writing about weddings (and while I've been "away", I've been doing a lot of research into the nuts and bolts of wedding planning).

For the past few weeks, I've focused less on etiquette-related subject matter and indulged in learning about the straight-up aspects of planning. And why not? Although I'm (a) not engaged or (b) a paid wedding-planner, I find that looking at the various elements of a wedding leads me to understand bridal behavior--and how planning affects treatment of guests/what guests end up looking when they think about what makes a fun wedding.

What have I been particularly obsessed with? Cakes. For some reason, dresses, flowers, and table settings take a back seat to my persual of the hundreds of wedding cakes on The Wedding Channel. Square ones or circular ones? Fondant? Buttercream? Artificial Flowers or Real Flowers? Conventional or Funky?

I think that choosing a cake is almost like picking a piece of art work -- there is an impressive level of craftmanship that goes into a beautiful cake, and it's an interesting conversation piece--even after the last piece is eaten.

For those of you searching for the perfect cake: definitely check out The Wedding Channel--they have wonderful photographs to help you get a feel or what you're looking for.

I think something important to remember is that there is no paint-by-numbers to picking a cake. The days of conservative, white wedding cakes are a thing of the past (if that's your style, that's great, but it's certainly not required), and guests (believe me, I do) really enjoy seeing (and tasting) something new and different.

So hot pink (like the cake pictured here) may not be your thing. Understandable. Just remember that maintaining that element of fun is part of the modern day wedding, and if you're enjoying yourself (and perhaps not taking yourself so seriously), then your guests definitely will, too.

Stay tuned!

STAY TUNED...THE WEDDING FAIRY WILL RETURN

2006-11-19T14:22:00.000-08:00
Just wanted to apologize for The Wedding Fairy's hiatus -- I have been compiling and collecting new stories to share, and will be back shortly with more on "what not to do" -- stay tuned for more this coming week and those to follow!

MUSINGS ON THE MISCELLANEOUS (PART V): THE "EX" FACTOR

2006-10-31T15:41:00.000-08:00

I hate to admit it, but I am a Lifetime girl. Any crappy drama that is on the first Television channel "for women" will do. Some of my favorites? "The House Next Door." "To Love, Honor and Betray." "The Crying Child."

TallGuy completely makes fun of me for it, but I can't help it. After a long day of mind-bending work and demanding clients, it's nice to come home and watch absolutely mindless television.....

I was thinking about Lifetime television--and all the drama that unfolds--particularly as relates to the issue of the EX factor.

A lot of the Lifetime dramas have to do with ex boyfriends and ex girlfriends, jealousy, intrigue, seduction..... While planning your wedding may not rise to the level of a Lifetime drama, interesting scenarios can result when thinking about who to invite--and if any exes will be on that list.

My friend Gillian is getting married in March to her fiance, Brandon, and she was telling me about the tension that resulted from figuring out the guest list--and grappling over the issue of whether Brandon's ex girlfriend from summer camp, (CampGirl) would be invited. Gillian had been out to an assortment of birthday parties in Manhattan (at various bars) over the span of her three year relationship with Brandon, and at several of the bars, CampGirl (who was there through mutual friends) would run up to Brandon and give him huge hugs ("OMG Brandon, it's SOOOOO good to seeeeee you!!!!!"--all the while completely ignoring Gillian (without even an acknowledgment of "hi" or "how are you"). While Gillian tolerated Brandon's friendship with CampGirl (and the way CampGirl fawned all over him), the obnoxious and inappropriate behavior was quite a different story.

Each time this occurred, Gillian was livid--even more so because Brandon alternatively would defend CampGirl (i.e. "she really wasn't as rude as you make it out") or deny CampGirl's behavior (i.e. "I didn't even notice that she ignored you").

Gillian was as annoyed with Brandon's obliviousness as she was with CampGirl's outlandish behavior.

When it came time to do wedding planning, Gillian said that first on her list of "CUTS" -- after Brandon's childhood dentist and long-lost cousins--was CampGirl. After all, it wasn't like Brandon and CampGirl kept in touch all that much (through the occasional email and camp reunion), and wouldn't it just create discomfort when it simply wasn't necessary?

In terms of inviting exes, it's important to keep in mind how close the relationship is--and how the relationship will affect you and your guests.

Sure, not all guests will be involved when it comes to the "EX" factor -- but the potential explosiveness of the "Lifetime" type of emotions--jealousy, pettiness, anger, intrigue -- those are best avoided on the big day -- both for you AND your guests (EX or just a innocent bystander) (who wants to witness a nasty, throw-down cat fight at a wedding? Oh wait.... this sounds like Lifetime... maybe I shouldn't have said that!!!)

The outcome of Brandon and Gillian's guest list? CampGirl wasn't invited. Which probably was best for all involved. When it comes to EXes, EVALUATE EVALUATE EVALUATE -- and think long and hard if it's an appropriate decision for all involved. Maybe some have mature relationships and can handle that additional stress, but some women (and men) may be a bit more fragile....

Lifetime is great and all -- but those emotional outbursts and catfights are better left on television.

Stay tuned!

"THERE'S NO CRYING IN BASEBALL": A LESSON FOR THE AGES

2006-10-22T13:46:00.000-07:00
I hate to quote a New York Yankee, but Yogi Berra--when it came to baseball--said it best: "It ain't over till it's over."

Well, folks, it is really, truly OVER for The New York Mets this year--and it was a hell of a season.

As you may know, I like to analogize situations related to wedding planning (i.e. the raw emotion, stress, and pleasure that results) with my experiences with sporting events. Why? As I've explained before, sports are part of our social fabric, and they're something to which most people can relate.

This year, the New York Mets proved to me what baseball is all about--class, joy for the game, and pure athleticism (unmarred by whisperings/rumors about steroid abuse and use of other banned-substances). Every member of the team--from the franchise players (Beltran, Delgado) to the young guns (Wright, Reyes) contributed, busted his butt, and made every Met fan proud to say that they cheer in Flushing--not in the Bronx.

What I learned from this season is that no matter how hard you try, or how badly you want it (players and fans included), things may not necessarily work out the way they should.

This was the METS' year. After the Yankees fell short in the first round of post-season play, it was the METS' turn to shine, earning a place in the hearts and minds of New Yorkers.

I was at Game 7 at Shea Stadium. I can tell you that it felt like the Mets were destined to beat the Cardinals, particularly after Endy Chavez made a sparkling defensive play (with a unbelievable over the fence catch, robbing Cardinals' Rolen of a 2 run home run)--the likes of which have been season maybe ONCE OR TWICE in a baseball game--post season or otherwise.

Despite that play, it didn't happen. I don't know WHAT happened. The Mets, despite having an unbelievable outing out of their unpredicatable rookie pitchers, couldn't get it started--or finished--offensively. With 2 outs, bases loaded, Beltran--the most reliable franchise player the Mets have--went down looking on a beautiful breaking ball. That's just the type of game it was.

Done. With that strike out, the Mets season was over, dreams of a pennant and world series ring quelled.

I kept saying to TallGuy that it wasn't fair.... it wasn't supposed to happen this way. It was THEIR TIME.

What I learned from my disappointment--through my tears--was that no matter how much you want something, no matter how hard you try, no matter how much you believe, sometimes you fall short of your goals. Did the Mets want to get to the next level? Of course. Were they busting their butts to get there? Absolutely.

The other thing I thought about as I spoke to TallGuy was that it was just a game.

"There's no crying in baseball!", TallGuy gently pointed out to me (referring to the classic quote from Tom Hanks' character in A League of Their Own).

You know what? He's right. There IS no crying in baseball.

They did their best, and it was a season to be proud of. That was all I could have asked for--and it made me feel better.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again -- PERSPECTIVE is one of the most important things to have as you plan your wedding.

Sometimes, despite ALL the planning and all the hard work, things don't always go the way they should. It pours on what should be a beautiful, summer day for your outdoor wedding. The caterer is late. The DJ plays Marvin Gaye's "Sexual Healing" even after you expressly told him not to. Your bridesmaid gets s&#* faced before the ceremony and stumbles down the aisle in front of your 250 guests. The hydrangeas are drooping before the reception begins.

During a wedding, almost anything can go wrong, no matter how much you practice and prep, and prep some more. Whether you have a PLAN B, EXIT STRATEGY or LAST DITCH EFFORT lined up, it may not work out the way you want it.

Sometimes, it's just not fair.

As I discovered, though, there IS no crying in baseball. Keep that in mind as you go through the planning process. While I'm NOT saying your day isn't important--and I know how money is spent to make these things happen--"it" - whatever "it" is -- isn't the end of the world. Your wedding will still be one of the most special moments of your life (just as being at Game 7 was one of mine). Unlike the Mets playoffs, which hopefully will happen again next year, you only get one chance to thoroughly enjoy planning for and celebrating your wedding. Enjoy the moment--live in it and revel in it--because it's fleeting.

Stay tuned! AND one more thing: LET'S GO METS GO LET'S GO METS!

THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME: A DISCUSSION OF WEDDING RECEPTION SITES (PART III)

2006-10-08T14:15:00.000-07:00
I've been thinking a lot about the concept of presentation (as relates to wedding planning, of course) -- and how thoughtfulness can affect your guests (or at least communicate certain messages to them, whether or not a bride intends to do so).

Don't get me wrong here - In thinking about this issue, I'm really putting aside money matters, and whether a bride has a blow-out budget--or only a few dollars to throw around. The most beautiful affair CAN be pulled off on a shoestring budget, and the most thoughtless, thrown together event may be the most expensive you ever attend.

The issue of presentation/thoughtfulness really comes into play when the ceremony/reception is at one's home. Why? Part of the reason is that HOME = COMFORT ZONE. The idea is not to get TOO comfortable in your surroundings - otherwise guests may notice, and it may end up to a bride's disadvantage.

Take, for example, the concept of catering at an intimate, home affair. Vanessa ("V"), a colleague of mine, attended a wedding of one of her close camp friends ("Tina"). The wedding was at the groom's childhood home, an elegant home in the suburbs of Philadelphia (topped with white picket fences, a beautiful white colonial with black shutters, and a backyard to boot).

V said that the location was beautiful-- perfect for a medium sized affair that could be elegant and intimate. The execution? Not great--actually, thrown together and unplanned--at least when it came to the food.

"I'm really not high maintenance, but I could NOT understand how, given how nice the house was and how much money they obviously put into the event (bridesmaids dresses, rehearsal dinner, etc.) food was sort of an afterthought. It was just weird."

What V meant by "afterthought" was the fact that there was (a) VERY little of it and (b) what little there was, it was left out willy-nilly on a dining room table in those picnic-like alumnium tins with tongs for guests to serve themselves.

If this were an afternoon, casual affair, I would think perhaps V were being a little hard on her friend. But V and the other guests were expected to attend the wedding in semi formal/formal attire -- therefore, she was justified in being slightly surprised that the dinner aspect of the evening was somewhat disregarded, and appeared to be an afterthought.

While one need not have white-gloved butlers serving gourmet little hotdogs and champagne when guests first walk into an event, laying out aluminum tins for guests at an otherwise formal event is inconsistent with the appearance of careful planning.

Sure, guests can dig in--and dish out their meals themselves. If they're getting all dressed up and taking trains/planes/automobiles to get to this lavish affair, should they really have to?

The point about home receptions is that a bride/groom wouldn't necessarily face this issue if they were to have the event at an event site/banquet hall - the idea of catering is oftentimes included with choosing such a site. In having the event at home, ALL factors have to be considered. Otherwise, it will look like you didn't really think much about certain aspects of the evening -- feeding your guests is probably one of the most important parts

Stay tuned!

THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME: OR IS THERE? A DISCUSSION OF WEDDING RECEPTION SITES: PART II

2006-10-01T13:28:00.000-07:00
Having a wedding reception at home can be beautiful and conven-
ient, and there are definitely advantages to saying "I do" in a location with which you are both familiar and comfortable.

However, as nice as a home reception can be (particularly when you are lucky enough to live in (or have parents who live in) a home like the one pictured here!), there are certain "don'ts" that need to be mentioned--otherwise these issues may stick with your guests long after the last car has backed out of your driveway.
My friend Kristen attended a wedding at the home of one of her high school friends (Jennifer)--in the suburbs to the North of Manhattan. It was nice for Kristen to be back in her old neighborhood - as a New York City girl, Kristen missed the green lawns and tree-lined streets. Jennifer's parents recently moved from her childhood home to a larger, more lavish home across town. As Jennifer's parents had just moved in recently, the house was gorgeous and newly constructed.

Kristen said the ceremony and reception at the house were beautiful (and the bride was lucky to have gotten a sunny day and have most of the event outdoors), but she found something a *little* weird about the event: "So I guess the house was new--so new that they must have been worried about foot traffic and people getting the new floors/carpets dirty. They put down brown packing-type paper on the floors throughout the ENTIRE house -- it wasn't taped down very well, so my heels were getting caught as I tried to walk on it when I was in the house. Definitely a little weird (and potentially dangerous), I thought..."

One of the disadvantages to having a reception at your home IS the issue of keeping things clean/neat and in order -- however, when you try and counteract dirt and foot traffic by making your guests walk on brown paper, you lose the element of elegance -- and you add into the equation the issue of putting off your guests AND injuring them!

Putting down brown packing paper on the carpets is basically the same thing as asking your wedding guests to take their shoes off....and THAT seems pretty outrageous to me too.

Therefore, if you do a home reception, keep in mind that there WILL BE issues you'll have to tackle--but in a way that is both understated and subtle. Understatement, safety and subtletly is not achieved by tacking brown packing paper on the floors.

Stay tuned!

THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME: OR IS THERE?: A DISCUSSION OF WEDDING RECEPTION SITES (PART I)

2006-09-24T15:30:00.000-07:00
Choosing a reception site is a daunting process. If your ceremony is at a church or synagogue, brides-to-be have the added complication of travel issues to and from the ceremony and reception, as well as the questions about timing (i.e. when things should begin, and end). But even if your ceremony is at the same place as your reception, there are many things to think about.

Indoors or outdoors?

Hotel or private club?

Modern or romantic, old-school elegant?

Large or small?

These are some of the questions that brides-to-be must answer even before thinking about floral arrangements, Band/DJ, and caterers. The choice of the venue is among the most important decisions made during the planning process--PLUS, it will affect your guests, and therefore, becomes an issue of importance.

For some, the answer is simple. Using one's home as the site for a ceremony and/or reception can be both elegant and cost-effective.

When I was eight years old, I was a flower girl in my then-au pair's (Catherine's) wedding--she had been with my family (and lived in our house) for 10 years and had become a second mom in many ways--although she had left our home to get married, my parents offered our home to her as a site to have the reception. Although it wasn't her "home" in the literal sense, it was figuratively. The wedding was beautiful, and we were lucky enough to have gorgeous, sunny weather which allowed everyone to mingle outdoors.

Don't get me wrong, though -- although our house is very pretty, it by no means is the type you'll see in Modern Bride when they do articles on throwing the "perfect" reception at home. I didn't grow up in a mansion (by any means), and it's not as if there were so many options about where to have the actual event in the house (we had one medium sized living room with french doors which led onto a patio - that was the only choice in terms of an indoor scenario).

In this case, size mattered -- we were lucky that there was only sun and clear blue skies -- otherwise, it could have been CRAMPED. CRAMPED. CRAMPED if rain had set in.

Therefore, if having a wedding at home, the first thing is to think about the number of guests in play, as well as if they will fit both inside and outside your home. Otherwise, things could get a little tight and uncomfortable for everyone.

Thinking back, I'm not sure WHAT would have happened if Catherine's wedding day was rainy or freezing cold -- Catherine was lucky, and my parents were even luckier (since I don't think there was a Plan B, and as the ones who offered, it would have been stressful to scramble at the last minute!)

Make sure to have a Plan B if you're having a wedding at home. Although the photographs in Modern Bride always portray picture-perfect receptions on sunny days--with large, white mansions and picket fences, in real life, things won't be as glossy as they may appear in the magazines.

Most of this is straight-up common sense, but best to think about it right off the bat as you try and tackle the questions I posed above (as related to choosing a reception site).

There may be no place like home, but it's best to think long and hard about your options before turning to that as an option.

Stay tuned!

THE INEVITABILITY OF THE NAYSAYERS: HOW TO BE A GRACIOUS BRIDE

2006-09-20T07:55:00.000-07:00
The other night, I had the pleasure of watching my favorite sports team in the world, The New York Mets, win the National League Eastern Division Title. As Cliff Floyd caught the final out in left field, and team members tumbled onto one another near the pitcher's mound, I felt nothing but elation. For the first time in eighteen years, The New York Mets had once again become the top of the heap during the regular season--which earned them a berth in postseason play.

The win flooded me with memories about how "Amazin" the Mets used to be---in the days of Strawberry and Darling, Hernandez and Orosco. I grew up with the New York Mets, and distinctly remember attending 1988 NLCS game 3 against the L.A. Dodgers, where Jay Howell, one of the Dodgers' pitchers was thrown out of the game (and subsequently, the series) for using an illegal substance--pine tar--on the ball. My dad bought me a Mets teddy bear at a souvenir stand that night, and I named him "L.A. Cheats" (perhaps not the most subtle name, but please, I was, what, nine years old?) I still have him.

While I still was giddy with excitement the next day, I got to thinking about how people were starting to rain on my parade.

I feigned anger when TallGuy (also a Met-lover), for example, said to me at dinner (I'm paraphrasing him, as I didn't decide to take out my tape recorder at the table): "I don't really see what the big deal is - they were going to win the division anyway... I mean, it was inevitable that they would win the season -- I think baseball overdoes it [i.e. champagne celebrations] for that kind of stuff." I immediately became defensive.

What was the big deal? I huffed and puffed. Here's why:

"There have only been THREE other teams in the HISTORY of the Mets ('69, '86, '88) to WIN the division title!"

"They just BROKE the Atlanta Braves' FOURTEEN year winning streak of division titles!"

"Because Jose Valentin, their eighth hitter, became the hero of the game once again by hitting two homers to help lead them to victory?!!"

Grr. There were so many reasons why this moment was special. I understood TallGuy's point, but I was annoyed that he was making it.

"STOP BEING A NAYSAYER", I told him. I then realized how ridiculous I was acting. We both laughed.

There are other Naysayers out there when it comes to the Mets-- some talking about how the always entertaining Pedro Martinez wasn't the same Pedro he used to be while on the Sox (and would that come back to bite the Mets in the ass). Some others talking about how the Mets had problems hitting against left-handed pitchers. Still some others talking about how the Mets are the poor-man's team in New York City (when compared to mighty Yankees of the Bronx).

For all of the awesome headlines in the NY Post and the NY Daily News, I was also seeing glimmers of doubt. Doubt about how good the Mets really were (since their division was "bad", according to some), doubt about how far they'd make it, etc. etc. etc....

"STOP NAYSAYING!" I wanted to scream at the television and these articles that were casting shadows about the division win.

I can't explain it, but there's something magical about the moldy apple in the top hat (see my sweet photograph which I took at a recent game) that pops up and down when a Met hits a home run, something about the run-down Shea Stadium, and something about Mets fans that gives me reason to believe in something I love.

As you may have seen in my prior posts, I like to make sports analogies when I can. Whether or not you enjoy MLB, the Mets, or NASCAR, sports are part of our social fabric, and therefore, very relatable.

And just like in sports when it comes to the critics (the Mets are overrated, Tom Glavine is over the hill, blah blah blah), there are NAYSAYERS EVERYWHERE -- including in the midst of wedding planning.

Everyone's a critic. I hate to say it - but it's true. What you think is beautiful or fashionable or elegant is probably so, objectively speaking - but while you may think that everyone should be 100% in agreement with you, life doesn't work that way.

Your mother may end up fretting over the flower arrangements (too many hydrangeas? too few?), and even your closest friends may untactfully question the cost of the bridesmaid's dress (inexcusable, as is choosing a dress that is so unaffordable that they'd have to say something!)... there are NAYSAYERS everywhere -- if you choose a destination wedding, people will complain. If you choose a hometown location, people will complain.

YOU CANNOT PLEASE EVERYONE. NAYSAYING is just as tacky as acting like a bitchy bride who is entitled to everyone's attention 24-7.

My suggestion? Ignore the naysayers, but understand that no matter what you do, you can't please everyone. Therefore, go into wedding planning with a fresh perspective--keeping yourself open to suggestions and criticisms--instead of becoming an overly defensive, high maintenance bride. If you act with that sense of entitlement, you not only will alienate those around you, but you will fail to make your guests comfortable in the process.

My first reaction to TallGuy was to act defensively. But then, you know what I did? I laughed - and during my few days of vacation from work, I took some time to watch the post-game celebration on my own.

There will always be those who question, those who criticize -- but I've chosen to block out those doubters and thoroughly enjoy this post-season experience -- as a die-hard fan without a chip on her shoulder.

A bride should never have that chip on her shoulder -- and should remember that she's planning for the non-naysayers. Enjoy yourself - and remember that being a gracious bride with a good perspective will keep you happy throughout the entire process (just as being gracious and acting without defensiveness will hopefully carry me to a NLCS game at Shea....)

Stay tuned!

DILEMMAS RE: DIVORCED/SEPARATED PARENTS: HOW TO DEAL: PART VI

2006-09-19T08:51:00.000-07:00
There are a couple of other issues related to this topic that are worth mentioning--particularly because all eyes will be on you and your parents during this part of your celebration.

I've ruminated on the trickiness of walking down the aisle when it comes to brides/bridesmaids - but what about divorced/separated parents? THAT'S even trickier.

Do both parents have to walk down the aisle together (with dad then returning to walk the bride-to-be to her groom)? Does your divorced mom (who has remarried) get escorted by her new husband? What are the "rules"?

As I've said before, there are no "rules", and you have to do what you are comfortable with.... but the main issue is that no matter how you spin it, you have to do what's comfortable for those involved-- what's best for them is best for your other guests (who will be none the wiser!)

Take, for example, this scenario (and I'm looking at this from the perspective of the groom - they are his parents): Divorced parents. Mother doesn't talk to father. Mother hasn't remarried. Father has. Stepmother has pleasant relationship with groom, though they aren't particularly close.

The groom's father/stepmother didn't participate in the ceremony (and sat in the front row of seats close to the chuppah)-- and the groom's mother was escorted down the aisle by the groom's brother.

Is that normal? Is it "right"? I don't know. And I don't care. The point of the matter is that the mother/father were comfortable doing it this way--and isn't that the bottom line? During the ceremony, the guests (I was one of them, along with TallGuy) didn't notice. Those that did (if any) really didn't seem to care all that much.

It's best that, no matter what the etiquette books tell you, the people involved (or who could be involved) in the ceremony are happy and doing what they feel comfortable doing -- if that father ended up walking down the aisle with the mother (if, hypothetically, that's what the etiquette books say is "correct"), the tension between them may have been a lot more obvious to guests at the ceremony than the absence of the groom's father participating.

Therefore, use your best judgment when figuring out the procession for the ceremony, particularly when it comes to divorced/separated parents. No matter what the circumstance, never forget that what is "right" may not always be "right" for you or your guests.

Stay tuned!

DILEMMAS RE: DIVORCED/SEPARATED PARENTS: HOW TO DEAL: PART V

2006-09-14T17:58:00.000-07:00
A few months ago, I found myself (with TallGuy) on a lazy Sunday watching My Fair Brady: We're Getting Married! So... I used to have a major crush on Peter Brady when I was nine. I'll admit it. I loved watching re-runs of The Brady Bunch (and you could basically find them on 15 different channels at all times), and Peter was always my favorite. Forget Greg, the hearthrob/wannabe singer (Johnny Bravo) -- Peter was a middle child (like me), sensitive (like I try to be), and damn cute! So who CARED that he wasn't real? Or was a product of the late 60s (and was about 20 years older than me??)

Naturally, then, My Fair Brady: We're Getting Married! has become standard fare in the TallGuy/Wedding Fairy household (at least when we stumble upon it while watching TV at random hours -- i.e. not during our The Office, Reno 911, or Project Runway viewings (my choice). There was one particular episode that struck me - and relates to this series - about divorced parents - and how Adrienne dealt with that situation PRE-wedding.

With respect to divorced parents, issues don't simply arise AT the actual wedding. One thing to keep in mind is that thought should be given when it comes to the planning stage--in terms of the levels of involvement that each parent will have during this process.

During this particular episode, Adrienne (Peter's pretty yet slightly crazy/odd fiance) left the warm and fuzzy confines of L.A. to see her parents in her small hometown during the planning process. And it wasn't pretty. Or fun. Adrienne was doing her best to see both her parents (her mother, still single) (her father, newly remarried), and keep them both in the planning loop - but she was finding it difficult including both of them - separately - and keeping her emotions in check.

I don't remember every detail of that episode, but I do remember a lot of crying (on Adrienne's part), and a lot of helpless staring (on Christopher Knight's part) -- there were separate visits to each parent, and the visits were not always comfortable. As I watched, I realized that the planning process is not all fun and games for all involved. And I wondered how these complicated relationships played a role in the planning process.

The bottom line? The bottom line is whatever your bottom line can be--i.e. your doing as much as you can to include and accommodate everyone--but remembering your own feelings/emotions too. If planning is painful/stressful to you because you feel like you have to include your mother in the dress shopping, but ALSO not offend your father by asking your stepmother to get involved in some way -- then you have to remember your bottom line - always go back to that.

Normally, I'm all for doing everything possible to make your guests feel comfortable. I still stick to that, but during PLANNING, you should be your own boss--and do whatever you need to do in order to make (and keep) the process enjoyable. Planning doesn't involve the same discomfort issues that a wedding does (i.e. loud announcements by DJs, or very obvious seating situations). Therefore, keeping everyone happy during this stage isn't really the goal - the goal is to get the job done, and to enjoy doing it (from what I hear, planning is stressful enough - even WITHOUT divorced/separated parent issues).

If your mother doesn't like that you didn't ask her longtime boyfriend for advice on selecting photographers (and he's a photographer), tough #&!. If your father doesn't understand why you didn't invite your stepmother along to the caterer tasting -- deal with it. As long as you try to keep in mind the thoughts/feelings of others, you've done your job.

So plan away and keep in mind those who want to help you - but don't get mired in the BS during this stage of the game - it's more important to think about how those relationships will play out AT THE WEDDING (and plan accordingly) than deal with family strife BEFORE HAND.

That's the advice I would give to Adrienne and (sigh) Christopher Knight/Peter Brady, and that's the advice I am giving to you now.

Stay tuned!

DILEMMAS RE: DIVORCED/SEPARATED PARENTS: HOW TO DEAL (PART IV)

2006-09-03T10:40:00.000-07:00
As I've mentioned before, table arrangement issues are oftentimes the most complicated--and contentious--when it comes to dealing with your guests.

With regard to divorced/separated parents, these situations once again come into the forefront. This time, these issues are not within the control of others (i.e. band members, DJs, or even the bartender), but entirely within your own hands.

I can tell you right now - you will not please everyone. Finding the "perfect" table arrangement is not necessarily an option - however, creating a WORKABLE table arrangement-- when it comes to divorced/separated parents -- is the name of the game. Again, the goal is to put everyone at ease to the greatest extent possible. If you attempt to do that, your job is done. I'm dealing this time around with the concept of DISTANCE -- not the actual people at each table. Read on.....

I was talking with a college friend the other night (Liz), who was telling me about a wedding that she had recently attended (for one of her best friends, Tara -- a pal from graduate school). Liz knew (through hearing about it on many occasions from Tara) that Tara's parents had recently gone through a tough divorce--and while it didn't come to dish-throwing or custody-battles (or a War of the Roses type scenario), it wasn't that pretty, according to what Tara had told her about the situation.

Liz told me she was surprised to find, then, that at the wedding, Tara's mother and father were sitting at tables within inches of each other. Seated with her new boyfriend, Tara's mother was laughing and joking around with her friends/relatives at Table 2, while Tara's father at Table 4 (who attended the reception solo) was seated with his relatives and other assorted guests. Both the mother and the father were polite and interacted with one another on occasion (for example, when images of Tara in her snowsuit at age 3 popped up on the screen during the slide show, or during the dinner hour, as they greeted guests and thanked them for attending), but Liz said it looked like an awkward situation for the two.

I asked Liz why she thought Tara--who was cognizant of the strained relationship --would have seated her parents so close together. "I don't know -- I guess maybe she was hoping that they would be ok, and somehow it wouldn't be awkward. It's her parents, after all -- that's the way she looks at them, and that's how she wanted to remember them on that night, I guess..."

Liz went onto note that while Tara's parents were cool about everything, and did nothing ridiculous or offensive like making a scene, it seemed to her that they shouldn't have had to make small talk with each other, and could have at least sat a few more feet apart -- not necessarily across the room, but at least some distance apart that they could have done their own thing for most of the night.

Interesting story from someone who actually witnessed a table arrangement situation (as related to divorced/separated guests) -- as well as knew about the relationships that were in play.

Stay tuned!

DILEMMAS RE: DIVORCED/SEPARATED PARENTS (HOW TO DEAL): PART III

2006-09-02T07:12:00.000-07:00
I was re-reading my last post, and I didn't think I did Taylor's story justice (or Taylor's mother-in-law, to be more specific) -- I feel very strongly about the fact that family members shouldn't have to shut up and take it, when it comes to their own relationships being called into question, and the specifics of what happened to Taylor's mother-in-law really bring that feeling to the forefront.

Taylor told me that she and her husband were called to the dance floor by the band leader -- showing off their moves to Etta James' "At Last" (they had been dating since their senior year of high school, so it seemed appropriate!), Taylor and her husband were enjoying the moment as their family and friends looked on, smiling all the while. It was a beautiful moment.
As the song wound down, Taylor and her husband mingled with the guests who had been outlining the perimeter of the dance floor -- at that time, the band leader announced it was Taylor's time to dance with her father. She and her father then danced to Stevie Wonder's "Isn't She Lovely" -- one of her father's favorite songs, and one of Taylor's favorite artists. It was perfect.

Following a few more minutes of mingling and chatting, Taylor's husband danced with his mother (who was divorced and was attending the wedding solo). The mood was relaxed, and the guests (including this woman in question) were immensely enjoying themselves.

After these dances, the band member, with a flourish (and with the keyboardist playing some sort of tune on the keyboard) said loudly to the crowd: "I now want to introduce Taylor's parents to the dance floor for a special dance, Jim's father and stepmother to the dance floor, AND Jim's mother and sister to the dance floor!!!!"

As the announcement was made, the band leader was wildly gesturing to Jim's mother, motioning for her to join the group on the dance floor. Both Jim's mother and sister were extremely embarassed -- the mother, of course, feeling completely humiliated, and the sister, mostly because she is a very shy girl and didn't like the attention. USING THE MICROPHONE -- said to both of them "Why aren't you two dancing together? C'mon and join the party!"

Jim's mother and sister got through "their dance" -- more like standing on the edge of the dance floor and watching on in embarassment -- but it was not the start of the evening that at least some of these guests wanted.

I will of course come back with more examples, but I thought being more specific would help illustrate the ridiculousness that ensued -- and why guests in these type of situations should always come first - whether or not it's the bride's "day".

Stay tuned!